If you think your partner doesn’t have time for an affair, think again

[toooldforthisshite]

They will find a way. Even the most seemingly gentle, respectable guy, you know, the one who everyone says ‘he would never’. They do.
They will invite their side bit to their work during work hours if necessary to avoid having to make excuses as to why they are late home. They will wait for you to fall asleep then start chatting to her. They will delete every message they receive or send.

I wouldn't cheat, even though I've been extremely tempted by two different men over the course of my marriage.
The reason I wouldn't cheat is not so much that I consider myself to have high morals. It's more that I wouldn't want any new relationship sullied by the fact that I had cheated. I would want to end my marriage before even so much as kissing another man. The sort of cheap relationship founded on furtive sexual fumbles behind my partner's back would not satisfy my emotional and intellectual needs.

its not observation bias when everybody , (except you) knows that men cheat more, for one thing, men on average have more opportunities to cheat because women are usually the primary caretakers of children, meaning men have more alone time
there are also more women than men, meaning more opportunities for the men to cheat

I was going to include the stats but there are just so many confirming what I said,
go on google yourself and type, who cheats more men or women ?
It doesn't matter what part of the globe , the stats all say the same thing

its not observation bias when everybody , (except you) knows that men cheat more

Well done, that's pretty much the definition of observation bias. And you still haven't answered the question, if men are cheating more, who are they cheating with?

I have googled, thanks. I posted you information that explained why people have historically thought men more likely to cheat, and why that is inaccurate. If you're unable to take that in, well, that's your problem.

Its not observation bias, when everyone sees the same thing its called r e a l i t y

like i said there are 1000s of social studies on the internet that show men are cheating more than women ,
I can close my eyes and point at a random result and it will still show men cheat more

men cheat with other men and women, which means absolutely nothing because its the man that is in a relationship , the affair partner is usually single
a single woman who sleeps with a married/taken man is not technically cheating

you posted one picture of a chimp, which i didnt take any notice of because i was too busy scrolling through 1000s of statistics and their data shows men are cheating at least 10-15% more than women, all across the globe

A little childish too? Don’t know your bloke but I wouldn’t self punish myself for things I can’t control. Besides his cheating down the line would have nothing to do with you. It helps to untie oneself from Disney wonderland and drama of hand chopping tendencies by just being mature about it all. You could be the prettiest there is and him the most faithful but times change, hormones change.

If being pretty were all it took, Hollywood husbands would be the most faithful in the world! Tiger Woods was married to a Swedish supermodel, ffs.

thanks for nice humane real-world post, though must admit am intrigued by how you know so much about dad's attempt. small village? or mum's take on it.
Your last line accords with my long-held view that you can never assume anything about people and sex.
Thanks again.

can't seem to edit posts.
>>or mum's take on it.
should have ended with a"?".

@Vecape

men cheat with other men and women, which means absolutely nothing because its the man that is in a relationship , the affair partner is usually single a single woman who sleeps with a married/taken man is not technically cheating

Your subtext here appears to be "man bad, woman good" which I'm guessing comes from your own experience. Yes, the stats do indicate that men are more unfaithful than women, but it's not by a huge margin... and besides, single women engaging in affairs with married men is hardly any better morally than cheating in my opinion.

you posted one picture of a chimp, which i didnt take any notice of because i was too busy scrolling through 1000s of statistics and their data shows men are cheating at least 10-15% more than women, all across the globe

That picture was a clickable link. MN now previews links so you know what you're getting yourself into. I'm surprised you can navigate google if you cannot work that out.

Observation bias is looking for things which confirm your world view rather than investigating the topic with some thoroughness and looking for both sides. If you search for stats on 'men cheat more' you'll likely find them. You're less likely to find critiques and breakdowns of those stats. As I pointed out to you, men are more likely to admit to affairs. That's not the same thing as having the affairs.

'Everyone knowing something' is A. bollocks, you haven't asked everyone and B. again to do with what people think they know or admit to, not what they're actually getting up to.

Here's some information on paternity fraud @Vecape https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud That's a link you can click, not just a picture, in case you were confused.

One NHS CEO put the figure as high as 1 in 10. Studies tend to put it lower, but still significantly high. If women lie about who the father is, that does rather suggest infidelity, does it not? If you'd bothered to read the other link I posted, you'd have found out more about why.

Some of the women with these "extra" cheating men are going to be unaware that the man is married. I dated a guy for a while that I now believe was married all along. I broke it off when it got too suspicious, but he'd had his affair.

