If you think your partner doesn’t have time for an affair, think again

[toooldforthisshite]

They will find a way. Even the most seemingly gentle, respectable guy, you know, the one who everyone says ‘he would never’. They do.
They will invite their side bit to their work during work hours if necessary to avoid having to make excuses as to why they are late home. They will wait for you to fall asleep then start chatting to her. They will delete every message they receive or send.

I also think that if you can know for definite, that you really don't
100% know what your partner would or wouldn't do, it can actually save
you from some of the pain and harm of the dawning realisation that you
didn't know them at all if/when it does happen...

I'm afraid being a realist of people's behaviour doesn't make people immune to the pain.

Regardless of whether your 100% sure your husband would not cheat or believe there is a chance that he could, is pointless ruminating.

It either happens or it doesn't.
Whether you find out about it is another matter.

jeez you sound sad! she knows her husband better than anyone else.
in my 10 year + with my partner, i have not cheated and i know he has not.

Nah, @SapphireStar77 is being reasonable actually. You don’t know yr hubby, the private corners of his depraved mind not do you know how roving his eye really is, ever. None of us do.

Depraved mind?? Haha. Dont believe that I am afraid. But then some have great and trustworthy relationships with their partners.

Thank you! This is my point exactly - that nobody can ever know another persons every thought and actions. My DH doesn’t know that I had cake and coffee after the weekly shop today, he doesn’t know I bought new pyjamas, he doesn’t know that I thought the guy on the checkout was cute, he doesn’t know I got wolf whistled on the way to the school run - these are not things that I am keeping from him for any particular reason, they are just insignificant things that happened during my day today - and I’m sure he had similar insignificant things that happened to him today too but I probably won’t ever know about them - not because we aren’t close or we don’t talk but just because it is impossible to know another persons every thought and actions!

How do you both know? Lie detector tests???! You don’t know - and I’m not being nasty or sad (!) by saying this but - you.just.don’t.know!

We know that we trust each other. I think it’s
enough for us. I may get that you don’t understand that and actually i should not have said you sounded sad as i dont know what happened to you in the past so sorry about that but we just know. I know he is not interested in anyone but me and same for me.

He is not the pervy guy with wondering eyes, he is so respectful of me and my feelings and vice versa. I am honestly not saying this to be “showing off”
i am only saying that in some relationships you may have such bond and trust that you just know.

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten
you can’t know for certain, sorry.
Look at the hundreds of posts on here that start with ‘I just never expected it from him, he’s so caring, hates cheats etc ‘
I’ve seen the loveliest guys cheat, the one showing me his wife and kids two hours earlier, snogging someone else at a wedding. Guys who said they hated cheating and then I hear they cheated.
You can only know your own inner thoughts and feelings, the rest is hope.
And I’m not bitter or scorned etc I’m just realistic. I really hope my dh doesn’t cheat but can I say 100% it’s impossible, of course not

@Haveallthesongsbeenwritten but everyone who has ever been cheated on was sat where you are saying that too. It's not good to think you can't trust your other half but it's also not good ti assume you know everything that goes through their mind and that you just KNOW it wouldn't happen

i think it’s ok to assume but thats my view.
I’ll accept to cut both my hands off if he has ever cheating on me or snogged anyone behind my back. That’s how confident i am.

I was here so many were at .
Running around raiding our kids . Working full time . Running the home .
All in the name of supporting his career development for the family .
And then to watch his face one night , when I said that our eldest would be staying at home during summer holidays for her sport and training while I bring the others to our summer home ...
he asked where she would stay ?
In he home with you at night I said
His face .
That sinking feeling.
My god but he adored me ... or so I thought .
I was so busy bringing in the money , raising our kids, running our home and rebuking his coercive demands for sex when I was utterly exhausted , he went else where .
Everything I did , I did for the family .
I have since found out that in my position. , they 100% will if they're not getting their specific needs met .... Fri the many many women and men I talk to and know .
Be that once per week or ten times per week . They will get it elsewhere mark my words .

Exactly! Even the loveliest men and women cheat and some people don’t go looking for it, some people try and avoid it but if there is a connection with another person it may just happen. And I’m the same - I’m not bitter or scorned just being realistic

I completely agree

Please don’t cut your hands off

I think we wont all agree anyway. Agree to disagree? No bad feeling here. Maybe some of us had bad experiences with men/women and thats that.

🤣 wont promise. I need my hands to hold a glass of wine

Absolutely! See that’s the thing with Mumsnet it is a forum of mixed views but some people refuse to see other peoples side of the debate. FWIW everyone in my family are in very loving relationships and adore their partners - I’m not against monogamy at all and I am in a loving marriage myself but I have also seen many, many affairs with associates and colleagues so my point is you can never 100% know what another person thinks. No hard feelings

Maybe some of us had bad experiences with men/women and thats that.

It doesn't necessarily have to be about your own first hand experience. I'm of the opinion that some people won't cheat, no matter the circumstances or amount of temptation. Partly I think that because I know that affairs do not 'just happen'. That's a piss poor excuse and a way to negate personal responsibility. It's always a choice. There's always a decision to act.

I highly doubt that my DP would ever cheat. He has no form for it. He's honest, decent and very genuine. But I don't know for sure if he's one of the people who would never, ever cheat. I can't foretell the future. And as much as I love and trust him, how much can you ever really, fully know anyone? I find it healthier just to think that whilst it's very unlikely, it's not impossible. I'm not going to worry about it, the same way I'm not going to worry about an asteroid strike.

So many people are convinced that their partner or spouse isn't the cheating type, right up until they find out that they have in fact cheated. It just seems naïve, and a little arrogant, to think I'm immune from that experience, however much I trust my partner.

Sounds good to me!

Oh i am not like that! I feel strongly on that topic but i am not unreasonable. Of course it happened. My views was that some couples would not feel that way. That’s all! All up for discussion

Lol me too! I must say that is very refreshing as some people are just so unreasonable!

everything you just wrote is nonsense,
it is statistically proven that men cheat more then women and if you just go by real life experience, your neighbours, friends and family
it is glaringly obvious that men cheat more than women do , they even leave bread crumb trails in the form of illegitimate children

@vecape

everything you just wrote is nonsense ,it is statistically proven that men cheat more then women and if you just go by real life experience, your neighbours, friends and family it is glaringly obvious that men cheat more than women do , they even leave bread crumb trails in the form of illegitimate children

So who are they cheating with? To use the old saying, it takes two to tango! The maths doesn't make sense.... unless a few women are incredibly promiscuous...

As for "illegitimate children" (a horrible term but anyway), the number of people who are mistaken as to their biological father is is shocking!

Then link to the stats, @Vecape I've posted a link to the scientific literature. I suggest you do the same instead of relying on prejudice and observation bias.

absolutely and also Read all the other posts. Mostly women/men seeking reassurance about their relationship. Thats what this forum is about. No one ever posted about their relationship being the greatest. Everyone has problems but this thread bothered me “you partner is not having an affair thing again”. It is going to put people against each other.