Nursery staff making my son sick?

[Thefirstime]

This might sound so dark/strange, but I have gut intuition here that the current setting my son is at, is making him sick.. literally vomit..

A bit of background - we have decided to keep my son on into the prep school, he will
start reception from sept and they don’t want him to (some of the staff) there is a 3 is a crowd scenario with my son and another boy who’s mum is a teacher..

i think a few things have happened and they haven’t told me - the nursery staff are so clicky and awful.. but right now he has a few friends and seems relatively happy..

we have no other option as we don’t live close by to any other school/s unless we move home..

I have spoken with them and they keep saying everything is ok.. since accepting a place in Reception - he has been sick multiple times and had a frequent fever - I am having him checked at the hospital..

what on earth do I do?!

I don’t have trust right now.. do I pull him out? We stand to lose a place and don’t have anything else..

it’s a major safeguarding issue that I feel is at play.. but I have nothing to prove at all.. only teaching assistants avoiding me at pick up.. no idea what has happened..

OP, I am very sympathetic to you and I say this in the kindest way- your thinking is irrational at the moment, you have lost perspective.

It's not just the thinking about them harming your child (which is very unlikely but not impossible), it's also the fact that you don't want them to win- that suggests you are seeing this as a battle, and that isn't a rational way to approach keeping your child safe.

Talk to your husband about your fears.

It may be your instinct is right that this isn't the right place for him.

It is also the case that it would be much easier for them to just simply refuse to take him, based on not meeting his needs. Private schools do this all the time, there was someone on Mumsnet the other day saying their child had exactly this experience. So, there is no reason for them to make him sick, they could simply just refuse to take him in the school citing some rubbish reason.

If you are aware you sound loopy, I think you have to allow the idea that perhaps your thinking is a bit loopy right now and for some reason you are putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5. Seek help in real-life and explain you aren't thinking quite straight, explain why and then discuss what's going on with your doctor and/or your partner and go from there. you can also think about protecting your child at the same time and getting his sickness investigated.

Totally ‘unhappy with the communication we were getting from them’

they say and tell us nothing - my son tells us loads!!

Unfortunately you aren't going to get a yes or no answer from your doctor about whether it's the nursery that's causing the illness.

My son is non verbal so sadly can’t tell us anything, and we were getting no communication from them at all.
Is there a non private nursery/pre school near to you OP?

Human brains are designed to see patterns even when there aren't any. You've noticed a correlation between their behaviour and the timing between your son being unwell. But that doesn't mean they're the cause.

Maybe they feel awkward about how often your son is getting sick, worrying that you're going to blame them. Maybe they feel awkward about the friendship issue and are avoiding talking about it. Maybe they think you're faking his illnesses as a way to avoid him coming in.

These are far more likely than then intentionally making him unwell. If there was an easy and reliable way to make children have sickness and fever social services and GPs would be trained in how to keep an eye out for it. But there isn't an easy way that wouldn't cause a lot more concerning symptoms as well as sickness and fever.

I also have an autistic child who I have moved settings because of communication and safeguarding concerns.

I wish I had listened to my gut and taken her out earlier.

I'm trying to acknowledge how incredibly hard this feels for OP. That's not the same as saying keep her son in the setting.

It’s likely that you’re putting 2 plus 2 together and making 5, OP. Your son has been unwell. You feel that some people at his nursery don’t like him/want him there. It’s more than likely the two things are completely unconnected. Both can be true without being connected.

Some children’s immune systems mature more slowly than others. My DN had to see a paed twice due to almost constant illness when she started nursery and school. After tests, the paed mentioned her immune system. It sounded like an excuse but it turned out to be true. Her health greatly improved in the Junior years.

Your ‘proof’ is the TAs avoiding you at pick-up, but that’s not proof of them making your child sick. Maybe they feel your emotions and keep away, maybe they’re focussed on other parents.

Your mention of the staff having ‘powers’ to make your child ill is worrying. What exactly do you mean? Do you mean things like they’re giving him off/old food?? Do you mean they’re not maintaining hygiene around him? Not watching him properly?

Doctors and scientists can't just "test blood for poison".
They have to know which agent is suspected first.
There are thousands and thousands of poisons.
That's one reason why actual poisoners get away with it for so long.

OP what do you suspect is being administered to your son?

But this makes no sense.

You don't pull a kid out of their reception place and move school over a kid being sick. So do you think they're trying to harm him so much he ends up hospitalised or dead?

You say you think he may have been rude etc, so do you think this is just a punishment to him, if you're rude to Miss A we'll make you ill? Only works if the kid knows it's them. So just petty revenge? Haha he was rude to me and now he's puked? Is he ever actually I'll I'm nursery time?

And you still haven't clarified where you live that there's only a Prep and no other single primary school within miles.

I've worked with children for well over ten years and I absolutely have no ability to make children unwell. I'm sure I've done my fair share of unintentionally passing germs between children with the amount I've been sneezed on and licked though.

I've worked with loads of people with decades of experience working with children and they don't have a clue how to target children to make them poorly. It genuinely is not a thing. I've seen some staff act in ways I don't like, but never, ever intentionally make them unwell. It's not possible to do, especially not targeting one child. You could encourage all the children to stop washing their hands, you could never clean the setting or toys etc. But all that would effect all of the children. There is no way to focus it on one child.

If you actually wanted to make one child ill you could do so quite easily.
I don't think anyone has, by the way, but it's possible.

Even inducing a temperature?

If I actually believed they were harming my kids, then they're be pulled. Emergency parental leave / sick leave with anxiety. You or DH. How many childminders have you called for emergency help? What conversation have you cree with childcare providers?

Honestly id say its just stress (from being excluded/treated differently combined with "excitement" of starting school being pushed however gently on him at home)

But if you absolutely convinced ask the hospital to forward it on to social services/whoever looks over business as a safe guarding matter as your "worried about hygene/food poisening from not storing food propery" at the nursery & see where it goes.

Yes, because some poisons can do this.
I must reiterate that I don't believe for a minute that the child has been poisoned.

OP, can you ask your doctor to sign you off work with anxiety for a while, pull your child and use that time to sort alternative childcare until reception starts. Be honest with your GP about the intrusive thoughts that the setting is harming your child

I'm pondering this and I really think that you need some time and space to sort this out. You are so overwhelmed that you continue to send your child in despite not feeling he is safe, even if that is just a vague feeling. It must be awful to feel that way.

Food poisoning can certainly cause a raised temperature.

OP, what possible reason would these people have for harming your son? Teachers may dislike a particular parent or even particular child , but rarely , if ever, is the solution to harm a child.

Think carefully before making any accusations. Ask yourself what would the teachers stand to gain from such actions?

If you sincerely believe what you are saying, then you should remove your son from harms way.

If there was a genuine concern that a child had been deliberately harmed by a nursery worker, you would go to the police.

When you see the GP, I think it is important to be honest with them and tell them you believe the nursery staff have the power to make your child unwell.
Be honest about your anxiety and thoughts about this.

Why on earth is he still there if you believe he is being harmed?!! I can’t get my head past that part tbh op.

Firstly get your child medically checked out by GP, let them know all your worries and concerns. Speak with nursery manager with your worries re: cliques.. Take some time off work to spend with your child to let him recover from illnesses at home and for yourself to get your thoughts together.

@Jk8 does stress cause sickness / fever in children?

What is your DS stressed about?

It can cause upset stomachs.

In what way is your child stressed?