To not be able to accept DH's decision to stop IVF

[Hop27]

DH and I been together 16 years, he wanted to 'wait' until we achieved some milestones before TTC. If I'm honest I now think he didn't want to cause stress with DSS mum (ONS), she is chaotic. We've tried IVF multiple times, all failed. He is now refusing to keep trying. I'm utterly heartbroken. It's me that wears the brunt of it, we both earn good money so can afford it. I just can't accept that he won't give it one last try.
Do I need to accept a childless life, or leave?

Ok sorry I am now noticing that my qualifier about the medical details of each case might apply here in which case apologies, I can’t comment on the OP’s condition as I am not familiar with it.

I only read OP’s posting as I thought the only information about her would be in that post but I do understand you can’t always put everything in the opening post and I feel bad for blundering onto the thread not fully informed. Apologies, OP.

Where is the positivity? And where is the courtesy of validating someone's current feeling and viewpoint irrespective of past physical/mental health history? Those are what OP needs. Not the digging and not the self-presumptous acting of "protection". Do OP the honor and trust she can take all viewers' opinion and judge for herself.

After the last session failed, OP tried suicide. All these posters recommending to keep going and try again, Would you be happy if IVF fails and she tries it again? Do you think it's wise to keep going when mental health is that fragile? Do you think it was easy for her husband to see her do that and think he should just suck it up?!

I suspect that this might be the real reason why the OP's husbnad doesn't want her to try again, as it looks like she will be set up to fail once more. Meanwhile, the IVF clinic are just happy to take their money yet again.

Whilst everyone is arguing did you all miss OP saying she has taken a vast amount of valium? OP I hope you are ok and I hope you can access help you need to make whatever decisions are correct for you.

Some posters have reported the thread to MMHQ as a result of the OPs last post. And others have asked if the OP is okay

This is the best post on this thread.

Great advice from 2bazookas

Multiple comments from people who aren’t paying attention to the backstory and encouraging her to divorce her husband and go for IVF alone with sober sperm, when she is clearly very fragile, isn’t helpful to her either.

Neither is suggesting she adopt. The assessment and approval process is highly emotionally invasive, rightfully so as they need to filter out anyone who may be less than wholehearted about it, and you need to be in the best place mentally.

I agree. I have been where OP is, and DH and I did what @2bazookas‘s son and DIL did.

OP I've been thinking about you and I hope you're alright.

Evening, and thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. Apologies for the radio silence, I dragged myself to work and got through the day, sweating my upset out at the gym. Sorry for any concern I may have caused with my last post - I am feeling very sad and just needed to hit the pause button for a little while and feel nothing. I had no intention to harm myself just sleep in unbroken darkness.

To all the posters who took the time to drag through my previous posts to gleefully update the thread on my poor mental health, suicide attempts and my Adenomyosis, (apparently meaning that I'd never get pregnant anyway), and to those suggesting adoption - I hope you understanding how potentially damaging that could have been to someone who is clearly struggling, I hope you never walk a second in my shoes. You have no idea the heartbreaking pain of infertility. The crying in the shower before a birthday party, getting a phone call at work to discover another round has failed, smiling through all the bullshit unsolicited advice, but most of all doing ALL of this whilst holding down a job to pay tens of thousands per round only for it to fail.
It's completely broken me, and potentially my relationship but yes of course it's helpful to be reminded of my fragile mental state or that I should just accept it and adopt.

Glad to hear you are physically ok @Hop27 if not emotionally ☹️ All your feelings are completely valid and as you say, definitely don’t take medical advice from Mumsnet x

I'm sure it's not helpful at all and it's something you must have already considered and dismissed, but surrogacy was the solution for one of my former colleagues who was older than you when her kids were born (via surrogate).

I really hope that the sleuths on this thread read OP’s update this morning and that it gives them pause.

OP, I’m so sorry that you’re in this awful situation. I wish you strength. When you are ready you might like to post again in Infertility, with as much or as little of your history as you wish to include. I’d name change first if I were you.

I’ve been thinking of you. It’s incredibly hard. Especially when you’re in this space when chances are low, but they aren’t zero. So you don’t want to give up, you feel this tremendous urge to keep fighting while you can. But at the same time you have to do that while coping with people around you who have doubts, and with the pain and trauma of all the times it doesn’t work, and the low odds, all weighing on you. I have heard from others that if they aren’t successful there comes a later time when they feel able to process things better. You sound like an amazing woman to me xx

Digging up previous posts is horrible and not supportive to @Hop27

Do you feel ivf is hill worth it , due to Medical history

Or that dh is saying this due to trying to support you

@Hop27 Are you OK?

While not all posters on the thread understand, there are some of us who have been where you are and we do get it and we do understand the pain of fertility. You aren't alone in this although at times if feels very lonely. It takes over so many parts of your life, your body, your confidence and your happiness, relationship - every single aspect of your life

Here are somethings that really helped me and I hope they can help you too.

1. Counselling- I cannot over state how much it really help & I really only tried it reluctantly because nothing else helped. Best thing I ever did.

1. A really good/no bullshit gynaecologist - I got referrals & recommendations & she was amazing at setting out all options, risks, chances etc

1. Talking to other people in the same position- mostly online but some in real life. It takes the isolated feeling away.

It all helps. Please try it.