Shall I put up a Facebook post celebrating an anniversary with DP, just to annoy his ex wife?

[Oopsiedaisyy]

Ok, it's a little petty, but she has made a number of comments over the last year (to me directly when we have met, and to him) that have rubbed me up the wrong way. The last was asking him why he is in a relationship at all with me, after all he left his relationship with her so surely he must just want to be single or having something just casual? Also made comments about us spending time with our kids together. He is doing well at establishing boundaries with her, no problems on that front.

And no, I wasn't the OW, and they have been separated for 4 years now.

So, any ideas of something not over the top, but something to just say how pleased I am to have found him - we do have a great relationship and lots of shared interests - things he's rediscovered since being with me.

Clearly she was hurting over the breakdown of her marriage. Why would you want to further upset somebody?

If she didn’t care and you would still put up a post then I don’t see the issue, it is petty to do it to solely piss her off but it’s your right to wish your partner a happy anniversary, I always pop something up on my Facebook when it’s mine and dhs anniversary

You don't sound like a very nice person. And a little insecure.
If you were truly happy you wouldn't even consider it.
I'm even thinking this might be a reverse and you're the ex, and the new partner has done this..

If you're childish and/or petty, do it. Otherwise, no.

My sister does this and i find it so cringe! She posts every aspect of her life on FB and he DH comments underneath as if they arent in the same house at the same time! Just why?!

You must have got a guilty concience.

Narcs with guilt do this kind of shit.

Not pleasant, not kind and cruel.

Remember pride comes before a fall.

You've completely changed your tune. First it was "I'm going to make a post just to annoy his ex" and now you're all faux naïve "so it's cringey to make an anniversary post if your partner happens to have an ex?"

If you make a post with the aim of getting under his ex's (mother of his children's) skin, as per your thread title, then yes it will be very obvious. It always is. Like a dog marking its territory by peeing on stuff. To be fair I always think it's cringey when people make these gushing declarations on social media to someone they live with. It's an odd concept to me that a person would need the validation of all their friends believing that their relationship is happy.

I'm not sure the context of her conversation with him about why he left her and what he wants out of a relationship now, but I certainly don't think she was out of line for expressing an opinion on his decision to involve her children with his new girlfriend. That's just a concerned mum.

You are clearly experiencing some discomfort and insecurity relating to your relationship with him and/or his relationship with his ex, otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to send her a message disguised as an "anniversary post". Those feelings are not going to go away because you try and piss her off on social media. She'll probably find it hilarious

Why are you giving her this power over you?

She's in your head and you're looking for ways to show her you're what? The winner? Better than her? Have what she doesn't?

Indifference is far better for you. When she means so little to you that you don't even think of her.

Attention, protesting too much, something to prove.
Definitely screams the opposite of what they're trying to portray.

No

That's pretty pathetic.
Why not just accept that sometimes after relationships break down that there can be some residual hurt left over for years after?
Especially if there are kids involved and you have to see the ex, and have to see your kids with a new adult in their life.

It happens and it's human. Doesn't sound like she's done or said anything that bad at all, and nothing that is offensive to you.

He should be posting if anyone....but why, just why bother?

No response is a response .. don’t rise to her level no matter how difficult it is . I would just ignore . More you respond the more she will do it , will get bored eventually

Do it anyway.

You don't have to be embarrassed, it's everybody else who is cringing, only slightly, because nobody cares that much. But to be clear, posting on social media about an anniversary, with or without the ex.

She doesn't sound that bad. Probably just upset her marriage ended.

She asked him this in front of you?

I do think it's very attention seeking when people who are in the same house, write posts on Facebook instead of just saying what they want to say, directly. It isn't fooling anyone - we all know it's for our benefit and it's undignified.

That you care about her opinion smacks of insecurity. If you think she has too much insight into your lives, this is a conversation you have to have with your dp, about her being on his sm.

@YaWeeFurryBastard

If you want to do it then do it but it’s a bit odd you’re doing it with the intention to piss her off?

I’m not sure what there is to be smug about to be honest, he married her, he hasn’t married you!

That's a bit nasty.

I agree with @whichwayisup I find the gushing over one another all over facebook, quite nauseating and repugnant. And 9 times out of 10, it does signify some kind of issue in the relationship. Even if they don't go on to split, or divorce, you can guarantee that there is something wrong. OR one of the people in the couple is very likely insecure about another person after their partner.

A couple of years ago, one of the women in my (male) cousin's office was very friendly and jovial with him, and called herself his 'work wife' vom 🙄and kept posting overly-friendly messages on his facebook page, and kisses, and love-heart signs. After a few weeks, his wife suddenly started to post photos of him and her together, with #loveofmylife #myeverything, and 'no-one could ever replace you my darling...' and '15 years together this week. LOVE YOU MORE than ever my sweetheart!'

10 years on facebook and she had never posted ANYthing like that. It was a message to that woman. I am pissed off with my cousin for not telling this annoying woman to pack it in, but that's another story. Typical man, loved the attention.

I also find it cringeworthy when people hold hands and kiss in public, like why? What on earth are you trying to prove? Been with DH more than 35 years, and have not kissed/snogged in public since we were teenagers, and certainly don't walk around holding hands. It's so uncomfortable, and restrictive, and makes your hands sweaty. I hate it, and find it odd and puzzling when people walk around in public holding hands. JMHO of course, but I think it's a bit odd.

I completely get where you are coming from. My dh's ex has called me some unbelievable names and they had been split up for 8 years and I was not the Ow. I just ignore her and just get on with it she isn't worth my energy. He blocked her on Facebook and no longer responds to her but his kids are adults now.

My friends post up anniversaries/celebrations all the time. I love seeing them happy and like checking out the venues they go to.

OP, post whatever you want. And block the ex so she can’t see your posts. She’s weird for going upset her ex has moved on, when she moved on herself.

Lots have said it and I would agree, don't do it. You're in the happy zone with him right now but I imagine his ex felt the same way you did in the early years of their relationship.
You never know how things are going to turn out so just enjoy what you have and don't post things to deliberately hurt someone else.
In a world where you can be anything be kind.

I used to post the odd anniversary post on FB but haven't for many years. They do come up on 'memories' though and they are horrible cringy.

Have class and dignity and don't lower yourself to their level.