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Original poster

Has he cheated?

331 replies

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 17:31

But of background. Me and my partner have been together since 2016, he’s 50 I’m 35. We don’t live together (his choice, he had a difficult marriage before he met me) but we have a fairly nice life. I would do anything for him, treat him well, and “love him like he has never known before” - his words.

The past few months he has been under a lot of pressure at work, drinking more, generally being distant. Whenever he goes to the pub, he basically disappears doesn’t answer my calls and messages. I have also noticed a pattern of him removing my picture from his lock screen during these times - never thought much of it.

Over the past couple of weeks I noticed him calling me a different “pet name” one he has never used before and quickly correcting it, almost a slip of the tongue - again, never bothered me.

I took him away for the weekend last weekend and he was really distant, barely gave me any attention. Spent most of the time on his phone.

Fast forward to this weekend. He was out drinking Friday nite, we had planned to spend the day together Saturday before he goes on a business trip today. I never heard from him the full nite Friday. I arrived at his Saturday and his bedsheets were in the wash, when I took them out for him to hang them up they were covered in blood - obviously hadn’t come out in the wash. I asked if he was ok, he said he has a cut on his back - I looked there was nothing. We were in his room getting ready to go out for the day and I found a discarded pair of women’s underwear also covered in blood. Clearly period blood…. I asked him what was going on.

He grabbed them and quickly rushed off with them. I asked again what was going on. He said they must have been his adult daughters who visited the nite prior. I told him there was no way she would take off her pants with period blood and put them in his room. He then said his adult son must have had a girl back wen we were away the prior weekend and not told him.

I was absolutely stunned to silence… I couldn’t speak. He then asked if we were getting ready to head out. I got in his car and sat in silence for what seemed like an age. He asked if I thought the underwear “belonged to him”. I said obviously not unless he started his period as a male at the age of 50.

We carried on with our day, went to visit his mum, and buy new bedsheets. I was numb the full day feeling totally worthless. I still am. Before we fell asleep last nite he “thanked me for my patience”. This morning I woke and helped him pack for his business trip. Organised his car to take him to the airport. Cleaned his house so it would be nice for his return.

When I returned home he sent me a txt thanking me for all I do for him and telling me he loved me. I replied asking him outright if he was seeing someone else and telling him it would break my heart. And he replied telling me not to be “a silly baby”. I just don’t know wot to think. Has he cheated on me?? Is there any other explanation for this?

please be kind. I’m confused. Apologies for the length of this.

OP posts:
Napoleonsjosephine · 07/05/2023 18:49

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:44

@Susieb2023 I think I know in my heart and my gut he has cheated. If this is the case then I have to leave him. If I accept this then what’s next?

Do you understand why you’re behaving as you are? Taking such bad behaviour from him, so bad your friends have to go, and you’re running around like an employee or his parent, why are you so desperate to be with him?

Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:50

@Napoleonsjosephine he’s all I’ve known for so long. I think it’s the fear of not having him, not knowing wot comes next. Not knowing how to be on my own

OP posts:
Cc1998 · 07/05/2023 18:51

Napoleonsjosephine · 07/05/2023 18:49

Do you understand why you’re behaving as you are? Taking such bad behaviour from him, so bad your friends have to go, and you’re running around like an employee or his parent, why are you so desperate to be with him?

Show quote history

I'm not sure why you're being rude to OP. From the posts, she clearly understands what's happened and is just coming to terms with it, hence why she posted today. No need to make a further dig!

whynotwhatknot · 07/05/2023 18:52

but you'll atleast be able to have friends and not be cheated on

you dont even live together it wont be much different

Cc1998 · 07/05/2023 18:52

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:50

@Napoleonsjosephine he’s all I’ve known for so long. I think it’s the fear of not having him, not knowing wot comes next. Not knowing how to be on my own

Starting afresh is scary, but what's scarier must be spending your life with someone who doesn't respect you and it only gets worse and worse after the first time you find out they've cheated. He doesn't sound like he treats you well. Use this as your positive sign to make a fresh start and go xx

Napoleonsjosephine · 07/05/2023 18:52

Cc1998 · 07/05/2023 18:51

I'm not sure why you're being rude to OP. From the posts, she clearly understands what's happened and is just coming to terms with it, hence why she posted today. No need to make a further dig!

Show quote history

It’s not rude, give over. If she wants tea and sympathy she can private message you

Jellifulfruit · 07/05/2023 18:53

I think you need to do yourself a favour - stand strong, head high and leave this man. While you’re still young.

Napoleonsjosephine · 07/05/2023 18:54

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:50

@Napoleonsjosephine he’s all I’ve known for so long. I think it’s the fear of not having him, not knowing wot comes next. Not knowing how to be on my own

You were 28 though op when you met him. So you managed before and Dan easily do so again, you don’t even live together,

Toebrushtoe · 07/05/2023 18:54

What is he telling the dirty mare he shagged? That he's divorced and lives in his own? Or does she know you consider yourself his partner, and they laugh themselves sick about how he treats you whilst lying in the bed you shared with him.
Please, please finish it, you deserve better.

