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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mortgage application with OW landed on my doormat!

236 replies

Theonlywayisup1 · 12/05/2023 23:58

I was with my ex fiancé for 10 years, long story short 12 weeks before our wedding he went cold and distant. He swore there was no one else…of course he was shagging someone from work! But he never told me, kept her a secret from everyone, kept messaging me daily saying how he wanted to sort things out, I’m his soulmate blah blah. A month ago I found out he’d been with her since before we separated, has been with her for over a year, all whilst telling me the most elaborate network of lies.

Today a letter addressed to him & her landed on my doormat. I opened it to find details of the house they have bought and all mortgage details! We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why! I have started to see someone new, and he can’t understand why seeing this has upset me. Should it bother me that he’s lived this double life and seems to have committed to her so quickly? I’m confused if I’m being unreasonable for this upsetting me?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2023 00:00

Of course YANBU. Your feelings are your feelings. The new man you’re dating can piss off if he feels he can dictate how you should feel about something.

Restinggoddess · 13/05/2023 00:01

Burn the documents - you never saw them. That should make his application hard to process

QueefofSheena · 13/05/2023 00:02

I’d be concerned that it came to your address. Is he still using it, and why?

endofthelinefinally · 13/05/2023 00:04

I would photocopy them, then return the originals to sender as not known at this address.

blueshoes · 13/05/2023 00:05

How did the application land up on your door step?

Who is the letter from and who was it addressed to? What is the address on the envelope. Was it delivered or did someone push it through the letterbox?

Did someone want you to see the application?

Mummapenguin20 · 13/05/2023 00:10

See id have to confront him but would then be in trouble for opening Mail addressed to someone else can you seal the envelope and return to sender fuck his application

Original poster
Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 00:12

Addressed to him & her, my address,
from a mortgage broker.

I’ve had a lot of problems with him and his family since I changed my number. They kept contacting, stalking my house, getting friends to relay messages when I threatened harassment charges. He got very angry that I moved on as wouldn’t ‘wait’ for him. It’s as if I was the one to have the affair. The whole thing has been weird.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 13/05/2023 00:12

I'd return them with 'not known at this address' mortgage companies don't really like people lying about their application!

Hotfootgoose · 13/05/2023 00:13

Of course you are upset. It’s another kick in the stomach after everything else. Sometimes fate takes a hand ! And you now know what a liar he is. Their relationship is set to fail and he will be back, so get ready to shut the door on him.

caringcarer · 13/05/2023 00:15

I'd be worried he is using your address. Return to sender, address unknown, no such person, no such home....

Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 00:17

I would contact the mortgage company asking why you have somebody else's documents, it doesn't matter that you knew him but he moved out over a year ago! It makes me wonder if he's used your house as collateral for his. You need to check there's no fraudulent activity regarding your house/mortgage asap.

SarahSmith2023 · 13/05/2023 00:18

If you steamed them
open, re steam them & reseal them AFTER taking photos of them. Return to sender as not known at this address- that should hold things up a bit.

Deciding to leave a relationship is one thing, stringing someone along & lying is quite another and that's before all the shit with his family & expecting you to wait around.

I wouldn't be bothered for them if the sale fell through, but wouldn't want that for their vendors, so I wouldn't shred the offer, though I'd be tempted!

as for your new bloke, it's ok if he just 'doesn't get it' it's not ok if the implication is you shouldn't feel that way. Tred with caution!!

Objectrelations · 13/05/2023 00:18

I don't understand why he would do all that soulmates stuff and professing his love when he has someone else 😬

ErikaReadsTheDailyMail · 13/05/2023 00:21

If there's any info on there of their current address I'd photocopy them, and send them back the them, alongside printed screenshots of all of his messages to you.
What a shit OP, you sound well rid.

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 13/05/2023 00:23

He is like so many awful men. Unfortunately they don't wear badges and they do try and pas themselves off as normal functioning emotional human beings. Fuck him over if you can and it doesn't prevent you from having a lovely life.

SpacePotato · 13/05/2023 00:27

Do you own your house?

I too would contact the mortgage broker and tell them these people do not live at your address.

crew2022 · 13/05/2023 01:13

As others have said be really careful! How has your address been used? I'd be more worried about that!
It really sounds as if you e had a lucky escape.

Fraaahnces · 13/05/2023 01:52

I would also ask why he is using YOUR address on those documents. If you want to fuck him over (I know I would!) Let them know that he has NEVER lived at this address.

SlipSlidinAway · 13/05/2023 04:32

Just do return to sender.

It's a criminal offence to open someone else's mail, even if it's sent to your address.

Headoutofplace · 13/05/2023 04:41

SlipSlidinAway · 13/05/2023 04:32

Just do return to sender.

It's a criminal offence to open someone else's mail, even if it's sent to your address.

It's not actually criminal to open someone else's mail that's been delivered to you, your have to intend to act to the other person's detriment - eg, keep their mail from them or do something unsavoury with it. As long as OP sends the paperwork back to sender or on to her ex and doesn't use the info for anything it's not criminal.

Topsyturveymam · 13/05/2023 05:10

I’d see as even more evidence that he’s a snake and thank my lucky stars I’m out of that situation! No one likes to feel lied to and manipulated though. So I can understand why you feel upset.

I’d be contacting the mortgage company to find out why my address is being used though. I wouldn’t worry too much about the opening of mail. I’d just tell a white lie and say you didn’t look at the envelope when you opened it. Why would you if you are the sole occupier??! However, once you saw the contacts you were understandably concerned about its contents and possible fraud.

Try and put some emotional difference between you and your awful ex. His current partner will have a rude awakening at some point. Feel grateful that this is no longer you and keep yourself away from him and his messed up behaviour. Well done for changing your number, now head off in the opposite direction and never look back! x

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 13/05/2023 05:26

We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love.
You know he's not committed to her then, commited people don't do stuff like this. You also know his 'love' is worthless, and he's a jerk, a good person wouldn't do things like this. It might not feel it yet, but you've had a lucky escape.

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 05:43

I would be contacting broker and the mortgage company to inform them in no uncertain terms that neither of them live at your address. Don't overthink any mind games he may or may not be playing, you do not want to be tied to any application in any way here, he's fraudulently using your address.

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 05:44

Fraaahnces · 13/05/2023 01:52

I would also ask why he is using YOUR address on those documents. If you want to fuck him over (I know I would!) Let them know that he has NEVER lived at this address.

It's not even about fucking him over, for your own protection OP you need to let them know

WeAreTheHeroes · 13/05/2023 05:48

And check the Land Registry title register for your house, if you own it, to be sure everything is in order. And credit reference agencies. If you lived together you should file a financial dissociation.

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