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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH is mad because I'm not well

245 replies

Stripyunicorn · 17/05/2023 16:30

I've been ill with an infection since the weekend. DH was away at the weekend, so I've been ill since he's been home.
He's so grumpy with me.

I had to go back to the doctor's today because I've been on antibiotics but not getting better, and they advised me to go to a&e. When I phoned DH to let him know, I could practically hear his eyes rolling.
He works in the hospital I was told to go to, but he refused to come down to see me before he left. Said he couldn't because he had to get the kids. He gets the baby from nursery every day, and it's open 1.5h later than when he normally picks them up so I don't see why he couldn't have come over for 5-10 minutes just to check I'm ok.

He's now having a strop because I've had some blood tests and the results won't be back until half 5, so I won't be home until 6pm at the very earliest.

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 17/05/2023 19:24

Look after yourself @Stripyunicorn and focus on getting better.

And when you're feeling better, you can decide what you want to do about him.

bozzabollix · 17/05/2023 19:27

My husband is clinical in the hospital I’d have to go to if I got sick, and he’d be there with me like a shot. An admin worker has no bloody excuse if a critical care worker can get there.

He sounds like a proper arsehole and you deserve better than that. Once you feel better you need to go nuclear on him. Urgh, what a uncaring massive twat.

SillyMe101 · 17/05/2023 19:28

perfectcolourfound · 17/05/2023 19:24

Look after yourself @Stripyunicorn and focus on getting better.

And when you're feeling better, you can decide what you want to do about him.

Exactly. I’m so sorry, OP, that you’re faced with this when you’re feeling unwell. Rest assured that your health is important and so are you 💐

LittleMonks11 · 17/05/2023 19:29

Please do not make dinner for him when you get home. Cuddle your babies and get to bed. Hope you feel better soon.

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/05/2023 19:32

Wow. What a nasty piece of shit he is.

Sorry OP. It’s not ok. Get well soon 💐

YukoandHiro · 17/05/2023 19:34

I'm so sorry OP. He's shown his true colours since you had the baby.
Just so you're aware, there is a high rate of men leaving women when they're diagnosed with a serious illness eg cancer. It doesn't feel like he'd be there for you at the time you needed him most. Is that the relationship you want to model to your baby?
No need to make a rushed decision but this is something to consider.

ConstitutionHill · 17/05/2023 19:36

Text him back and ask him what his problem is.

When you are better I think you need some straight talking. He's treating you with contempt.

Flowers
Stratocumulus · 17/05/2023 19:43

@Stripyunicorn
Ive been following this thread so I hope you’re home by now and doing ok. Big hug because you’ve had a challenging & uncomfortable day.

I think men get subconsciously anxious when their partners get sick. Women often fulfil the role of “mother” too so if Mummy is poorly she’s not there to carry on with everything and the man -child can’t be inconvenienced or arsed to pick up the slack.

I’d store this episode away and next time your man-child needs you for support, count to ten before you jump in.
I hope you’ll soon be better. Keep us posted.

Emerald95 · 17/05/2023 19:45

What your DH is doing is awful but unfortunately not uncommen. I have a family member who worked in oncology and the amount of men who would break up with their partners during treatment was huge. So then the patient would become a single mum and he'd be off living his life without a care in the world. This was so common they actually had support staff especially to help those women.
A lot of men feel put out having to take on more of the childcare role and actually resent the mother for becoming sick.
I hope you feel better soon and give him hell next time he dare to be poorly

itsmylife7 · 17/05/2023 19:46

You don't need us strangers on mn to tell you he's a first grade arsehole but he is.
I really hope the new medication starts working soon then hopefully you can make plans to leave the arsehole. 💐

YukoandHiro · 17/05/2023 19:47

Emerald95 · 17/05/2023 19:45

What your DH is doing is awful but unfortunately not uncommen. I have a family member who worked in oncology and the amount of men who would break up with their partners during treatment was huge. So then the patient would become a single mum and he'd be off living his life without a care in the world. This was so common they actually had support staff especially to help those women.
A lot of men feel put out having to take on more of the childcare role and actually resent the mother for becoming sick.
I hope you feel better soon and give him hell next time he dare to be poorly

I'm not surprised at all but this is so so sad.

noodlezoodle · 17/05/2023 19:50

Sorry that your husband is a twat. You said you don't know how much more you can take - can I suggest that the answer is 'none', and that when you feel better, you start divorce proceedings.