Let's take a recent study with a meta-analysis, i.e. summing up a whole load of other studies:
A meta-analysis of 50 studies found that 34 percent of men and 24 percent of women have engaged in extramarital sexual activities. Infidelity in dating relationships is even higher. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150107151100.htm

This is actually very poorly worded - I'm a copyeditor and would have flagged it up 😁It's very unlikely that any of the studies found that this proportion of people had cheated. All of the studies I've ever seen on this phenomenon show the proportion of people who admit to having cheated. And in most societies there's a tendency for men to be cheered on for sleeping with lots of women, whereas women who sleep around get a bad reputation. I'd imagine women are less inclined to report infidelity.

But I agree that men are probably more likely to cheat overall. They are more likely to be financially independent, and less likely to be left a full-time single parent if they cheat. On average, women have more to lose from cheating.

thanks for nice humane real-world post, though must admit am intrigued by how you know so much about dad's attempt. small village? or mum's take on it.

Well, let's just say that if you're going to try to cheat, you either have to venture a bit further from home, or be really sure she'll say yes. Both my mum and I knew the woman he propositioned. Neither of us had any reason to doubt her.

Its not Noah's ark. Cheats don't march into infidelity two by two, matched strictly with one other married person. Men can cheat with single women. More than one man can cheat with the same women.

@Vecape

you posted one picture of a chimp, which i didnt take any notice of because i was too busy scrolling through 1000s of statistics and their data shows men are cheating at least 10-15% more than women, all across the globe

So let's say men are cheating 10-15% more than women... It basically means that for every 10 men that cheat, 9 women do...

You seem to have disproved your own view that it is clearly obvious from everyday experience that men cheat far more than women.

@5128gap

Its not Noah's ark. Cheats don't march into infidelity two by two, matched strictly with one other married person. Men can cheat with single women. More than one man can cheat with the same women.

I agree, hence my point about the theory that men cheating massively more than women requires a small number of women to be highly promiscuous.

From what I can discern from the studies, it's does seem that men cheat more than women, or at least admit to it, but not by a particularly huge margin.

Also, generalising for a moment, I expect the typical woman is better at "covering her tracks" than a typical man. That's not to say women cheat more than they are reported to, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if women were better at keep things secret. However, that's obviously an unprovable hypothesis.

This is why cheating isn't about the material (Looks). It's a choice. Tiger Woods for example may well have been exposed to more opportunity. However, he still made a choice to step over the line with women who are significantly less objectively attractive than his ex-wife.
It's a combination of personality (Moralilty) and society is now sexualized to a greater degree than ever before.
I know the ex-girlfriend was not sorry for cheating on her ex, in fact, she said he deserved it. When I asked her why she cheated on me, she retorted, 'Can I not have something for myself'?
Her fling partner is not as objectively attractive as me. During our time together I refused at least 5-6 flings including one with the love of my life.
It is possible to resist.

@guineacup

Your subtext here appears to be "man bad, woman good" which I'm guessing comes from your own experience. Yes, the stats do indicate that men are more unfaithful than women, but it's not by a huge margin... and besides, single women engaging in affairs with married men is hardly any better morally than cheating in my opinion.

You really think a single woman cheating with a married man is the same morally as someone risking their partners sexual health breaking wedding vows and risking breaking up the family unit? Way for men to not take accountability

I think you're correct that men may be more inclined to admit to it. Boast about it even, as the stigma is always far greater for women with anything sexually related. But you can't remove single women from the equation either. Many married men persue single women, often without the woman being aware they are married until after the event.

Ask any woman who had a social group of couple friends, then got divorced, how many of the other husbands made a pass, or made suggestions about no strings sex to them.
I can guarantee a few of them did.

that was clearly a joke. How’s that childish??!!
I also hate anything to do with disney.

@5128gap

I think you're correct that men may be more inclined to admit to it. Boast about it even, as the stigma is always far greater for women with anything sexually related. But you can't remove single women from the equation either. Many married men persue single women, often without the woman being aware they are married until after the event.

Yes, and that probably accounts for why more men cheat than women... but a woman who wants to cheat will also pursue single men...

I've had many friends and many social groups... Other husbands letching on women isn't common at all in my social circles, it just isn't.... Any husband that did would soon find themselves ejected from that social circle. I find it bizarre that it's tolerated, and that friendships continue despite it!

Ask the divorced women. They might tell you a different story. You wouldn't even be aware of it because its suggestions and offers, but they definitely test the water to see if your open to the idea.

thanks for reply.

(wonders - is there a way of selectively quoting to save space? - couldn't find. Or a like button to also save space/clogging thread)