Nursery staff making my son sick?

[Thefirstime]

This might sound so dark/strange, but I have gut intuition here that the current setting my son is at, is making him sick.. literally vomit..

A bit of background - we have decided to keep my son on into the prep school, he will
start reception from sept and they don’t want him to (some of the staff) there is a 3 is a crowd scenario with my son and another boy who’s mum is a teacher..

i think a few things have happened and they haven’t told me - the nursery staff are so clicky and awful.. but right now he has a few friends and seems relatively happy..

we have no other option as we don’t live close by to any other school/s unless we move home..

I have spoken with them and they keep saying everything is ok.. since accepting a place in Reception - he has been sick multiple times and had a frequent fever - I am having him checked at the hospital..

what on earth do I do?!

I don’t have trust right now.. do I pull him out? We stand to lose a place and don’t have anything else..

it’s a major safeguarding issue that I feel is at play.. but I have nothing to prove at all.. only teaching assistants avoiding me at pick up.. no idea what has happened..

If your child is being assessed for asd they could be suffering from anxiety which can cause lot's of symptoms from feeling sick, racing heart, headaches ect.

When I'm suffering particularly badly with anxiety it can make me physically sick - particularly if I try to eat something when I don't feel like it. If he's being encouraged to eat on an anxious stomach that could be it. My niece recently was sick because her little sister was in hospital.

Children are sensitive. I think it's far more likely he's anxious or just picking up lots of bugs from nursery than him being poisoned by staff. Obviously these things happen but I'd see a doctor to rule other things out before throwing such serious accusations

I cannot understand how you can continue to send you child into an environment that you do not think is safe! Why would you do that?

this is so good it bears repeating.

Obviously these things happen

Seriously, when?
I cannot think of a single case of a child being deliberately poisoned in a nursery.

poisoned I haven't heard, but many many settings where children were locked in cupboards, food withheld, emotional abuse. While it is unlikely, it does happen. Op, you haven't answered if your son has said anything that rang any alarm bells? Apart from being sick, does your child display any emotional issues after having started nursery? It is best to raise concerns if anything for your mental health, don't be afraid of sounding loopy, who cares this is an anonymous forum. I would trust my gut feelings in this, and remove the child. Someone suggested bringing him to a&e saying he might have ingested something at nursery after he is sick to get to the bottom of this, which was a good idea.

It isn't any good taking a child to hospital and saying you think he's ingested something, unless you know what the something is.
It just isn't possible to test for all toxins.

The relationship between you and the nursery has broken down. If you really think that nursery staff are intentionally making your son ill then his well-being should be your priority and you should remove him. However, nothing that you have said here wouldn’t warrant further investigation because you have no evidence.

@TheShellBeach good point. Any other ideas?

All they can do is go on the child's symptoms.
Or if the mother has a specimen of vomit or stool, it could be reserved for testing.

But the whole thing sounds ludicrous to me.

Any parent who suspects poisoning takes the child away from the facility and contacts the police.

If you are responding irrationally to your child's nursery situation, it makes no sense whatsoever to trust your instincts. In general, the usual MN advice to "trust your gut" is at least half the time completely wrong. One's instincts may be correct, but they may also be spectacularly wrong.

It's perfectly ordinary for children to have a run of sickness, or just to have a sickly tendancy.
Much, much, much more likely that your son is going through this rather than the nursery staff are making him ill.

Why would they risk their jobs, livelihoods, reputations, freedom? Why would these people choose to make a little boy ill?

You suggest him being particualrly bright might be relevant, but schools really like to keep hold of really bright pupils!

I'd tell your GP your worries, and I think they will reassure you that your son's illnesses are very normal and ordinary.

However, if you don't trust the nursery, or don't like them, you need to find another.

I wonder if they are avoiding you because they sense you don't like them / don't trust them? They are entitled to 'gut' feelings just as you are.

We are hoping to get his stool sample tonight and send it off tomorrow - I spoke to the GP and she was on it straight away.. i said he could have ingested something at nursery..

@agentshreddie

this: “but many many settings where children were locked in cupboards, food withheld, emotional abuse. While it is unlikely, it does happen.”

Thank god someone has bought up things that actually do go on in settings.. nursery staff are human and don’t always like the child or the parent (I work in a school part time).. I believe abuse of power does happen, absolutely.. probably more frequently than we are aware..

my son has told me time outs happen in the cloak room, they close them in for a moment to calm down.. also one child hit another and the teacher said “well done”..

there are red flags already but my son is bright and tells me stuff..

Why do you think he could have ingested something at nursery? Children pick up bugs and viruses - a part of life.

He also came home from school and one day said that he only had snacks all day, no lunch.. I rang them.. I make noise.. I just don’t know if pulling him out right this moment is the right thing to do!

he seems relatively happy other than the sickness, I have nothing to go on, other than staff avoidance..

OP have you heard of something called Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/cyclical-vomiting-syndrome/

My DS was diagnosed with this at age 4 and is now 7 and touch wood we haven't had any sickness for almost a year now so hoping he has grown out it. He would randomly be sick for up to 3/4 hours on end completely without warning...at its worst it was once/ twice a month but could be every 3-4 months break in between. There was no triggers but he would be very pale and hot just before it happened. He missed so much nursery in the lead up to the diagnosis as he was sick and then it was 48 hours off after sickness. When we got the diagnosis he was allowed to attend the next day as long as his temperature was away which is was as soon as his sickness was over, it really was the most bizarre thing.

What was their response to him saying he'd had no dinner?

And what will they be looking for in the stool?

I’ve never heard of cyclical vomit syndrome but will look it up..

no idea what they are looking for in stool..?

also they said everyone had snacks that day as it was coronation lunch.. he didn’t have a sandwich..

how would I become aware of emotional abuse? If he is left out? Or comes home with behavioural change?

thanks

If you dont trust them, which you dont, then move him.

Kids get sick in nursery. That's just life. You are making up wild accusations based on zero evidence here.

Im more worried for your child in your care than nurseries if I'm honest. The level of anxiety/paranoia/delusions you are showing is terrifying

I confess that I have to agree with this.

Sometimes they don’t eat lunch and only eat snacks - that’s children for you. I still can’t work out what you think the nursery have done wrong?

None of us can TBH.

OP, I’ll preface this by mentioning I work with children in care, so I recognise where your anxiety comes from.

However, kindly, OP, and this is of course only my opinion, your worry seems disproportionate to the actual risk.
Long accumulated very strong anxiety (and nothing is more stressful than an ill child with no explanation) causes nervous breakdowns in absolutely everyone : they can manifest in several ways, including paranoia about everything and everyone, in your case the nursery setting : it’s not forever, it just means you need to breathe. Please do consult (at the some time as investigating your son’s health) your own GP for their advice regarding your fears : I worry all you may need is a little extra support at this time, but reading your posts you may otherwise spiral, and then who would look out for your son ? Let that be your main driver.

Likewise, prolonged anxiety in children (which may be due to feeling left out by the staff at nursery for instance, and in this case, yes, they may have not picked up on signs of illnesses ; also, he is probably picking up some anxiety from you, children are sponges for mums) can cause physical symptoms that you describe.

Please do try to both approaches, taking care of your son and yourself, in parallel. You are able to investigate all causes of his illness it seems as the pediatrician is supportive.

But please don’t forget, that right or wrong as you may be, currently you are destroying your health, and no one can last so long with these intense levels of stress. Self care is vital if you wish to be there for your son.

Do you have a partner, parents, who are aware or who you could share with ? What is their take also ?