Nursery staff making my son sick?

[Thefirstime]

This might sound so dark/strange, but I have gut intuition here that the current setting my son is at, is making him sick.. literally vomit..

A bit of background - we have decided to keep my son on into the prep school, he will
start reception from sept and they don’t want him to (some of the staff) there is a 3 is a crowd scenario with my son and another boy who’s mum is a teacher..

i think a few things have happened and they haven’t told me - the nursery staff are so clicky and awful.. but right now he has a few friends and seems relatively happy..

we have no other option as we don’t live close by to any other school/s unless we move home..

I have spoken with them and they keep saying everything is ok.. since accepting a place in Reception - he has been sick multiple times and had a frequent fever - I am having him checked at the hospital..

what on earth do I do?!

I don’t have trust right now.. do I pull him out? We stand to lose a place and don’t have anything else..

it’s a major safeguarding issue that I feel is at play.. but I have nothing to prove at all.. only teaching assistants avoiding me at pick up.. no idea what has happened..

I know this sounds very loopy! I’m well aware of that!! But some, not all, of the staff are extremely bitchy and cliquey.. there is something going on.. I can’t put my finger on what.. why have they only recently started avoiding me? Why has my son only recently been very poorly? Why has there been friendship issues and leaving out of my son again, only recently..?

as far as I’m aware, it might not be anything sinister at all and I indeed have no proof anything of the sort is going on, I am trying to figure out why on earth my son is so poorly only recently. I have a GP apt today and a paediatrician apt next week..

reporting this post goes against the whole idea of Mumsnet and supporting others..

I do have anxiety but as far as I know don’t have any major mental health or illness problems..

the trust has gone but I don’t know why and what caused that?

they always say ‘all is fine’ but I know things go on as I know my son well and his behaviour..

Can you call the NSPCC helpline OP?

They have experts trained in early years safeguarding who will talk through your concerns with you in a calm and rational manner.

And talk to your GP. Rule out accidental poisoning if your son has autism - as others have said, pica puts autistic children at higher risk of poisoning.

My own autistic child does seen to get ill more often than her peers. I think there is probably some kind of link for some autistic children.

He has no allergies, we have no pets and our home hygiene and food prep is good.. it wouldn’t have only taken place the past few months if it was an allergy..

Personally, I think it's very unlikely the nursery staff are doing anything like poisoning your child. It could be anything from poor hygiene, to a new allergy, to plain old bad luck.
If they are actually poisoning him, well, that's serious prison time, attempted murder at worst, assault at best, and likely the school would be shut down. I honestly doubt anyone would do this for the sake of a (maybe?) slightly irritating child/parent?

I also don't think there's any way of proving your allegations either. Of course, medical tests (blood/urine/stool) MIGHT show something up, but I actually don't think any doctor would sign off on those, because the reasoning is so far fetched.

HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong with trusting your gut, OP. If you genuinely think something is seriously wrong, pull him out. There ARE other schools and other nurseries, and your child's safety is worthy of some inconvenience, surely.

@Blueypartymummy

thanks. I may try the nspcc number - I do think something to do with safeguarding is going on here..

So you admit yourself your son and his behaviour are a handful and you’re suspicious the nursery aren’t telling you the full facts, because you assume he’s being badly behaved at nursery? This is possibly why he’s having friendship issues and the staff don’t want to talk to you. It’s highly unlikely they are poisoning him, they’ve suggested autism to you have you followed up on referrals for this?

Have you been speaking to other people about your thoughts? If so word has probably got around and that's why they maybe avoiding you. No matter how much you can trust some people, people do love to gossip.

The likelihood of one person poisoning a child at a nursery is extremely remote.
The alleged culprit would face a possible life sentence in prison if convicted of such a series crime.

The likelihood that two or three poisoners are operating at the same facility is non-existent.

What poison do you suspect, anyway?

Allergies can develop at any point.

im not saying it is that but realistically that is a lot more likely than poisoning.

Could they be avoiding you because of your behaviour? What does your family think?
All schools have cliques and playground politics. But not many people then jump from that to the staff are poisoning my child . That's very strange. And some children naturally just get sick a lot . Maybe his immune system or just bad luck .

So you have a GP apt today and a paediatrician apt next week. you're considering ringing the NSPCC, and you even admit the trust has gone

Yet you still won't remove him.

There's no way this is the only nursery / childcare setting locally, so why are you still sending him? If you really suspected something was happening the first thing you would do is remove him from the place and people you think are causing him harm.

