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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mortgage application with OW landed on my doormat!

236 replies

Theonlywayisup1 · 12/05/2023 23:58

I was with my ex fiancé for 10 years, long story short 12 weeks before our wedding he went cold and distant. He swore there was no one else…of course he was shagging someone from work! But he never told me, kept her a secret from everyone, kept messaging me daily saying how he wanted to sort things out, I’m his soulmate blah blah. A month ago I found out he’d been with her since before we separated, has been with her for over a year, all whilst telling me the most elaborate network of lies.

Today a letter addressed to him & her landed on my doormat. I opened it to find details of the house they have bought and all mortgage details! We have been separated for over a year, but up until just a few weeks back he was messaging me confessing his love. I changed my phone number as I couldn’t deal with his words and actions not matching, now I know why! I have started to see someone new, and he can’t understand why seeing this has upset me. Should it bother me that he’s lived this double life and seems to have committed to her so quickly? I’m confused if I’m being unreasonable for this upsetting me?

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 13/05/2023 09:38

@RedHelenB

Genius!

😂

Thebigblueballoon · 13/05/2023 09:39

Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 09:17

Think I’m going to call the lender

Call/write to the lender explaining that he hasn’t lived there for over a year, that she has never lived there (why the f would he attach her name to your house?! HUGE red flag right there) and that they are renting a property at X address. That will highlight the fact he’s lying on multiple parts of the application, and should get him into a lot of bother.

Bathintheshed · 13/05/2023 09:41

Thebigblueballoon · 13/05/2023 09:39

Call/write to the lender explaining that he hasn’t lived there for over a year, that she has never lived there (why the f would he attach her name to your house?! HUGE red flag right there) and that they are renting a property at X address. That will highlight the fact he’s lying on multiple parts of the application, and should get him into a lot of bother.

Show quote history

Yes I agree with this. They won't discuss his application no, but they will act on information you've given. 'Hi, I've recieved a fraudulent mortgage application for an ex partner that moved out over a year ago..'

MrsMontyD · 13/05/2023 09:43

So, it's perfectly legal to open post addressed to someone else, for the purpose of preventing fraud, so I would open anything that comes to my address with someone else's name on, why wouldn't you?

Those saying return to sender, you'd really do that if an obvious credit card statement dropped through your door in someone else's name? Really?

Return to Sender doesn't work. In my experience from dealing with a now exH using my address (FMH) the lender WILL speak to you, they won't tell you anything of course, but they will speak to you, one credit card company even called me back to say they'd spoken to him and had updated his address.

Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2023 09:46

caringcarer · 13/05/2023 00:15

I'd be worried he is using your address. Return to sender, address unknown, no such person, no such home....

This. I would have some concerns.

As for your new bloke, he doesn't sound much of a prize either.

MySugarBabyLove · 13/05/2023 09:47

To the posters suggesting that the OP not get involved, if the OP does nothing and just passes on this information she is complicit in fraud as her property is fraudulently being used as grounds for a mortgage application, and as she now knows this, if she says nothing then she is complicit, so the OP is both legally and morally obliged to report this.

OP, the lender won’t discuss this application with you, however I would ring their fraud department and tell them that your address is being used fraudulently as part of a mortgage application, and you need written assurance that your address will be removed from this application. You will then need to send the documents back to the lender, and they should arrange to send you the relevant confirmation. If they fail to do this you can then go to the FCA, but hopefully reporting the fraud to the lender’s fraud department should resolve this.

Additionally you need to check the electoral role to make sure that he is no longer registered at your property. Because electoral role is also used as part of a credit check, so if he has debts elsewhere then that suggests he hasn’t declared those and is still registered at your address.

TheHandmaiden · 13/05/2023 09:48

God your ex is a passive aggressive twat. I assume that you did not cry enough or fall for this bullshit so you need a mortgage application so that you contact him.

Pathetic. Expect the next stage to be him asking if you received it. I'd just write "not known at this address" and put it the post.

PaniniHead · 13/05/2023 09:50

Do you have a mortgage on the other property you own together? Would there be a possibility he has remortgaged (with her pretending to be you) to release equity?

Thelnebriati · 13/05/2023 09:54

He hasn't moved on; he's harassing you and this is part of it. He's using your address because in his mind, it keeps the link open between you.

CharlottenBerg · 13/05/2023 09:58

MrsMontyD · 13/05/2023 09:43

So, it's perfectly legal to open post addressed to someone else, for the purpose of preventing fraud, so I would open anything that comes to my address with someone else's name on, why wouldn't you?

Those saying return to sender, you'd really do that if an obvious credit card statement dropped through your door in someone else's name? Really?

Return to Sender doesn't work. In my experience from dealing with a now exH using my address (FMH) the lender WILL speak to you, they won't tell you anything of course, but they will speak to you, one credit card company even called me back to say they'd spoken to him and had updated his address.

