Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mortgage application with OW landed on my doormat!

236 replies

Theonlywayisup1 · 12/05/2023 23:58

I was with my ex fiancé for 10 years, long story short 12 weeks before our wedding he went cold and distant. He swore there was no one else…of course he was shagging someone from work! But he never told me, kept her a secret from everyone, kept messaging me daily saying how he wanted to sort things out, I’m his soulmate blah blah. A month ago I found out he’d been with her since before we separated, has been with her for over a year, all whilst telling me the most elaborate network of lies.

Today a letter addressed to him & her landed on my doormat. I opened it to find details of the house they have bought and all mortgage details! We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why! I have started to see someone new, and he can’t understand why seeing this has upset me. Should it bother me that he’s lived this double life and seems to have committed to her so quickly? I’m confused if I’m being unreasonable for this upsetting me?

OP posts:
Bluebellbike · 13/05/2023 11:08

WeAreTheHeroes · 13/05/2023 05:48

And check the Land Registry title register for your house, if you own it, to be sure everything is in order. And credit reference agencies. If you lived together you should file a financial dissociation.

You can put a marker on your property on the Land Registry so you are notified if anyone accesses the title.

MySugarBabyLove · 13/05/2023 11:23

MysteryBelle · 13/05/2023 10:54

The reason he professes his love for you while buying a house with another woman is to keep you sweet and docile waiting for his love to return in order to give him time to do a number on you, makes perfect sense from a psycho’s twisted perspective. Make copy of the documents and print out his text messages to you making two copies. Make sure no weird legal stuff that affects you is going on behind your back. Inform specific mortgage company broker of the facts in person, handing him/her back the packet of documents and attached to outside of envelope one copy of the text messages. No need to explain. Then post an envelope addressed to woman containing the 2nd copy of the text messages. Then get locks changed. Then continue on with your life.

No absolutely do not do this.

The mortgage company aren’t interest in your ongoing disagreements, his text messages to you or anything. For them this is clearly a financial transaction and emotion is irrelevant.

If you want to send copies of the texts to his gf then that’s up to you but personally I wouldn’t. As they say, the best revenge is living well.

Sort out this issue with the mortgage because you have to, and for your own benefit in the longer term, and then distance yourself from them as far as you can and get on with your life.

Jellifulfruit · 13/05/2023 11:26

i thibk reporting is a very good idea

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:27

Isn’t it illegal to open mail not addressed to you? Should’ve just given it back to postman instead of nosying in.

CharlottenBerg · 13/05/2023 11:31

No, it's not always illegal. Has been explained several times now.

perfectcolourfound · 13/05/2023 11:32

Glad you're going to report him. It's the morally right thing to do, as well as in your case that additional professional expectation. And you don't owe him any loyalty do you?!

I'd be concerned about him linking new debts to your address.

And don't let new man make you question your own feelings. They are your feelings so can't be 'wrong'. He doesn't get to dictate how you should feel in different circumstances.

CharlottenBerg · 13/05/2023 11:34

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:27

Isn’t it illegal to open mail not addressed to you? Should’ve just given it back to postman instead of nosying in.

No. It depends on the reason for opening and what you do with the docs or information inside.

MySugarBabyLove · 13/05/2023 11:36

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:27

Isn’t it illegal to open mail not addressed to you? Should’ve just given it back to postman instead of nosying in.

Isn’t it illegal to apply for a mortgage using a false address?

Honestly the fact that people can get worked up about opening someone’s mail when that mail involves actions which could put the opener at risk never cease to amaze me.

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BadNomad · 13/05/2023 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It is her business when he's using her address to fraudulently get a mortgage.

Ofcourseshecan · 13/05/2023 11:41

MySugarBabyLove · 13/05/2023 11:36

Isn’t it illegal to apply for a mortgage using a false address?

Honestly the fact that people can get worked up about opening someone’s mail when that mail involves actions which could put the opener at risk never cease to amaze me.