I haven’t actually used the word poison- some of you guys did.. I do believe that perhaps they can have the power to make kids poorly.. many of the staff have worked there for many years (10 plus) and are in positions where they could misuse and abuse power with young children..

I think my son may have been rude or upset someone.. but again they tell me nothing.. is that usual??

he isn’t showing signs of autism - he was merely a slow to warm temperament.. he plays and interacts well with the children..

So what exactly are you claiming they are doing?

to be honest the more you post the more I think it’s vital you take a step back and get support for yourself.

what does you child’s father think of all of this?

If you have genuine concerns then obviously you need to remove your child immediately and report your concerns.

If I thought my child was being poisoned then I wouldn’t be worried about his primary school place next year- I’d take him out and use a child minder/another nursery/grandparents/parental leave/WFH until I could arrange more permanent childcare.
I can’t believe that there are literally no other primary schools that he could go to (even if they’re not as good/less convenient surely that’s better than going to a school where you think staff are poisoning him).

It sounds like your relationship with the school has totally broken down. I’m not really sure why you’d want your child to go there next year. While he’ll have different teachers and classroom assistants it sounds like you either haven’t felt able to communicate your concerns to the senior leadership team or they haven’t resolved the issue.
I’m not sure from your posts whether you agree with them/have your own concerns about ASD/SEN. But it doesn’t sound like the school has addressed this properly either. If he does have ASD/SEN then surely you’d want him to be in a school where they follow the correct pathways to have him assessed and can provide the support he needs.

I think the poisoning is very, very, very unlikely. It’s more likely that:

• He’s allergic/intolerant to a particular food and it’s making him sick.
• He has another medical condition that makes him vomit (e.g. my son has asthma and respiratory allergies and the cough/post nasal drip often make him vomit).
• He’s just picking up a lot of bugs from nursery/other activities because toddlers and young children get sick a lot and don’t have great personal hygiene (My youngest son has had Covid, Influenza A, a vomiting virus and 2 colds since Xmas. We’ve also had letters home from nursery letting us know that kids in other classes have had Hand, Foot and Mouth, chickenpox, and norovirus).
• He’s eating/putting something in his mouth that he shouldn’t be.

If he’s being sick and having fevers frequently then I’d take him to the GP to get checked out. You could mention your concerns so they’re aware and know to run tests but it’s much more likely to be one of the simple explanations above. If they don’t want him at the school then surely the simplest explanation would just be to say that they don’t have space or say that they are unable to meet his behavioural needs. It’s an independent school so they can be selective, they can just not take him. There’s no reason for them to risk their career/a prison sentence by poisoning him. Your only real evidence seems to be a ‘feeling’ and the fact they’re a bit clique-y and show favouritism to some of the kids. It’s not great but it’s a bit of a leap to get to poisoning!

How exactly do you think they have the power to make them sick?
Op you need help, desperately- you are unwell.

I’m so confused by this thread. If there’s a genuine safeguarding issue then obviously you take your child out but this all seems so far fetched…

Your husband is calling you 'ill'. What's that about?

Do you have any actual EVIDENCE they are making your child ill, because if not, you sound completely deranged.

Why does it matter how long they have worked in the school ? How does the length of time make it easier for them to abuse power in such a way that makes your child sick? What are you thinking they are doing?
Have you talked to anyone irl to see if they agree or have advice ?

Ok - there have been cases of things like child abuse in nursery settings - this is not entirely unheard of.. I’m saying I don’t know what is going on because I honestly don’t! I think many of you should be careful calling people unwell on here..

i have presented the fact he has been sick for the past few months in particular..

the trust has gone and again, I don’t know why..?

if anyone has ideas around that..

It’s good that you have a GP appt. - I’d say that you’re worried about the frequency of your ds’s bouts of illness over the last few months, and then mention ‘for Information’ to the nursery that your ds has had so much time off and is getting ill so frequently that he is undergoing medical investigations as to the reason. Just be matter-of-fact.

That course of action will have 2 benefits.

1. You are being proactive in trying to find the cause of your son’s illnesses. You need to rule out medical reasons before making accusations.

2. In the very unlikely event of nursery staff being involved in making your son ill, the knowledge that his health is being investigated by medical professionals would surely warn them off?

I have to say, I would also mention to the GP, that in connection with your son’s health, you are suffering increased anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Hope you get everything sorted, op.

I’m hoping the doctors can shed some light or tests