If you think your partner doesn’t have time for an affair, think again

[toooldforthisshite]

They will find a way. Even the most seemingly gentle, respectable guy, you know, the one who everyone says ‘he would never’. They do.
They will invite their side bit to their work during work hours if necessary to avoid having to make excuses as to why they are late home. They will wait for you to fall asleep then start chatting to her. They will delete every message they receive or send.

That is too awful for words.

@Squareclock I think you're missing the point @frozendaisy is trying to make or just being deliberately obtuse because you don't want to believe anyone could disagree with your opinion.
It's scary that people won't or can't believe that not everyone will cheat in their lifetime

This is nuts

Do the people agreeing with OP also think that everyone will steal from you given the temptation of enough cash?

Whilst I agree that never think anyone could not cheat or steal, that's not the same as thinking everyone would

My ex husband didn't have time for an affair. He worked 12 hour shifts, 6am to 6pm, and was home every night at 6.30.

So I thought.
His shifts were actually alternating between 6am to 3pm , or 11am to 6pm.
So hed leave the house to go to work, but actually go to the affair partners house for few shags before work.
Then the alternate week, he finished work at 3pm, went to the affair partners house for a shag or two, and then came home "just in from work " at 6.30 on the dot.
To me , he was hard at work all day proving for his family. I had no idea.
He took annual leave on some days to spend days with his affair partner .
His hobbies, cycling and gym, also covered for the AP.
If they want to have an affair , they will find their time . No one is too busy if they want it

I'm sorry your husband had an affair @toooldforthisshite

I'd like to see DH smuggle a sidepiece into a secure children's psychiatric unit, or court 😁.
Yes those who want to will, but not everyone does.

In an interview with Richard E Grant, couple of years ago, he was asked if he was ever tempted, after acknowledging that ‘Women throw themselves at me all the time ‘ his response was, I tell them I am not available and that’s that. This way, his marriage and integrity is intact and no one is offended.

We hear, don’t we, ‘No man will refuse if it’s offered on a dish’ but I disagree.
Who remembers being warned when young ‘It’s the quiet ones you have to watch’
I would second that.
Also, that we don‘t see what is right under our nose - neighbours, friends, sisters.

It’s also not true that ‘ if they were getting it at home, they wouldn’t be looking outside for it’

Here are a couple of gems from my wise and cynical old Mum -

Men leave a trail a mile wide, so
learn the art of the Bluff ( foolproof)
Men on the defensive read from the same script
It’s easier to generalise about men than women (as we are more complex and
men are more simple, uncomplicated organisms)
Women live in Hope (that he/life/sex will improve)
There isn’t a man born that’s worthy of any woman
Seek and you shall find
No one hides things / winkles them out like a woman
(see first comment)

No one's saying everyone will cheat, butneveryone is capable of it.

So in your stealing analogy, most people won't, most of the time, but anyone would given the right combination of desperation and belief that they won't be caught.

This is just not true. Some people do follow their own moral codes.

Nope

😂

"It turns out, I picked up on it the very day they sent message 1, I'm a witch!"

Sadly this is what they want you to believe. He'll have been shagging about aided by viagara or just claiming he's impotent to you, for some time. Takes a long time for it all to unravel.

I agree that it's bollocks that men don't have time. People find the time if they want to do something. Same with people who don't visit you, or phone you, or return your calls, or text you back. It's not that they don't have time. They can't be arsed.

"I'd like to see DH smuggle a sidepiece into a secure children's psychiatric unit, or court 😁."

That's why affairs are rife in jobs such as his. Just with colleagues who are already on the inside.

Well there is plenty of data on it. Statistics, I have seen, suggest that women cheat more than men when younger and less than men when older. Overall, women cheat a bit less than men. It isn’t everyone, by any means. Research suggests that the vast majority of people think their partners won’t cheat, which is hardly surprising.

What’s happened to you op?

I remember when I found out - over 20 years ago now. My ex was always outspoken in his condemnation of infidelity! And then got in bed with my best friend. It's a horrible shock but it does pass, and your life will be better without him. So sorry you have to go through this.

IME this was sadly true. Not all people can be tarnished with the same brush but I was told quite a lot 'when would I have time for an affair when I'm so busy at work that I go all day without pissing'.

Where there's a will there's a way and those who have it in them to stray, will find a way whatever it takes.

I've never cheated. Would never cheat. Have been given the opportunity, the circumstances and yes the motive too several times over the last 20 years. It's just not in my DNA to cheat. Some people do have a moral compass

@Ceebeegee I'm curious - did his affair start exact same time as his job? If not, did you not notice change in his working hours or was he lying to you about the hours he worked even before affair started?
Also, wasn't there a warning sign that he was getting paid for less hours than he actually worked. I mean, this is not the odd half hour here or there, this is 2 - 3 hours a day. Or did you just think he was on a really shit wage for 12 hours work?

I don't know about anybody else but I do know that I wouldn't ever cheat. Cheating is a choice and not inevitable whatever the circumstances. I'd leave a relationship if I wasn't happy but not cheat. I also choose to trust that whoever I'm with isn't cheating on me. Of course there is a possibility that they may cheat but then I'd leave them. I don't think it's healthy to believe what you are saying. Adults choose what they do.

I definitely know friends who wouldn’t cheat and I’ve been in situations to witness that. One of my friends, when she has a boyfriend, is a saint. No matter how drunk, attractive the man, rough patch with her boyfriend etc. she won’t do it.
I think a lot of people would, given the right circumstances, but definitely a higher proportion of men. Some people just won’t. You can’t say everyone would, but it would likely be 90% or men and 60% of women, something like that in my opinion

@SOMumm yep it’s the quiet ones that are the most unassuming who ‘would never’
let me also say that it’s a myth they are secretive with their phones.
some will leave it unlocked and even let their kids and wife use the phone freely knowing that the other woman won’t contact him until he does so she knows it’s ‘safe’ to do so
whoever up thread said this is depressing. It is, it is also reality. Does he play games or read on his phone later into the evening? Yeah of course he is.

My friends ex was taking the kids to swimming lessons and then going outside while they were in the pool to the car with another mum.

Totally believe if someone can find a way to cheat and be devoid of guilt and not get caught out... they will.

My Mum’s bee-keeper best friend had an affair with a fellow bee-keeper married man while they collected honey together.

Agree.

I hope my dh hasn't cheated and hope he won't in the future obviously but I'd never be so naive as to say he won't do it.