Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……

[Mumma2Ro]

Some fake account has messaged me on instagram.
to tell me my husband paid for a prostitute when on a recent stag do in Marbella!
what the fuck do I do!?!!!!!???

Sorry, but I think this too. He may be innocent, but I think something has gone on in the group.

Definitely reckon it was someone on the stag who was possibly appalled by the behaviour, wants you to know and cooked up a story as to how they got that info to remain anonymous. Is he known as the ‘big guy’ by his friends?

How would a random girl have been able to trace you as his partner if she only knew his first name, and had never met him?

I don’t think it’s a prank and obviously you’ll have no evidence of whether it’s true or not if it was a one nighter with a sex worker in another country so there wouldn’t be messages keeping in contact on his phone (unless he used it to book her but surely he’d delete - can you check?).

If he took cash and paid with that, there’d also be no evidence on bank account.

99.9% he’ll deny if asked outright.

Tough one. Are you friendly with the partners of his friends who were on the stag with him? Could you talk to any of them about it to see if there’s been any talk first?

Qnd the 100% proof the message (on a fake account) is a woman is ...where ?

Oh yes , I forgot , women never lie do they ?

Or it could be a bloke sending you the message pretending to be a female as you;d never listen to a random man ?

Horrible situation to be in. I’d feel very suspicious as I’m sure you do. Difficult to know how you find the truth tho given he’s unlikely to give it you if he’s guilty.

Why would one of the wives be on a Stag Do?

All well and good saying confront him and “you’ll know” but what if he just flat out denies it (likely either way)? Then what? If it were me I’d do some sleuthing first

It’s judgemental but rightly so. There are certain destinations where you know people are not keeping anything in their pants. That’s one of them.

So sorry OP. Hope you get to the bottom of it. I trust my husband wholeheartedly but would struggle if faced with a message like that.

A few years ago my DH went on a stag do. The DH of a friend of mine was also on it and he paid for a private lap dance. My DH told me and I wish he hadn't as I still see my friend but I never told her. To this day I don't know if I should have. Maybe an anonymous message would have been an option I'd have considered if it had occurred to me.

Could just as easily be a girlfriend/ wife of one of the stags. Someone who has heard from their man what went down.
The explanation seems a tad far fetched that they just met them in a bar and they told all - not that bit, the bit where they then go on to contact their partners anonymously. Therefore, I'd guess it's closer to home.

Hi , OP did you confront him ?

If you’re referring to my post, I wouldn’t have expected the wives of the stag doers to have been there, no. I meant if the OP knows any of their partner’s well enough, would she be able to talk to them to see if any gossip had been going around when they came back to corroborate the message.

If one of the guys was talking about it to a random person in a bar over there, they may well have told other people when they got back.

OP has the name of the guy who said it?

My first thought was also the wife/partner of one of the other men heard about it and felt you deserved to know, but didn't want anyone to know who 'leaked' this information, so she tried to cover her trail. Unless there's someone you can think of who might have a reason to wish to hurt one or both of you, that seems more likely than a prank or trouble-maker.

I wouldn't ask him yet if there's any possible way to check up on him first. If it's a one-time thing paid for in cash, it won't be easy to verify, but I'm not confident I could accurately read someone's reaction well enough to decipher between 'shocked/angry at being asked' and 'shocked/angry at being caught'. It seems too easy to see what you expect or 'want' to see.

@Minieggy
You probably did the right thing. Telling would probably have caused a load.of grief and you could have ended up the bad guy.

That's a ridiculous thing to say

Who?

If they've accused another man from the stag do too maybe his wife has had a message? Have you asked?

Good luck, if I was faved with this I wouldn't know what to think it's horrible being anonymous and never knowing the truth. I feel for you.

The fact this person knows your Instagram account name suggests it's someone known to you - why would your dh or his mates be giving out that info to random women on holiday?

I agree it's a wife/gf (very clumsily) trying to let you know your dh is a cheating bastard but not wanting to get in trouble themselves.

I think it’s probably true

Did he go to Marbella? Why would this person lie? I would disengage from the instagram messages as, true or not, the person sending them is loving the drama. It’s hard to know how you should deal without knowing the relationship dynamic - if he is a liar he will lie if you confront him. Do you generally trust him? Is this the first inkling of anything dodgy? Is he generally honest, transparent and straightforward? If the answer to all of those is yes maybe just ask him and see where it goes. At the very least this as a red flag you should file a way to make sense of when more information comes to light.

Yes I agree it’s the partner of one of the other men who went or one of the men themselves, trying to tell
you without you knowing who they are.

Following from my message above, I’d put money on it being the wife or partner of one of your husband’s friends, who’d told her in confidence.
That’s exactly the position I was in, but in my case I thought about doing something similar and anonymous, but just decided it was none of my business and not to cause drama, especially as I didn’t know the guy’s wife well or what sort of marriage they had.

Probably true.