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Original poster

Shall I put up a Facebook post celebrating an anniversary with DP, just to annoy his ex wife?

188 replies

Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 11:56

Ok, it's a little petty, but she has made a number of comments over the last year (to me directly when we have met, and to him) that have rubbed me up the wrong way. The last was asking him why he is in a relationship at all with me, after all he left his relationship with her so surely he must just want to be single or having something just casual? Also made comments about us spending time with our kids together. He is doing well at establishing boundaries with her, no problems on that front.

And no, I wasn't the OW, and they have been separated for 4 years now.

So, any ideas of something not over the top, but something to just say how pleased I am to have found him - we do have a great relationship and lots of shared interests - things he's rediscovered since being with me.

OP posts:
shysquirrel · 10/05/2023 12:16

Are his kids with the ex you're talking about? If they are then you definitely need to grow up, there's other peoples feeling involved.

Yogagrandmum · 10/05/2023 12:17

Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 11:56

Ok, it's a little petty, but she has made a number of comments over the last year (to me directly when we have met, and to him) that have rubbed me up the wrong way. The last was asking him why he is in a relationship at all with me, after all he left his relationship with her so surely he must just want to be single or having something just casual? Also made comments about us spending time with our kids together. He is doing well at establishing boundaries with her, no problems on that front.

And no, I wasn't the OW, and they have been separated for 4 years now.

So, any ideas of something not over the top, but something to just say how pleased I am to have found him - we do have a great relationship and lots of shared interests - things he's rediscovered since being with me.

Why are you on Facebook with your partners ex…??

Original poster
Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 12:17

burnoutbabe · 10/05/2023 12:14

me and my partner post every year on our anniversary of meeting - usually as we go out to celebrate with drinks and mention it in that.
i generally like seeing anniversary date night posts. i like them just as much as any post about a new baby/dog/ a level results/ new job - its just nice to see some happy news from friends/old work colleagues.

Yeah, I think it's nice when I see my friends do it. And when my ex does it with his new DP I think it's nice too. No issues, no jealousy.

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 10/05/2023 12:17

You don't want to put up anything inflammatory. No 'things he's rediscovered' or 'taught me what love is', 'finally found true love'. Why? Because from the sound of it both of you have kids with other people.

You may be intending to piss of his ex, but what about if the kids see these posts? And think their parent never actually loved their other parent? That they do rightfully see this as a dig at the other parent? They feel their existance is based on a lie? All you'll do is alienate both sets of kids. Don't be petty, act like an adult.

BungleandGeorge · 10/05/2023 12:18

Blabla81 · 10/05/2023 12:15

Slightly off topic, but I never really get anniversaries, unless you’re married. What counts as the date? Weird.

I agree.
are you married? How long have you been together?

if the pictures of their kids are being tagged on your fb many wouldn’t be wild about that.

PaintedEgg · 10/05/2023 12:18

CovertImage · 10/05/2023 12:12

Only for a certain type of sad sack person

Show quote history

I wouldn't be so serious about

this person has made some nasty comments and while we are taught to always be a bigger person, it wont hurt to poke back sometimes

Watersun · 10/05/2023 12:18

You want to hurt her?

No I won't help you. Grow up.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 10/05/2023 12:19

If you want to do it then do it but it’s a bit odd you’re doing it with the intention to piss her off?

I’m not sure what there is to be smug about to be honest, he married her, he hasn’t married you!

shysquirrel · 10/05/2023 12:19

Doubt it's going to hurt her anyway, they've been apart for FOUR YEARS!

Original poster
Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 12:20

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 10/05/2023 12:17

You don't want to put up anything inflammatory. No 'things he's rediscovered' or 'taught me what love is', 'finally found true love'. Why? Because from the sound of it both of you have kids with other people.

You may be intending to piss of his ex, but what about if the kids see these posts? And think their parent never actually loved their other parent? That they do rightfully see this as a dig at the other parent? They feel their existance is based on a lie? All you'll do is alienate both sets of kids. Don't be petty, act like an adult.

Oh god, don't get me wrong, I wasn't going to do anything like that - nothing like "you have finally met your soul mate" or anything like that.

