If you think your partner doesn’t have time for an affair, think again

[toooldforthisshite]

They will find a way. Even the most seemingly gentle, respectable guy, you know, the one who everyone says ‘he would never’. They do.
They will invite their side bit to their work during work hours if necessary to avoid having to make excuses as to why they are late home. They will wait for you to fall asleep then start chatting to her. They will delete every message they receive or send.

You cannot compare murder to basic human desires.

I actually agree. Sadly.

So what is the answer? Staying single? Genuinely asking

I agree that nobody can be 100% certain their partner will never cheat. Things might change. I'm not 100% how I will fell this time next year, or what I will want in a year. So being 100% certain of somebody else's feelings/needs , that's not possible.

I found out mine was had been having one for 7 years and I didn’t have a clue.

No, but accepting that lifetime monogamy is unrealistic.

Monogamy while you raise children makes a lot of sense. Outside of that it's all a bit unnecessary, except that it's an expectation that's so cultural ingrained.

@swayingpalmtree i don’t know what the answer is, I guess just don’t be naive, it’s not all red flags.

This thread is incredibly unpleasant.

Of course some people cheat, and of course sometimes the other partner will be oblivious, but that doesn’t mean everyone will, and the whole “if you think insert situation> then you’re wrong,” is nothing short of sneering at people who have the nerve to be in trusting relationships.

It’s as good as wishing affairs on people because you’ve been through one.

I’m sorry for those who have been cheated on, but perhaps instead of being so bitter and sneering at people whose partners haven’t cheated, pretty much coming across as if you hope they do, you ought to find yourself a good therapist.

Ah well I do agree with you there. I’m sorry you are hurting x

Not all men or women would cheat, but I work in an industry where I see lots of infidelity and let me tell you whether it's the bolshy salesperson, the geeky IT guy, the CEO, the new father, that nice old guy in accounts... infidelity does not discriminate. I was so shocked at first but now wouldn't put it past anyone.

Not every man will cheat even if handed it on a plate.
Conversely, not everyone who cheats is a bad person.
Humans make mistakes and are flawed. You can love the person and cheat for other reasons.
You also can heal the relationship sometimes. Other times not.

@MayThe4th im not sneering at anyone. It’s reality, however grim.

I’m sorry for those who have been cheated on, but perhaps instead of being so bitter and sneering at people whose partners haven’t cheated, pretty much coming across as if you hope they do, you ought to find yourself a good therapist

I agree with this. This thread has a really unpleasant tone to it. Almost as if people want others to cheat just so they can say “I told you so” 🙄

@slipsand exactly my point.

Yep I agree. Even if it’s not a full blown affair, every single person has the capability of acting inappropriately with someone else whilst being in a relationship. It’s not hard to believe that all people are capable of having an affair at some point of their relationship

What an odd thread.

FWIW I think there's a great many degrees between the outer edges of 'convinced it will never happen' and 'certain it absolutely will' and many of us sit in the bracket of aware that it could but hopeful that it won't and quietly keeping an eye on any factors that have potential to blow up and contribute to that perfect storm.

The OP Is correct. I've known so many smug marrieds who think it can't happen to them, only to see them standing around dumbfounded when it does.

Take nothing for granted.

"I'm getting this, not from him, but someone he's confiding in."

Yup, my mates ex did this knowing full well it was going straight back to her. Guess what, she took him back when he came running because by then she'd got over the shock and labelled him an "old fool" having a "midlife crisis".

They'd been at it like rabbits (viagara) for 18 months. She slung him out but felt awful having been taken in by the script. He's still with the much younger woman years on.

Believe fucking nothing mate. He's a liar. If you think you found out from the first text and he's actually left for her and you believe they've not been having sex you're walking right into the trap.

Bollocks. Your posts all have an unpleasant self righteous tone to them.

People aren’t stupid, you don’t need to come on here and argue with people that they’re wrong, essentially telling people their partners are cheating just because yours did.

You’re clearly enjoying this.

This thread needs deleting.

This works both ways. People will find a way to what they want to do. Some people, some men even, will want to be faithful. They will put the effort in to resist temptation and not allow vulnerable circumstances to lead them down that path.

We had an excellent AMA on here the other week from an Orthodox Jewish woman. That religion includes rules which some men interpret as requiring them to cross the street if a women is walking on their side (especially someone not of their religion). While this is an extreme example (and many do not agree with such rules for other reasons) it does highlight that many men and women accept temptation is something we can all experience and be vulnerable to. But just because we can all be tempted, does not mean everyone will be unfaithful. I do believe there are those (religious or secular) who are capable of resisting temptation even when at a low point in life. To suggest there aren't is to dismiss the effort and achievement of such people.

It's also all just a bit hopeless to say "everyone can so everyone will". I refuse to give in to that line of thinking.

Why are they smug for simply expecting their spouse not to cheat? No one goes into a marriage thinking “can’t wait to marry you! But you’ll definitely cheat on me!” That would be idiotic to marry someone if you think that.

I’m assuming you’ve also cheated OP or are 100% sure you would?

Life can get in the way 🤷‍♀️ I understand why I my friends don't get back straight away and they're understanding of me too. It's called having true friends.

It’s not sneering at all, and therapy doesn’t really change anything does it?

I wouldn’t wish being cheated on on anybody, but trusting a partner 100% forever is naive. Cheating is far, far more common than most people believe. For every one affair you know of, there’ll be ten more that you don’t.

Far better to trust yourself 100%, have strong boundaries and know that if the worst does happen, you’re secure enough to know your worth and to walk away.

This is a bizarre thread. I'm sorry that people get cheated on, I can't guarantee that I won't get cheated on, but I know that I would never cheat. I've had unhappy times in my marriage and I've had interest and opportunity from someone during that time but I chose not to do anything. Didn't flirt, didn't dance with him, made it clear nothing would happen.
I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would never cheat and I would rather hope the same of DH than spend my life wondering if he's shagging someone if he offers to do the Tesco run.