Show quote history

Quite. OP is at serious risk of fraud by someone she knows to be dishonest. She would have been very foolish to ignore the letter that luckily revealed what he was up to.

monsteramunch · 13/05/2023 11:42

@Fannehflaps

None of her business though is it. Fucking tapped exes opening and hiding peoples mail. Leave em alone and get on with your own life.

A mortgage application has been made and at some point the application has been connected to her address. That absolutely is her business.

And yeah, she sounds like the 'tapped ex' and not the guy doing the below... 🙄

We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why!

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:43

CharlottenBerg · 13/05/2023 11:34

No. It depends on the reason for opening and what you do with the docs or information inside.

Show quote history

Yes, it is. She was opening it to spy on her ex. why else would she have opened it mail that hasn’t got her name on it?

justasking111 · 13/05/2023 11:44

endofthelinefinally · 13/05/2023 00:04

I would photocopy them, then return the originals to sender as not known at this address.

Definitely this and anything else that you had together

Ofcourseshecan · 13/05/2023 11:45

And good idea to photograph all the documents. It will be useful for OP to have proof of his fraud.

CharlottenBerg · 13/05/2023 11:46

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:43

Yes, it is. She was opening it to spy on her ex. why else would she have opened it mail that hasn’t got her name on it?

Show quote history

If it ever got to court, and that's v. unlikely, the fact that she's his ex and risks financial damage from any monkey business he's pulling would weigh on her side.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 13/05/2023 11:47

I wouldn’t report to the lenders customer service etc I’d photograph each page on my pad/phone and send them to the CEO of the company via email. Most of them have an email address publicly available. More chance of being acted on then.

monsteramunch · 13/05/2023 11:47

@Fannehflaps

Yes, it is. She was opening it to spy on her ex. why else would she have opened it mail that hasn’t got her name on it?

Lucky she did open it as she now knows he's potentially committing fraud by connecting her address to a mortgage application without her knowledge or permission.

And legally she hasn't committed an offence. The law I think you're mentioning (postal services act 2000) states:

"A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

The wording in bold means she hasn't committed an offence.

HTH.

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:49

She didn’t know what it was until she opened it, so I still don’t see how you can justify it any other way than her being very nosy & trying to dig n use the info for malicious intent, and that is illegal.

monsteramunch · 13/05/2023 11:52

Fannehflaps · 13/05/2023 11:49

She didn’t know what it was until she opened it, so I still don’t see how you can justify it any other way than her being very nosy & trying to dig n use the info for malicious intent, and that is illegal.

It isn't illegal though, because proof she was planning to act to the detriment is required to meet the threshold of charge let alone conviction for that offence.

You don't understand the wording of the law in question, which is fine obviously. But you're wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 13/05/2023 11:54

I still don’t see how you can justify it any other way than her being very nosy & trying to dig n use the info for malicious intent, and that is illegal

As opposed to the ex apparently fraudulently using her property to apply for a mortgage?

I see the hard of thinking have arrived.

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 11:54

monsteramunch · 13/05/2023 11:47

@Fannehflaps

Yes, it is. She was opening it to spy on her ex. why else would she have opened it mail that hasn’t got her name on it?

Lucky she did open it as she now knows he's potentially committing fraud by connecting her address to a mortgage application without her knowledge or permission.

And legally she hasn't committed an offence. The law I think you're mentioning (postal services act 2000) states:

"A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him."

The wording in bold means she hasn't committed an offence.

HTH.

Totally disagree that she doesn’t meet the criteria you have bolded.

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 11:55

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 13/05/2023 11:54

I still don’t see how you can justify it any other way than her being very nosy & trying to dig n use the info for malicious intent, and that is illegal

As opposed to the ex apparently fraudulently using her property to apply for a mortgage?

I see the hard of thinking have arrived.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 13/05/2023 11:56

How is she intending to act to the ex's detriment by opening post delivered to her address? are you suggesting that she should just go ahead and let him apparently use her address to commit mortgage fraud?

monsteramunch · 13/05/2023 11:56

@RedRosette2023

Totally disagree that she doesn’t meet the criteria you have bolded.

From the information we've been given, what evidence do you think would meet a legal threshold to prove she was 'intending to act to ex's detriment'?

Swipe left for the next trending thread