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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mortgage application with OW landed on my doormat!

236 replies

Theonlywayisup1 · 12/05/2023 23:58

I was with my ex fiancé for 10 years, long story short 12 weeks before our wedding he went cold and distant. He swore there was no one else…of course he was shagging someone from work! But he never told me, kept her a secret from everyone, kept messaging me daily saying how he wanted to sort things out, I’m his soulmate blah blah. A month ago I found out he’d been with her since before we separated, has been with her for over a year, all whilst telling me the most elaborate network of lies.

Today a letter addressed to him & her landed on my doormat. I opened it to find details of the house they have bought and all mortgage details! We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why! I have started to see someone new, and he can’t understand why seeing this has upset me. Should it bother me that he’s lived this double life and seems to have committed to her so quickly? I’m confused if I’m being unreasonable for this upsetting me?

OP posts:
justasking111 · 15/05/2023 15:59

I'm so glad you found out in time. I'd contact the bank and check they haven't been approached too. What a mess.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/05/2023 16:08

Its upsetting but fuck me he’s a cunt

buying a house with her whilst texting love ❤️ to you

ugh , good luck to her I say
very shaky foundations x

Thebigblueballoon · 15/05/2023 16:11

Do you plan to let your CF ex know that he’s been rumbled? Did the lender indicate how they’d move forward from here?

JemimaTab · 15/05/2023 16:24

Perhaps consider applying for protective registration with CIFAS - they put a flag against your name in case anyone seeks credit using your details (CIFAS data is used in credit checks, I think) - it costs about £30 for 2 years, I think. And do a credit check against your own name in case there’s anything else.
What a scumbag he is.

CharlottenBerg · 15/05/2023 16:38

The OP's outcome really snookers all the doom merchants who seem to think it's always 'illegal' to open mail coming to your house.

purpleboy · 15/05/2023 16:42

Karma baby!!

dunBle · 15/05/2023 16:46

Thebigblueballoon · 15/05/2023 16:11

Do you plan to let your CF ex know that he’s been rumbled? Did the lender indicate how they’d move forward from here?

Given she's already getting grief from his family, that'd probably not be a good idea. Let him find out when the mortgage company turn down his application. I also wonder if this will have wider implications for him, like an inability to get a mortgage from other providers, or police action, so it's best to keep out of it if at all possible.

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 16:48

wot an eeejit, he thought he could get away with using your address, did it not occur to him that there would be correspondence sent to him at said address?!
At least he's not bright enough to be a real threat to you OP.
I would keep quiet about it all and deny having received any letters for him if he asks, I presume he thought you'd just obediently forward the post to him?

unbelieveable22 · 15/05/2023 17:14

Well done. At least you know why he was trying to keep you onside. He really is a dangerous person and you've had a lucky escape. Wonder how long they will stay together now?

MysteryBelle · 15/05/2023 18:28

I’m trying to figure out how he attracted both the op and the other woman in the first place. He sounds like a buffoon.

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/05/2023 18:38

Heaven's delight!

Thank heavens that letter landed on your doormat and you opened it! You could have ended upon all sorts of trouble and all sorts of debt that wasn't yours.

Karma's a bitch! Let's hope she bites your ex really hard!

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/05/2023 18:39

Thebigblueballoon · 15/05/2023 16:11

Do you plan to let your CF ex know that he’s been rumbled? Did the lender indicate how they’d move forward from here?

Personally I wouldn't bother - I'd just sit and enjoy it.

MysteryBelle · 15/05/2023 18:47

Well done, op. Isn’t it nice when Justice is done?

Daleksatemyshed · 15/05/2023 18:51

Well done Op, why should your credit records suffer for him! Now sign up with an agency like Clearscore, they send you regular updates so you can see if he's silly enough to have another go

CabbagePatchDole · 15/05/2023 20:13

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 16:48

wot an eeejit, he thought he could get away with using your address, did it not occur to him that there would be correspondence sent to him at said address?!
At least he's not bright enough to be a real threat to you OP.
I would keep quiet about it all and deny having received any letters for him if he asks, I presume he thought you'd just obediently forward the post to him?