I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten and I hope you feel better very soon.

Fairislefandango · 17/05/2023 19:53

There seem to be a depressingly large number of men like this. They clearly regard their wife/partner like an appliance which is there to deal with the inconveniences of life for them, so they get angry when the appliance develops a fault and they have to get off their arse and actually do something useful at home. He's a selfish pig, OP - I'm sorry and hope you feel better soon. Flowers

Losingweightissohard · 17/05/2023 19:53

He doesn’t value you anymore. Hope you get well soon x

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/05/2023 19:54

If he can't take the "in sickness and in health" part of your marriage vows seriously then he probably doesn't care about the rest of the vows either.

His reaction to you being ill is definetly all the reason you may need to separate. That it's adding to a pattern of poor behaviour means it may well be the catalyst you need.

BTMadmummy · 17/05/2023 19:57

I'm really sorry you are going through this

Whichwhatnow · 17/05/2023 19:57

Aw OP. My DH is being a bit the same at the moment which isn't like him - I had sepsis and was in hospital a couple of weeks back for a week, and am still very far from 100% (it apparently takes six to eight weeks to fully recover on average) and I can tell that he's getting a bit irritated with me constantly being exhausted and grouchy with a sore leg and not up for doing anything 'fun' like meals out or the pub etc. Particularly as I look fine now - I don't look ill at all and my massive hideously swollen scabby leg has pretty much healed so I think he just tends to forget that I'm still recovering. He is at least trying to hide it though! Take it easy and try to ignore him - the more you push yourself to act better than you feel the longer your recovery will be in the end.

All the best, I hope you're feeling better soon!

tailinthejam · 17/05/2023 19:58

What an utter shit he is.

Get well soon love, and then maybe start thinking about whether you want to remain married to someone who treats you so badly.

Solonge · 17/05/2023 19:58

I have to ask....why are you still married? does he have form for this type of behaviour? frankly time to tell him what you think and suggest a divorce going forward as you no longer wish to be married to a selfish arsehole.

Beaverbridge · 17/05/2023 20:10

Hope you feel better soon. He's an absolute twat.

gogogoji · 17/05/2023 20:29

When you get home I hope you tell him that he's a horrible person and once you are well you will be looking into divorce proceedings

Bubblyb00b · 17/05/2023 20:53

This is so heart-breaking to read. Poor OP, hope you are feeling better and hope your babies are giving you comfort.
Your husband does not love you. And on top of this he is a nasty, selfish man who despises you and who thinks he can treat you as bad as he likes because "you are not getting anywhere". - there is obviously no respect, no kindness and no compassion. I know its easier said than done, but please leave him and please move close to your parents. You deserve so much better than this.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 17/05/2023 21:14

He didn't used to be such an arsehole, just recently (the last year or so since baby was born) he's been steadily getting worse. I genuinely don't know how much more of it I can take

What a truly horrible cunt he is.

Threads like this make me so sad.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 17/05/2023 21:26

You have my sympathy, OP. My XH left me mainly because of my Crohn's disease. It wasn't even that bad at the time, but apparently it's boring and I was doing it on purpose 🙄

Original poster
Stripyunicorn · 17/05/2023 21:51

I got home about an hour and half ago. Both kids came straight over to me, so I took them to bed. He didn't say a word to me.
Apparently I'm sulking because I haven't really spoken to him. No mention of the fact he's not bothered even saying hello to me.
Just over an hour after I got home he asked what the drs said but in a "what was the point of that" tone of voice if you know what I mean? He's more interested in the football so I'm leaving him to it.

OP posts: