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Original poster

Has he cheated?

331 replies

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 17:31

But of background. Me and my partner have been together since 2016, he’s 50 I’m 35. We don’t live together (his choice, he had a difficult marriage before he met me) but we have a fairly nice life. I would do anything for him, treat him well, and “love him like he has never known before” - his words.

The past few months he has been under a lot of pressure at work, drinking more, generally being distant. Whenever he goes to the pub, he basically disappears doesn’t answer my calls and messages. I have also noticed a pattern of him removing my picture from his lock screen during these times - never thought much of it.

Over the past couple of weeks I noticed him calling me a different “pet name” one he has never used before and quickly correcting it, almost a slip of the tongue - again, never bothered me.

I took him away for the weekend last weekend and he was really distant, barely gave me any attention. Spent most of the time on his phone.

Fast forward to this weekend. He was out drinking Friday nite, we had planned to spend the day together Saturday before he goes on a business trip today. I never heard from him the full nite Friday. I arrived at his Saturday and his bedsheets were in the wash, when I took them out for him to hang them up they were covered in blood - obviously hadn’t come out in the wash. I asked if he was ok, he said he has a cut on his back - I looked there was nothing. We were in his room getting ready to go out for the day and I found a discarded pair of women’s underwear also covered in blood. Clearly period blood…. I asked him what was going on.

He grabbed them and quickly rushed off with them. I asked again what was going on. He said they must have been his adult daughters who visited the nite prior. I told him there was no way she would take off her pants with period blood and put them in his room. He then said his adult son must have had a girl back wen we were away the prior weekend and not told him.

I was absolutely stunned to silence… I couldn’t speak. He then asked if we were getting ready to head out. I got in his car and sat in silence for what seemed like an age. He asked if I thought the underwear “belonged to him”. I said obviously not unless he started his period as a male at the age of 50.

We carried on with our day, went to visit his mum, and buy new bedsheets. I was numb the full day feeling totally worthless. I still am. Before we fell asleep last nite he “thanked me for my patience”. This morning I woke and helped him pack for his business trip. Organised his car to take him to the airport. Cleaned his house so it would be nice for his return.

When I returned home he sent me a txt thanking me for all I do for him and telling me he loved me. I replied asking him outright if he was seeing someone else and telling him it would break my heart. And he replied telling me not to be “a silly baby”. I just don’t know wot to think. Has he cheated on me?? Is there any other explanation for this?

please be kind. I’m confused. Apologies for the length of this.

OP posts:
Fladdermus · 07/05/2023 17:51

Yes he's cheated. But you know this deep down don't you.

Userengage · 07/05/2023 17:52

I would use his week away to exorcise his from my mind and thoughts. I wouldn’t even contact him to say it’s over; I would simply ghost him. He’s got you apologising like a fool.

YouJustDoYou · 07/05/2023 17:52

And also the way he speaks to you is vile, you need to bin the gross cheating fucker. He has slept with a woman who was on her period, it went all over his bedsheets and he tried to blame it on his daughter?!! What the actual fuck, that's vile. Bin him, you're worth more than that. You're only 35 for goodness sake, this can't be your life going forward!

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 07/05/2023 17:55

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 17:51

@colachive i know. I’m an idiot. I desperately don’t want to believe he’s cheated. I think in my brain I told myself if I continue on normally then everything is ok. But now he’s gone and I’m left alone with my thoughts his explanation of what happened isn’t ok… it’s not believable

You're not an idiot. No one wants to believe their partner has cheated.

Some people just think they can do anything to get out of it and that's why he's tried every lie going to make you believe him.

You deserve better than someone who lies and talks to you like a dickhead.

darkerpatio · 07/05/2023 17:55

It sounds heartbreaking OP!
I guess if you know her well enough, you could message his daughter and let her know 'her' underwear has been washed and you'll let her have it next time you see her. Of course she's almost definitely going to say, 'err, I don't know what you mean?'

And then when your partner returns, you have all you need to force a honest conversation. I'm really sorry you're going through this

sadtoday1 · 07/05/2023 17:56

he has zero respect for you. He didn’t even try to hide the evidence! Just shoved the sheets in the washing machine and couldn’t be arsed to even switch it on. Honestly! He ain’t bothered and his excuses are laughable. Can’t believe you would “do anything” for this tosser. You’re only 35! Get rid

treespouse · 07/05/2023 17:57

I recognise myself in your post where I just refused to believe that he was cheating. Buried my head in the sand for YEARS. It turned me into a wreck. You're only 35, please don't let this be your story.

Napoleonsjosephine · 07/05/2023 17:58

Why are you doing all this skivvying for him. Do you think if you act like his mother he will marry you? Stop doing that. And yes, he’s met someone else. Who clearly does not skivvy after him.

Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:02

@Napoleonsjosephine he’s told me he will never marry me. No chance of that

OP posts:
Original poster
Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:02

@treespouse im sorry this happened to u

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 07/05/2023 18:03

Get sti checked
. Then get rid of any evidence he had been in your life..

glitterfarts · 07/05/2023 18:03

Honestly OP. Do not let yourself be walked all over like this.
Blood on his sheets, bloody knickers on his floor.
Do you think you might believe he's cheating if you walked in and caught him actually funking someone, as there really isn't any more evidence you could possibly need.
You might not want it to be true, but it is. So decide what that means for you before he gets back.
However, him calling you a silly baby shows his complete lack of respect for you.
He obviously thinks you'll believe his bollocks story.
Don't be an idiot. Dump him.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 07/05/2023 18:06

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:02

@Napoleonsjosephine he’s told me he will never marry me. No chance of that

Well he doesn't need to marry you does he? Hes got you cleaning his house, giving him lifts, booking his work trips and generally running his life. Meanwhile he cites a 'difficult marriage' for the reason why he won't live with you which also conveniently leaves him space to have sex with other women.

You know relationships dont need to be like this don't you? That its possible to be with someone where you dont need to feel like you need reassurance because they don't behave in such a way that makes you feel vulnerable.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/05/2023 18:06

Oh sweet Jesus
this is grim and the catalogue of what you share really doesn’t look good

personally I’d take some decisive action on this basis
im so sorry 😞

HappyMe6 · 07/05/2023 18:07

How much more proof do you actually need op, I wonder why he had a difficult marriage before he met you, he probably treated his ex the same as he is treating you! I’d sew fish in the bottom of his curtains, he’s away you say! Ideal time to do it! He has no respect for you love none whatsoever. Can’t even get your name right! Time to visit the fishmongers I’d get him back big time. You are worth so much more

Susieb2023 · 07/05/2023 18:08

Every update is more upsetting. @Heartbroken87 the only one who can protect you from harm, emotional, mental and sexual harm is you, and this nasty man is not safe for you.

Heartbroken87 · 07/05/2023 18:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MrsRickAstley · 07/05/2023 18:10

You know the answer.

Fuckitydoodah · 07/05/2023 18:11

I'm sorry, but yes he's 100% cheated. There's absolutely no other explanation. Especially, when you add in his recent behaviour.

Kick him to the kerb and find someone who wants to have you fully in their life. He wants to have his cake and eat it.

He does not deserve you. He's treated you appallingly.

Campervangirl · 07/05/2023 18:11

Fuckin hell op.
I mean this in the nicest possible way but please grow a pair and whilst you're at it get some self respect.
This penis is taking the complete piss out of you.
He won't marry you, you've found evidence of cheating (he is, you know) you went with him to buy new bedding (to replace the period blood stained bedding?) visited him dm, cleaned his house, booked his trip?????
Ffs he's taking you for a ride.
You're now sat in turmoil while he swans off for the week, carefree as he's pulled the wool over your eyes and he knows you'll be there waiting when he gets back.
Dump the fucker, I'll bet you'll feel a whole lot better, at least you won't be sat there worrying about a bloke who couldn't give a toss about you.
You can do better and you're worth more, please believe that ❤️

Fuckitydoodah · 07/05/2023 18:13

Oh and I'd be down a fishing tackle shop to buy a shit ton of maggots. Sprinkle them all over the house so he has a house absolutely full of flies when he gets home.

AutumnTreacle · 07/05/2023 18:13

I mean yes I’m going to say with the utmost certainty he is. However, even if he wasn’t cheating I think you know the relationship is dead in the water with everything else going on.
Move on OP and know that you deserve so much better. Big hugs 💐

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 07/05/2023 18:15

Why are you cleaning his house when you don't live there?

From what you've written, he probably is cheating but doesn't want to lose the free cheating and jobs you provide.

amiold · 07/05/2023 18:15

There is a reason he doesn't want to live together... he's having his cake and eating it. You're still young, dump him and find someone who will marry you (if you want) and not take women back to his bed and then lie about it

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 07/05/2023 18:15

And I am sorry btw, you must feel awful.