That might have been why he was contacting OP professing undying love. He was just trying to butter her up. He knows how much we women respond to being told men love us. All they have to do is drop the L bomb and we are putty in their hands - or so he thinks.

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 21:32

CabbagePatchDole · 15/05/2023 20:13

That might have been why he was contacting OP professing undying love. He was just trying to butter her up. He knows how much we women respond to being told men love us. All they have to do is drop the L bomb and we are putty in their hands - or so he thinks.

Show quote history

indeed, mind you
'Cheeky git didn’t get away with it this time, but certainly would of if I hadn’t of acted'
cheeky doesnt seem like the right word, it's fraud isnt it?

CharlottenBerg · 15/05/2023 21:34

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 21:32

indeed, mind you
'Cheeky git didn’t get away with it this time, but certainly would of if I hadn’t of acted'
cheeky doesnt seem like the right word, it's fraud isnt it?

Show quote history

...would have if I hadn't acted?

lamaze1 · 15/05/2023 21:55

Apologies if anyone has already said. Report to Action Fraud so that you have a crime reference number just in case you miss any post/it doesn't arrive.

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 22:05

CharlottenBerg · 15/05/2023 21:34

...would have if I hadn't acted?

Show quote history

I was quoting from the OP, the grammatical error was not mine!

Fraaahnces · 16/05/2023 00:02

And now he’s going to be more of an arsehole because it’s “not fair” that he’s been caught out. What a prick.

altmember · 16/05/2023 00:46

Sounds like he's spunb a very complicated web of deceit and that it's all going to unravel for him very soon, as he completely deserves.

Not once has he had post turn up here, and I know he had a mail divert on.

I think the longest redirect period you can have is 12 months. Seem to recall that you can't set one up/renew it without Royal Mail sending a notice/request to the old address. So maybe his redirect has ran out?

crew2022 · 16/05/2023 06:37

lamaze1 · 15/05/2023 21:55

Apologies if anyone has already said. Report to Action Fraud so that you have a crime reference number just in case you miss any post/it doesn't arrive.

Definitely do this. You get a reference number and an official record. You don't know what else he has tried to do.
Things like mortgage applications say do not redirect but lots of other stuff can be part of the post office redirection service.
Action Fraud advised us to sign up to a credit check service called clears ore which is free and monitor this, but I can see you've already checked the credit searches in your name. Keep doing this.

Emotionalsupportviper · 16/05/2023 10:00

CabbagePatchDole · 15/05/2023 20:13

That might have been why he was contacting OP professing undying love. He was just trying to butter her up. He knows how much we women respond to being told men love us. All they have to do is drop the L bomb and we are putty in their hands - or so he thinks.

Show quote history

. . . and , of course, having once having experienced the joys of their magnificent willies, nothing else will be ever good enough for us - all other men pale into insignificance - and we will be desperate to do anything to get them back . . .

😬🙄😂

justasking111 · 16/05/2023 12:05

Emotionalsupportviper · 16/05/2023 10:00

. . . and , of course, having once having experienced the joys of their magnificent willies, nothing else will be ever good enough for us - all other men pale into insignificance - and we will be desperate to do anything to get them back . . .

😬🙄😂

Show quote history

Snorted on my coffee. I've never met a magnificent willie personally 😉. I've seen them online and clenched up in fear though 🤭

lamaze1 · 16/05/2023 18:59

altmember · 16/05/2023 00:46

Sounds like he's spunb a very complicated web of deceit and that it's all going to unravel for him very soon, as he completely deserves.

Not once has he had post turn up here, and I know he had a mail divert on.

I think the longest redirect period you can have is 12 months. Seem to recall that you can't set one up/renew it without Royal Mail sending a notice/request to the old address. So maybe his redirect has ran out?

We had someone fraudulently use our address. Despite being on notice Royal Mail did nothing another than allow the fraudulent individual to renew for 4 years! They said they would only stop the farce on receipt of a court order restraining the fraudster from doing what it was doing whilst simultaneously refusing to provide any details due to GDPR/data protection 🙄. Note eye roll is re Royal Mail.

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