Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mortgage application with OW landed on my doormat!

236 replies

Theonlywayisup1 · 12/05/2023 23:58

I was with my ex fiancé for 10 years, long story short 12 weeks before our wedding he went cold and distant. He swore there was no one else…of course he was shagging someone from work! But he never told me, kept her a secret from everyone, kept messaging me daily saying how he wanted to sort things out, I’m his soulmate blah blah. A month ago I found out he’d been with her since before we separated, has been with her for over a year, all whilst telling me the most elaborate network of lies.

Today a letter addressed to him & her landed on my doormat. I opened it to find details of the house they have bought and all mortgage details! We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why! I have started to see someone new, and he can’t understand why seeing this has upset me. Should it bother me that he’s lived this double life and seems to have committed to her so quickly? I’m confused if I’m being unreasonable for this upsetting me?

OP posts:
LoonyLois · 13/05/2023 07:35

I’d be emailing the broker and telling them. Why on earth is he using your address?!

Bluemuf · 13/05/2023 07:36

I think mortgage documents for anyone, addressed to your home woukd ve a big concern. Even if it is a genuine mistake, the mortgage company need to know so you are protected.

Pegsandsunshine · 13/05/2023 07:36

BadNomad · 13/05/2023 06:56

So the woman he cheated with and now owns a house with will know he's been trying to cheat on her. Karma?

Show quote history

But if OP puts it through the letterbox the OW will not know, and at any rate, she was shagging a man who was about to get married, so deserves this wonderful man and get implicated with him.

And trying to meet up a stalker and his new flame is really not a good idea.

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 07:38

I bet he used that address for ID purposes - I imagine he hasn’t changed his driving licence and so for proof of address he used that and his passport. Broker probably told him all docs would arrive by email.

Killingmytime · 13/05/2023 08:09

Contact the mortgage company! You
dont want him using your address!

Floppyelf · 13/05/2023 08:12

you shouldn’t have let them coerce you into not filing police report. Report him and his relatives for harassment. Contact the lender and state that your address is not legally his and he is fraudulently using your address.
get a massive bucket of popcorn and enjoy the shit show! Keep your wits about you and laugh.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 13/05/2023 08:13

It could well be that your ex has just not updated his address on his bank details, but you don't know that so:-

I would reseal the envelope and return to sender with 'these people do not live at this address' written on it.

I would register with the land registry property alert system and check whose names are on your house deeds.

I would also register with one of the credit agencies to get alerts if someone is using your information to get a mortgage, credit card etc.

Yes of course you are upset. Your crazy ex stalker is using your address in some way in a mortgage application. WTAF? That would upset anyone.

Floppyelf · 13/05/2023 08:15

Brokers work on commission. His interests are their interest. Contact the lender directly. All financial institutions have a fraud team. After you make the police report, make sure you detail that on top of harrassment, he is using your address fraudulently and give the lender the crime reference number.

Original poster
Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 08:19

Oh there’s so much more to this. They’ve lied on the application, saying they are both living with families, I know for a fact he/they rents a house. He is being investigated at work and very likely is to lose his job, they’ve stated that there is likely to be no change in their financial circumstances. He’s using another property that we owned to fund the deposit, yet that property isn’t sold yet, so is borrowing the money from a family member. It makes for quite a good read if I’m honest 😂. He’s a pathological liar and I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him. The strange thing is that I’ve just bought a new house and my mortgage offer was granted the day this letter turned up (it’s a letter from their broker outlining what property they’ve applied for a mortgage on, not an actual offer or full application). Not once has he had post turn up here, and I know he had a mail divert on. It feels like he’s got it sent here to rub it in my face that he’s bought a house with her (best part of a million pounds too, so not a little cheapy)

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 13/05/2023 08:23

He sounds like an absolute sociopath. You are well rid.

PylaSheight · 13/05/2023 08:24

she was shagging a man who was about to get married, so deserves this wonderful man and get implicated with him.

@Pegsandsunshine in fairness OP hasn't said (that I can see) the OW knew about her so it could be that she's an innocent in all this

KTheGrey · 13/05/2023 08:27

I agree that it's really important he isn't using your address or any other address you are associated with. Check all records like electoral roll and clarify situation about the other house with mortgage brokers.

Gosh you had a lucky escape there. He and his family sound quite delusional.

Original poster
Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 08:28

PylaSheight · 13/05/2023 08:24

she was shagging a man who was about to get married, so deserves this wonderful man and get implicated with him.

