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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH is mad because I'm not well

245 replies

Stripyunicorn · 17/05/2023 16:30

I've been ill with an infection since the weekend. DH was away at the weekend, so I've been ill since he's been home.
He's so grumpy with me.

I had to go back to the doctor's today because I've been on antibiotics but not getting better, and they advised me to go to a&e. When I phoned DH to let him know, I could practically hear his eyes rolling.
He works in the hospital I was told to go to, but he refused to come down to see me before he left. Said he couldn't because he had to get the kids. He gets the baby from nursery every day, and it's open 1.5h later than when he normally picks them up so I don't see why he couldn't have come over for 5-10 minutes just to check I'm ok.

He's now having a strop because I've had some blood tests and the results won't be back until half 5, so I won't be home until 6pm at the very earliest.

OP posts:
FffrostySnowman · 18/05/2023 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You left out an apostrophe.

GlintingFuriously · 18/05/2023 12:26

Hyperchondriac

raincamepouringdown · 18/05/2023 12:28

I'd tell him to get to fuck, frankly. Hand him a roll of bin bags while you do and tell him to pack up his shit.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 18/05/2023 12:32

My DH can be a self-centred arse sometimes, but he cares when I'm ill.
I'm so sorry you have been left to deal with this alone, but you've now got some peace so try and rest, and hopefully the new antibiotics will kick in. Then you'll feel well enough to have a good think about whether this is the life you want for yourself.

FlipFlops4Me · 18/05/2023 12:35

If I were you, as soon as I was well I'd be looking at leaving him. Life would be easier in so many ways and so very much more peaceful. If all he wants is a housekeeper and walking vagina then he's got no use for a real partner and you'd be better off out of it.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/05/2023 12:37

@Crikeyisthatthetime From one crikey to another- I would say exactly the same. I too am married to someone very self centred indeed- but he steps up well if I'm I'll

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 18/05/2023 12:51

@abmac95 Someone shit in your Cheerios this morning?

All the threads on here and you decide to pick one with a sick OP, who’s been in hospital and whose husband is being a prick, to try to get your bully jollies?

I hope you are a troll, because if not your motivation and attempts to pick apart the spelling of other posters while spectacularly failing yourself, is tragic.

Americano75 · 18/05/2023 13:00

I think it's time you got mad. Guy needs a reality check, ASAP.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 18/05/2023 13:25

Theunamedcat · 18/05/2023 10:10

You think medical professionals can't spot that? More than one medical professional?

Seriously how low is your opinion of the health care system

Show quote history

I don't think op has health anxiety however to your point about hcp spotting this. Hcp are taught to take what a patient says at face value and just because someone has HA they still need to be taken seriously as people with HA still get ill to and its dangerous and irresponsible for any hcp to dismiss a person with HA

IDontWantToBeAPie · 18/05/2023 13:38

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy well she's got antibiotics, now has stronger medicine and has been advised to come back if worse so I'd say it's pretty obvious that OP is actually sick and that healthcare professionals agree because otherwise they wouldn't give her medicine.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 18/05/2023 13:56

IDontWantToBeAPie · 18/05/2023 13:38

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy well she's got antibiotics, now has stronger medicine and has been advised to come back if worse so I'd say it's pretty obvious that OP is actually sick and that healthcare professionals agree because otherwise they wouldn't give her medicine.

What has that got to do with my comment 🤔

usedtobeasizeten · 18/05/2023 14:04

GlintingFuriously · 18/05/2023 12:26

Hyperchondriac

Hypochondriac.

MarkWithaC · 18/05/2023 14:07

ConstitutionHill · 18/05/2023 11:34

I get that you could not be arsed with an argument but that really was your time to say that he has been treating you poorly when you are sick. Are you sure you are communicating clearly?

Show quote history

I suggest you read the whole thing, get a proper sense of the bigger picture and then maybe think about the concept of victim-blaming.

Nanaof1 · 18/05/2023 14:15

Jouve · 18/05/2023 10:47

@Stripyunicorn , I had a similar experience when my DC were small. My H had always been self-centred and entitled, but I only really began to wake up to it after DC2 was born. One day after he'd been away on a work trip, I became ill, went to A&E and was admitted with a potentially life-threatening condition (and thankfully made a full recovery).

My H was left looking after primary-aged DC1 and toddler DC2 and behaved as if I was being ill in order to inconvenience him. He lay down for an afternoon nap with DC2, failed to set an alarm and slept through DC1's school pick-up time - I returned from a medical procedure to find a string of missed calls from the school. When I finally got hold of H his first words were "Well, have you picked DC1 up?". Er, no, because I'm in hospital! No support, no care, no concern for me at all. His main reaction was annoyance that the school would have a go at him for being late.

Turned out that as well as feeling entitled to treat me as a domestic applicance, he also felt entitled to pursue a much younger female work colleague.

It really is shit when you discover that the person who has made vows to love and cherish you only really cares about themselves.

Please tell me you have forgotten to put an EX before the "H" in your post.

I am so sorry you were treated like that, when you were ill and when you were fine. He sounds like such a deadbeat.

CantGetDecentNickname · 18/05/2023 14:21

Really sorry as it sounds as though he just doesn't care or even believe you despite that fact that you are receiving treatment which is very hurtful. Please don't bother to contact him again, at all during the day. When he does decide to speak to you I recommend telling him calmly that since he clearly doesn't care for you and considers having to do anything for his own DC, such as feeding them, to be a chore, you'd like him to move out as that way he'd spend more time looking after his DC every other weekend and you wouldn't have to put up with a nasty atmosphere when you're feeling ill. Remain calm so he knows you are serious and not saying this in the heat of the moment. I'd ignore him and go to sleep after that (turn away as you can't have an argument with someone who isn't joining in). Leave him to think where his delightful behaviour is leading him.

If you look as many of the other posts on here, a lot of PPs are referring to their "Ex" in relation to this sort of behaviour. They are "ex" for a reason.

I hope you are able to rest and recover.

BTMadmummy · 18/05/2023 15:06

abmac95 · 18/05/2023 08:51

Are you sure you aren't exaggerating your symptoms and being a hypocondriac? If you are i'd be pissed too.

Are you OP’s OH ?

Notsurewhatodohere · 18/05/2023 19:22

blondieminx · 18/05/2023 07:02

Oh now he’s trying to say you’re in a mood? Good grief. Ignore him and focus on getting better and getting away from him. You deserve kindness, not gaslighting. Especially when poorly.

I would like to recommend you read “why does he do that: inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft.

I would second Blondieminx's book suggestion this is the one that made everything clear for me.

NoPrivateSpy · 18/05/2023 23:30

He sounds a bit unhinged to be honest. This is really not normal behaviour, at all.

DrDavidStarKey · 19/05/2023 09:13

Stripyunicorn · 18/05/2023 11:46

Probably not, but he said it in a really stroppy way like "what's wrong with you now" kind of way.
I definitely wouldn't have got anywhere speaking to him last night.

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Why would you even try to have an adult conversation about this? He's vile and is never going to apologise for his behaviour. Trying to get him to change is fruitless.

idkbroidk · 19/05/2023 22:28

@Stripyunicorn how are you doing today??? hopefully you're better despite the shitty husband!!!

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