In laws and DP wider family very unhappy with him supporting me

[WellitsNotideal]

When they should actually be proud of him ?!!!

DP has taken a 5 year break to be my carer. His idea. His choice. Nothing else was working we had tried the alternative of a cleaner/ childcare / other help with things but it got so obvious that actually he needed to be here full time.

It’s not forever just till the baby is school age.

MIL has said ‘well it’s not ideal is it ? I didn’t want my son to end up a carer at his age’

FIL has said that I’m effectively abusive and should give DP a ‘get out clause’

BIL and SIL are suddenly up in arms about being taxpayers and funding my ‘lifestyle choice’

Not one of the above offered any help or practical support or emotional support at any point in the last few months but they are all very quick to offer criticism.

I feel like they’d rather watch us struggle well watch me struggle. DP can re enter work at any point it won’t be detrimental to his career it’s just a break. I’m just feeling so annoyed as felt the weight lifted when he said what he planned and now it’s all just come back down and I’m feeling judged

OP, I don't think anyone wants you to feel bad. It's not your fault you need so much support and it's not exactly something any of us would ask for. I think people are trying to offer you food for thought to make this caring arrangement sustainable for the benefit of both of you.

I feel for you OP and am sincerely sorry you are so Ill. I am afraid I agree with the consensus on thIs thread - you need to overcome your self-absorption about getting the unattainable, ideal carer for YOU. Just get one and roll with and let your partner fly and maximise his earnings and your child live a normal life. You want the optimum for you - but you to consider others and compromise for the sake of the family unit

shocked that you pulled your DC out of nursery coz made you ill. Your kids should come first. I wouldn’t be surprised based on this thread that you homeschool in five years time coz all your posts are all about you. Zero reflection about your partner who is giving up so much (and his career is dependent on your parents’ business) What about your DC (who you have pulled out of nursery to SUIT YOU). What about your partner who is entirely beholden to your family as he works in their business?

Sorry OP but you are utterly self-absorbed. If my son was married to you, I would urge him to pay to put care in place and support you - BUT NEVER to sacrifice his own career and limit the children’s socialisation

suddenly getting that physically unwell, particularly if you are already emotionally/mentally struggling/unwell is going to make anyone self absorbed for a while. The OP essentially became disabled during pregnancy and as far as I can tell we are talking less than a year since that happened. That’s a a lot for a couple to cope with.

plus they are getting no sleep and it’s really hard to see the wood for the trees when shattered.

him quitting probably looks like the best option right now, it’s just that the OPs PIL and most posters on here are thinking long term and then no, it’s not a good choice.

@Worcestersaucey
I agree,

I really like your emotionally intelligent insightful post. !👍👍👍👍

Totally spot on, nailed it on head with your post.

@Papernotplastic

Totally agree with your post..! 👏👏👏

@WellitsNotideal and her partner ,seeing how to resolve, how to navigate her health issues around her needs, by him being a carer for temporary time of 5yrs, !

is seeing this through somewhat Rose 🌹 tinted 👓 glass,

You on the other hand, are telling it as it is will definitely, will be the reality, sounds like you lived this experince or know of someone, who has ect...

A6 month sabbatical to reset the situation and take a breather-fine

Particularly as the partner works for her parents who you'd expect to be happy to help out this way (as they don't actually offer any actual help beyond once a month look after kids)

Even offering part time /flexible working as accounting can be done at home usually.

5 years off? Very long time.

Why won't the op's parents help more?

Good question why can't your @WellitsNotideal parents or other members help out too in regards of your health issues then?

OP of course I am sorry you are so incapacitated. But your solution (your partner leaving work to look after you and your baby; you pulling your baby out of nursery) is so very selfish. Your explanation is that you have had careers but they weren’t ideal. Sorry but suck it up - let your partner and child live their lives and accept that no carer is perfect (or perhaps you demand too much).

I don't this is the dream any mother has for her child, or any family members for that matter, but they don't need to let you know how they feel.

It isn't ideal... that's the truth.

I thought it was a COMMON solution though. Not the OP imposing on her DP to become her carer….

Why is the responsibility only resting on her shoulders?
Why is not question her DP and his intentions for stopping work?? I mean surely he has agency of his own and can say NO?