I think actually it's a bit telling from the way she has been that even mentioning our relationship explicitly on social media feels like I'm having a dig at her, when in fact that shouldn't be the case at all should it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 12:21

BungleandGeorge · 10/05/2023 12:18

I agree.
are you married? How long have you been together?

if the pictures of their kids are being tagged on your fb many wouldn’t be wild about that.

Show quote history

Not married, not intending to as I am quite happy with my set up currently.

And no, I don't tend to share my own kids on social media, and certainly not his.

OP posts:
user7637292 · 10/05/2023 12:22

Cringe. Who uses Facebook these days?!

baileys6904 · 10/05/2023 12:23

I'm another one in the camp of ' people that have full lives don't tend to post all about it on facebook'. My ex's new partner used to do it all the time and they were miserable as sin and he was still trying to shag me...

The fact there's children involved is a double reason not too. How would they feel if they could see it. Also why risk alienating a relationship for a cheap kick?

ShamefulNameChange1 · 10/05/2023 12:23

Some people never get over break ups. They truly do break them. You may consider this woman to be a bitch but if, 4 years later, she’s still asking her ex why he wants relationships rather than just flings she’s clearly not over it. I don’t enjoy casual cruelty. If you want to post something celebrating your relationship then do so but don’t do it simply because you enjoy the thought of it upsetting someone. Change the FB settings when you post it so DHs friends are unable to see it if need be.

Original poster
Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 12:23

user7637292 · 10/05/2023 12:22

Cringe. Who uses Facebook these days?!

Hey, I'm old! I could do a tik tok though ...

OP posts:
shysquirrel · 10/05/2023 12:24

You don't sound old

darjeelingrose · 10/05/2023 12:25

Very immature. And you can't even be that young if you are using facebook.

MissingMoominMamma · 10/05/2023 12:25

user7637292 · 10/05/2023 12:22

Cringe. Who uses Facebook these days?!

🙋‍♀️

Softoprider · 10/05/2023 12:26

OP Why not just grow the fuck up

aSofaNearYou · 10/05/2023 12:27

If you would post anyway if it weren't for her, just post whatever you would naturally post.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 10/05/2023 12:27

I have second hand embarrassment from your post 😳

Why would you even be bothered what she thinks if you are so ecstatically happy.

Reeks of insecurity, despite how wonderful you say your relationship is.

Original poster
Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 12:28

aSofaNearYou · 10/05/2023 12:27

If you would post anyway if it weren't for her, just post whatever you would naturally post.

I think that's what I will do. If she wasn't in the picture, I think I would post anyway.

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 10/05/2023 12:28

Oopsiedaisyy · 10/05/2023 12:20

Oh god, don't get me wrong, I wasn't going to do anything like that - nothing like "you have finally met your soul mate" or anything like that.

I think actually it's a bit telling from the way she has been that even mentioning our relationship explicitly on social media feels like I'm having a dig at her, when in fact that shouldn't be the case at all should it?

Show quote history

From your OP "something to just say how pleased I am to have found him - we do have a great relationship and lots of shared interests - things he's rediscovered since being with me." That end bit of rediscovery is inflammatory.

By all means if you want to put something up about how its a year since your first date and how much fun you've had this year and can't wait for the next, knock yourself out. But quite simply don't put anything that can be construed as a dig at either ex.

Honeyroar · 10/05/2023 12:28

God there are some nauseatingly smug people on here today!
”anyone satisfied with their life doesn’t post on Facebook”
”anniversaries don’t count if you’re not married”
”who even uses Facebook nowadays”
Yet here you are making nasty little digs at someone on an internet site. Why are you even on here if your lives are so fulfilling and perfect??

Plenty of happy, normal people are on Facebook. Plenty of people see the years before they got married as something that counts. Some people don’t even bother getting married nowadays, of course they’ll celebrate anniversaries- the word anniversary relates to anything that happens annually, not just a wedding. Why do people feel the need to knock others?? I don’t understand.

Merrymagpies · 10/05/2023 12:29

Spiteful and cruel motivation. Shame on you