@Pegsandsunshine in fairness OP hasn't said (that I can see) the OW knew about her so it could be that she's an innocent in all this

Oh she knew!! I found emails where they were planning to be on the same work trips. Myself and his brother even messaged her once and she got all defensive and denied everything. She knew his wedding was planned. He actually cancelled our wedding without telling me, I found out via my caterers 😂

OP posts:
Pegsandsunshine · 13/05/2023 08:36

PylaSheight · 13/05/2023 08:24

she was shagging a man who was about to get married, so deserves this wonderful man and get implicated with him.

@Pegsandsunshine in fairness OP hasn't said (that I can see) the OW knew about her so it could be that she's an innocent in all this

Whaaaaaat? What a classy man.

I can't phantom what his deal is. He is moving on with this new woman but still wants to be involved in you, or maybe they are both psychopaths and just trying to mess with your head?

Whiteroomjoy · 13/05/2023 08:38

WeAreTheHeroes · 13/05/2023 05:48

And check the Land Registry title register for your house, if you own it, to be sure everything is in order. And credit reference agencies. If you lived together you should file a financial dissociation.

You can put a marker on your property in the land registry data base. It will then send an automated notification if anyone requests the deeds etc.

aSofaNearYou · 13/05/2023 08:43

YANBU to feel as you do but it isn't something I would lean on a new partner over.

Bathintheshed · 13/05/2023 08:47

I agree with others, contact the lenders. Not the broker who is working for your ex. Credit check for yourself, check electoral register and land registry (for both of your properties) and check with solicitor re your other property. Keep a copy of paperwork.

Jamhamlamb · 13/05/2023 08:47

I'd send it back to the broker after I had annotated the lies

Malificent1 · 13/05/2023 08:49

You HAVE to tell the mortgage lender. This is your chance of karma. They have both shat all over you, and now it’s your turn to fling it back at them. Never will it have been more justified!

Toooldtoworry · 13/05/2023 08:51

@Theonlywayisup1 In view of your update please return it to wherever it came from 'not lived at this address since x date - now lives at y address since x date'.

Contrary to a previous post if a mortgage broker has the slightest suspicion that a client is lying they are obliged to complete a suspicious activity report, otherwise they could be seen as complicit and be fined/imprisoned, but would definitely not be working in financial services again.

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 08:52

I wouldn’t contact the lender - OP shouldn’t have opened the post. This doesn’t really concern her.

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 08:54

Toooldtoworry · 13/05/2023 08:51

@Theonlywayisup1 In view of your update please return it to wherever it came from 'not lived at this address since x date - now lives at y address since x date'.

Contrary to a previous post if a mortgage broker has the slightest suspicion that a client is lying they are obliged to complete a suspicious activity report, otherwise they could be seen as complicit and be fined/imprisoned, but would definitely not be working in financial services again.

I deal with brokers a lot. They don’t investigate thoroughly enjoy and don’t ask questions.

I’ve dealt with some excellent brokers, but often they’re young case handlers with the objective of meeting targets and earning commission and aren’t too concerned with the finer detail.

Toooldtoworry · 13/05/2023 08:56

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 08:54

I deal with brokers a lot. They don’t investigate thoroughly enjoy and don’t ask questions.

I’ve dealt with some excellent brokers, but often they’re young case handlers with the objective of meeting targets and earning commission and aren’t too concerned with the finer detail.

Show quote history

I work in a brokerage, and I've been doing an advisory role for 23 years. I've NEVER worked in a brokerage where they haven't taken it seriously.

We clearly have very different experiences.

Marchintospring · 13/05/2023 08:56

You still have a property together then?

I think it’s very hard to get closure if you still have contact. You have my sympathy. At some point you won’t ever have to give him head space. It’s wonderfully freeing.

MzHz · 13/05/2023 08:58

Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 00:17

I would contact the mortgage company asking why you have somebody else's documents, it doesn't matter that you knew him but he moved out over a year ago! It makes me wonder if he's used your house as collateral for his. You need to check there's no fraudulent activity regarding your house/mortgage asap.

I agree with this. It’s totally weird that it’s turned up at your house - that should make alarm bells ring.

as for the new guy, yeah well I can see why he thinks it’s weird in terms of typical bloke logic, he’s not been through what you’ve been through

does new bloke know about the ex trying to get back with you?

the good thing is that his new relationship is also doomed if he’s already sniffing about elsewhere

Swipe left for the next trending thread