Motnight · 07/05/2023 18:55

Toebrushtoe · 07/05/2023 18:54

What is he telling the dirty mare he shagged? That he's divorced and lives in his own? Or does she know you consider yourself his partner, and they laugh themselves sick about how he treats you whilst lying in the bed you shared with him.
Please, please finish it, you deserve better.

'dirty mare'?!

Napoleonsjosephine · 07/05/2023 18:56

Toebrushtoe · 07/05/2023 18:54

What is he telling the dirty mare he shagged? That he's divorced and lives in his own? Or does she know you consider yourself his partner, and they laugh themselves sick about how he treats you whilst lying in the bed you shared with him.
Please, please finish it, you deserve better.

I doubt she knows about the op. He’s been distant and on his phone for months. So he’s keeping them both going.

Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:58

@Cc1998 yeah I agree it is scary. Everything is rushing thru my mind now. Is it really the first time or just the first time I have found evidence? I desperately don’t want to be one of those women who tolerate this behaviour. If I stand by him now it will give him a pass to continue doing it. I feel physically sick. I had sex with him yesterday morning before I seen any of this

OP posts:
Smallyellowbird · 07/05/2023 18:58

If you don't know what to do next, here's a suggestion.

I think you know you have to end it - you don't live with him so the logistics are straightforward- take all of your things from his home, and remove anything he has at yours. Message him to let him know it's over, tell him not to contact you then block him on everything. If he harasses tell him you will contact the police, and do it- a warning from them and he'll more than likely back off.

Let your friends know it's over and that you need their support - some of them will be relieved for you and they will help. You will be sad but you'll get through this, and you'll be much happier without this shit of a man in your life.

And post on here, lots of people who will support you.

ladydimitrescu · 07/05/2023 19:01

Yes, he's cheated. You have a week whilst he's away, get your stuff from his and dump anything of his back there. Post his key back. Message him saying you're done, block him.

MrsCarson · 07/05/2023 19:05

Of course he's cheating on you. Go to his house, collect anything of yours you have there, block him.
Call your old friends who didn't like him and let them you know they were right about him now. I'll bet they will be there for you.

randomuser2019 · 07/05/2023 19:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/05/2023 19:06

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:33

@whynotwhatknot he claimed not to have seen the blood until I was hanging the sheet up from the washing machine to dry. He said it must have came from his own back but there were no signs of marks or blood

Op.

He didn't decide to randomly wash his sheets without seeing blood on them. He washed them because they had blood on them.

They didn't have blood on them from his back because there's no marks. They're blood from a woman. Owner of the pants.

His daughter didn't take off her pants and roll around her Dad's bed. She didn't take off her pants and leave them on the floor and ngo home pantless.

A woman was in his bed, obviously slept there, took off her pants, put clean ones on so intended to stay, and left her dirty ones behind. Intentionally or not.

He already treats you like dirt.
Now he's gaslighting you over what you KNOW is true. Calling you a baby. Making you apologise.

You know he cheated.

Now you need to drag your dignity with you, remove anything from his whilst he's away, and block him.

Then please call your old friends and tell them you've seen the light.

Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 19:09

@randomuser2019 he claims his marriage broke down as she cheated on him.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 07/05/2023 19:10

OP you will be fine. It will be far, far worse for you to stay with someone who a) sticks his dick in other women, b) lies to you, c) treats you like crap, d) has no desire to ever commit to you.

Get out now before you waste any more precious life on this disgusting man.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 07/05/2023 19:11

I bet your friends will be relieved if you tell them you're finishing with him. Reach out to them and let them support you. I know you're sad but you need to get angry. How dare he treat you like this. You've got this week to clear everything out and I'm sure you'll feel proud of yourself when it's over. Good luck!

Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 19:12

@SleepingStandingUp he made a big song and dance on the phone before I even arrived at his about “not knowing wot came over him, he’s up and doing washing at 6am” clearly was to try hide evidence of the cheating. Unfortunately the woman decided to leave her period soaked pants behind as a treat for him, or for me to find

OP posts:
reliefeo · 07/05/2023 19:12

OP I’m sorry but I think he is cheating. Also leaving knickers stained with blood on the bedroom floor is not the action of someone new. That woman felt comfortable enough to do that which would lead me to believe that she is a regular visitor there.

im so so sorry for you - but fk him! Leave - he’s cheating and is so spineless that he can’t even admit it

Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 19:15

@reliefeo this had made me feel sick like it wasn’t a one off occasion. As a woman u know when u leave someone’s house without pants on?! Omg I can’t believe this

OP posts:
Mycathatesmecuddling · 07/05/2023 19:15

Toebrushtoe · 07/05/2023 18:54

What is he telling the dirty mare he shagged? That he's divorced and lives in his own? Or does she know you consider yourself his partner, and they laugh themselves sick about how he treats you whilst lying in the bed you shared with him.
Please, please finish it, you deserve better.

Oh come on, its far more likely that hes using the 'cant live together because of a bad marriage' line on multiple women than there is a 'dirty mare laughing herself sick at how he treats you'

Its impressive and depressing how often a thread about a crappy man will end up with someone trying to pin blame on a woman instead

Scalessayeek · 07/05/2023 19:16

I think it’s obvious he’s cheating, with a woman who knows. Why would he instantly jump to denial about them not being his? Very strange.

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