DH is mad because I'm not well

[Stripyunicorn]

I've been ill with an infection since the weekend. DH was away at the weekend, so I've been ill since he's been home.
He's so grumpy with me.

I had to go back to the doctor's today because I've been on antibiotics but not getting better, and they advised me to go to a&e. When I phoned DH to let him know, I could practically hear his eyes rolling.
He works in the hospital I was told to go to, but he refused to come down to see me before he left. Said he couldn't because he had to get the kids. He gets the baby from nursery every day, and it's open 1.5h later than when he normally picks them up so I don't see why he couldn't have come over for 5-10 minutes just to check I'm ok.

He's now having a strop because I've had some blood tests and the results won't be back until half 5, so I won't be home until 6pm at the very earliest.

Ime the best way to decide if your relationship is toxic is to assess how you are treated when you are ill..
You need to reconsider your relationship op.

Hope you are feeling better OP, as others have said he's a cunt. I don't think I could get over this. Imagine being given terrible news of an illness that doesn't get better or affects you long term- he certainly wouldn't step up.

I have been very unwell since Friday. My DH has been nothing but kind, patient and caring.

Do not stand for anything less

God, he's a real piece of shit isn't he?

He's not only a selfish git, he's ignorant.

There are some people who work in a health care setting, (I know he's only admin) who seem to think they've seen the worst of ilnesses and therefore minimise other's pain.

You're not that bad I've seen it all types, they are idiots, lacking in empathy and understanding, maybe that's contributing in making him such a poor partner.

Either way he's no use within your family unit if he's a pompous ass who is unable to step up when required, he's pointless.

I feel awful for you OP. This isn't a partnership and no one who loves you would treat you like this. Once you are feeling better please give serous thought to leaving him

I had two primary cancers in five years, my DH was exemplary.

This one is a loser, get rid when you are feeling better.

I’m so sorry you have been so I’ll.

he’s shown his true colours here hasnt he.

-not popping to see you when it would be so easy

-no text along the lines of “I hope you are ok, wish I could be with you. Me and the kids love and miss you and can’t wait to see you when you get home” message me if you need anything

• not cooking the night before despite you expressing how unwell you were
• not putting the kids to bed when you had been in hospital

have a long hard think about whether you think this is good enough and if you want to live like this long term because the silent treatment, the sulking and the lack of care for you is shocking. When you are better file for divorce.

Definitely
I was in hospital after an op and a neighbour I had met twice asked if I needed anything and how I was
I said no I was fine, but she turned up with McDonalds milkshake for my throat, magazines and a load of food for me without even being asked
If someone I've met twice can do that then he has no excuse

I get that you could not be arsed with an argument but that really was your time to say that he has been treating you poorly when you are sick. Are you sure you are communicating clearly?

Jeez. I couldn't live like that. Your husband is meant to be your main support. I'd rather be on my own that be treated like that

Probably not, but he said it in a really stroppy way like "what's wrong with you now" kind of way.
I definitely wouldn't have got anywhere speaking to him last night.

The only 'speaking to him' that might get through is when you say 'We're done. I want a divorce'.

Things any better now that you've both slept on it? Maybe he's going through something himself or just being an idiot. Maybe he's finding his responsibilities hard. Like I said before give him more responsibilities when you are well so he doesn't feel burdened when you're sick. You're probably super woman doing everything when you're well.

Unfortunately some people can't learn to empathise until they've been through it themselves.

And there it is, the stupidest thing I'll read all day.

Get well soon, OP. No matter what comes next, you deserve better and if your husband can't grow up, you will be better off without him.

OP I'm so sorry you're not feeling well and really hope you feel better soon. When someone shows you who they are, listen. This is not kind, normal behaviour from someone who professes to love you. You (like anyone) could have long spells of illness or disability in the future, what would this man do then? I have had very long stretches of ill health - the longest one over a year - and my husband kept me going through some dark times because he was so loving and supportive. There were times I didn't think I'd ever get better and would wonder whether I should tell him to leave me as I didn't want his life reduced to the level mine was. Even getting dressed or combing my hair was such a physical struggle - usually I am well-groomed and take care with my appearance - and I lived in pyjamas and felt a mess all the time. His answer was always that he loved me and if this is as good as it got then it was worth it to be with me. I am a lot better now and his constant care and help played a huge part in that recovery.

You only really find out how much you are loved when you are so ill that you have little to give in return to a partner. As irritating as my DH can be sometimes about minor things (aren't we all?) I know he will love me when I am at my most vulnerable and I hope very much that I will be as good a wife to him if he ever needs it.

Please think about your future with this man, you deserve better.

He already knows he's behaved badly. The sulking and stroppiness is a classic DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) tactic designed to put OP on the back foot, make her think she's the one who's done something wrong and stop her calling him out on his awful behaviour.

It shouldn't really be the OP's responsibility (while ill!) to cajole her manchild H into having a civililsed adult exchange.

I'm going to diagnose you and I don't think you're going to like the results.

Therefor I will keep it to myself.

I think you'd be pissed off.

OP you've not done anything to warrant this. Your communication can be less than perfect now because you're ill and in pain! Don't wonder if you should take some blame in some way here. You shouldn't. If we were discussing what to buy at the supermarket and you didn't fully communicate that, sure. But you ill, ill enough that a clinical colleague was concerned recently.

He's had a lot of choices to make in the past few days. Nobody forced him to be so inhumane to you (because that treatment of an ill spouse is inhumane). Don't argue about it, he's not going to suddenly value you after an argument.

Focus on yourself and the kids. Don't let toxic thoughts about him enter your mind. Focus on you getting better and do what you need for that to happen.

And if I may add a silver lining here, take advantage of him ignoring you: it's a moment of peace away from his crappy words and shitty non-actions. Don't let him into your mind to destroy that peace!

Well aren't you charming 🤣

It is clear that the OP was not exaggerating when she has already been given antibiotics by a GP which haven't helped.

@abmac95

And it's "hypochondriac", not "hypocondriac".

DFOD

He's being awful. I feel so sorry for you.

Men are so unimpressive on the whole. I know it isn't all of them, but it's so bloody many.