I used to work for a big organisation that had a specific duty assigned to returned mail. Royal Mail would deliver items back with a little red sticker with little boxes on, one or more being ticked, e.g. 'Addressee gone away', 'Address incomplete', 'Address inaccessible', 'Addressee unknown', 'Refused', 'Not called for' (if a card had been left for e.g. a signed-for item and it hadn't been collected after 18 calendar days), 'No such address'. Sometimes also info was handwritten on the envelope by an occupant (angry 'GONE AWAY!!!'), or a postal worker, like 'Demolished'. Items were sorted and entries made or corrected on customer databases and if the possibility of a deliberately false address arose, that was flagged. Of course, not all organisations go to these lengths, but analysis of returned mail can be a useful way of saving wasted postage and time.

Lindjam · 13/05/2023 10:00

I would be far more concerned about the fraud!

Agree with contacting lender (in writing probably better) telling them neither party lives at your address, they live in rented at x address. Also that Property A that he is using as deposit is jointly owned by you and has not been sold.

Time this fucker was outed as a serial liar.

Butterfly44 · 13/05/2023 10:01

Check your credit score. You don't want your name associated with this mortgage - which it could be as you are linked to the address and on electric roll I imagine.

CabbagePatchDole · 13/05/2023 10:09

blueshoes · 13/05/2023 00:05

How did the application land up on your door step?

Who is the letter from and who was it addressed to? What is the address on the envelope. Was it delivered or did someone push it through the letterbox?

Did someone want you to see the application?

He must have used your address in his mortgage application - you need to supply details of having lived somewhere for x number of years. Bloody cheek! I would be very upset. .Although I understand why the new fella doesn’t quite get it - he wants to feel that he is making you happy, but feelings are feelings. And it’s horrible to feel that someone used you. Take your time and take care of yourself. You will be all right.

Original poster
Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 10:10

Interestingly about the fraud, I am the owner and active managing director of an FCA approved company. He is obviously aware of this. I have an obligation to report and suspicious activity surrounding fraud. I take my responsibilities very seriously. The underwriters are unavailable today, so I will contact all parties on Monday, explaining my concern.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/05/2023 10:12

Definitely contact the lender.
also check your credit score and your own lenders to let them know-you don’t want anything to effect your new mortgage/home

Floppyelf · 13/05/2023 10:20

You’ve got support users of both genders. Hopefully Karma will bite him in the arse, you owe him nothing and to actually harass you…. Do not hesitate for a second in protecting your interests.

eleanoreleanoreleanor · 13/05/2023 10:25

I'm guessing either his redirect has run out of it's been 12 months, or it didn't work as there are 2 people addresses on the letter, not just his name.

When we did our redirect after moving it was very clear that we had to list all names on the form including our childrens names otherwise it wouldn't work.

I guess he intended for you never to see.

RedRosette2023 · 13/05/2023 10:26

Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 10:10

Interestingly about the fraud, I am the owner and active managing director of an FCA approved company. He is obviously aware of this. I have an obligation to report and suspicious activity surrounding fraud. I take my responsibilities very seriously. The underwriters are unavailable today, so I will contact all parties on Monday, explaining my concern.

Does this obligation really extend to a civilian who is not related to your business activities?

Humanbiology · 13/05/2023 10:30

With that update I would look into it. He's a swine.

Original poster
Theonlywayisup1 · 13/05/2023 10:35

Possibly not, but knowing how snakey he is I don’t want to take any risks.

OP posts:
Bluemuf · 13/05/2023 10:37

Hmm. If he knows you'd be obliged to report, I wonder if this is his way of escaping from this obligation, a bit like cancelling your wedding and letting the caterers tell you it was off?

Either way, report and get on with enjoying your new life.

Conkersinautumn · 13/05/2023 10:40

Contact the mortgage company say not ar this address as they are highly private you have destroyed them.

But actually stick them through his door with printouts of the screen shots of him professing his ongoing love and adoration.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/05/2023 10:43

Take the emotion out of the situation and look at the fact, they've applied for a mortgage and used your address. This is fraud, and the only part you can prove. So I'd ring the lender, speak to their fraud department (they will have one) and explain that these people don't live at your address.

I'd also then do a couple of credit checks on yourself and check they've not taken out credit in either your name or at your address

Then out the emotion back in and thank your lucky stars you re not in the OW position

helpmyteen · 13/05/2023 10:45

Pixiedust1234 · 13/05/2023 00:17

I would contact the mortgage company asking why you have somebody else's documents, it doesn't matter that you knew him but he moved out over a year ago! It makes me wonder if he's used your house as collateral for his. You need to check there's no fraudulent activity regarding your house/mortgage asap.

THIS!!!

And, yes, of course you have the right to feel upset about being lied to (& still being lied to - it's not quite over yet!) & the weird behaviour from his rellies etc.
If your new man cant accept that then I'd distance him for the time being.

MysteryBelle · 13/05/2023 10:54

The reason he professes his love for you while buying a house with another woman is to keep you sweet and docile waiting for his love to return in order to give him time to do a number on you, makes perfect sense from a psycho’s twisted perspective. Make copy of the documents and print out his text messages to you making two copies. Make sure no weird legal stuff that affects you is going on behind your back. Inform specific mortgage company broker of the facts in person, handing him/her back the packet of documents and attached to outside of envelope one copy of the text messages. No need to explain. Then post an envelope addressed to woman containing the 2nd copy of the text messages. Then get locks changed. Then continue on with your life.

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