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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……

500 replies

Mumma2Ro · 06/05/2023 21:42

Some fake account has messaged me on instagram.
to tell me my husband paid for a prostitute when on a recent stag do in Marbella!
what the fuck do I do!?!!!!!???

OP posts:
NurseEssie · 07/05/2023 00:31

Oh I did this once.
Slept with a guy in Ibiza, then googled him after. He had a gf.

Yes I messaged her on Instagram, she called me. I told her.

They're not together now.

BeenThereTooo · 07/05/2023 01:18

NurseEssie · 07/05/2023 00:31

Oh I did this once.
Slept with a guy in Ibiza, then googled him after. He had a gf.

Yes I messaged her on Instagram, she called me. I told her.

They're not together now.

So you have a one night stand on holiday with some random and are miffed enough to google him and tell his gf? Were you giving "sisterly support" ?

Strawberrydelight78 · 07/05/2023 01:19

Whoever VivatVaginaCamilla is obviously.

Husband been on a stag do in Marbella and a random girl has messaged me……
NurseEssie · 07/05/2023 01:27

@BeenThereTooo
What is 'sisterly supoort'?
I told her what I knew. I'd do the same again.
The man is a shit. I presumed he was single. Yuk.

RabbitRabbitRabbitHouse · 07/05/2023 01:28

NurseEssie · 07/05/2023 00:31

Oh I did this once.
Slept with a guy in Ibiza, then googled him after. He had a gf.

Yes I messaged her on Instagram, she called me. I told her.

They're not together now.

Wow

Florenz · 07/05/2023 01:31

Is Marbella known for having lots of prostitutes? I've only been there for the day. Wouldn't it be more likely he'd have a drunken ONS with another holidaymaker?

almostwarm · 07/05/2023 01:55

I would think it was a wife of one of the blokes.
I have a confessional DH and know far more than I want to about lads trips.
I could see if serious boundaries were crossed ( actual sex) I would be left with this dilemma.

WandaWonder · 07/05/2023 02:23

What is this 'sister' thing? Just being a women does not make anyone a member of a club

Sure there things any normal people should or shouldn't do as being part of the human race

Catsmere · 07/05/2023 03:27

JenWillsiam · 06/05/2023 23:34

It’s judgemental but rightly so. There are certain destinations where you know people are not keeping anything in their pants. That’s one of them.

Not to mention it was a stag do.

draxdomax · 07/05/2023 03:30

+1 for Marbella stag do being extremely suspicious.

Why women marry men like this, I will never understand.

Spirographcity · 07/05/2023 03:59

DoNutSweatTheSmallStuff · 06/05/2023 23:31

Why would one of the wives be on a Stag Do?

They could well have heard through the husbands, hence telling you anonymously. I remember years ago my husband told me about a friend of a friend who was lying to his wife and was actually having an affair. I really didn't know her well enough to get involved - not even her surname for instance - but I might've if I knew her better. It did go on for ages and she apparently got really upset because he'd turn up home the next morning regularly. He did leave her in the end but I think she went through a lot of pain.

This seems a more plausible possibility than the prank one. I know it happens but I think that's very rare. Only you know your husband but when you hear hooves...

doctorfester · 07/05/2023 04:03

Can you respond to the message and say that you would like some more info please that could help confirm that this is all true.

workingawayplayingaway · 07/05/2023 04:10

Years ago I was working away from home on a six month contract and just coming home at weekends.

I got an anonymous message telling me my husband had recently met up with another woman on a couple of occasions.

My husband obviously denied it. He was a gentle, kind and caring man.

Turns out he was also a liar! Whilst I was working away, he was playing away!

I never knew for sure, but I think the person who messaged me was the other woman!

Spirographcity · 07/05/2023 04:12

workingawayplayingaway · 07/05/2023 04:10

Years ago I was working away from home on a six month contract and just coming home at weekends.

I got an anonymous message telling me my husband had recently met up with another woman on a couple of occasions.

My husband obviously denied it. He was a gentle, kind and caring man.

Turns out he was also a liar! Whilst I was working away, he was playing away!

I never knew for sure, but I think the person who messaged me was the other woman!

How did you find out the truth?

lljkk · 07/05/2023 04:30

let us know what happened, if you can ?

Lochjeda · 07/05/2023 05:19

If you trust your husband id not believe a msg from a random he hasn't even met. End of. His pals were maybe talking shite

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/05/2023 05:24

WandaWonder · 07/05/2023 02:23

What is this 'sister' thing? Just being a women does not make anyone a member of a club

Sure there things any normal people should or shouldn't do as being part of the human race

The idea is of looking out for other women is to counter misogyny. Every woman is a member of the club by default.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 07/05/2023 05:58

OP, where is your dh now? Is he still in Marbella? If so, you need to wait until you're f2f, don't try and have a conversation with him.over video call, as you need to see his body language.

I really hope it's one of his friends trying to wind you up, but I suspect its not.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 07/05/2023 06:06

Starlitestarbright · 06/05/2023 21:48

There's no smoke without fire I suspect someone is trying to give you a heads up

@Starlitestarbright I presume that you are very young, as your statement above is not true, but more importantly it is a very dangerous and awful thing to say.

So often it is said as an almost throwaway comment, without much, if any, thought beforehand from the speaker of said comment. The consequences of your erroneous phrase can be, and sometimes are, devastating! Please do not ever use statements like the one above again.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 07/05/2023 06:29

TheLadyofShalott1 · 07/05/2023 06:06

@Starlitestarbright I presume that you are very young, as your statement above is not true, but more importantly it is a very dangerous and awful thing to say.

So often it is said as an almost throwaway comment, without much, if any, thought beforehand from the speaker of said comment. The consequences of your erroneous phrase can be, and sometimes are, devastating! Please do not ever use statements like the one above again.

Get a grip, @Starlitestarbright is spot on. Why would someone even do this, what would be the motivation to send such a message?

Northernsouloldies · 07/05/2023 06:35

Perhaps not in this instance but the phrase 'no smoke without fire " is usually used by drama merchants who love salicious gossip at someone else's expense whether it's true or not.

PotBelliesGiveGoodLoving · 07/05/2023 06:36

Are details of the trip on social media and could your Instagram account be deduced from your husband's social media?

regenerista · 07/05/2023 06:40

Ellie1015 · 06/05/2023 22:26

It sounds a bit much. If it was wife or girlfriend of someone else there i can understand an anonymous message. But what you describe is a random women who got told some second hand info then tracked you down. It is a bit strange, l would ask dh but I think/hope she may be lying.

She's obviously pretending to be a random woman in a bar, rather than potentially getting in trouble with her DH for spilling the beans...

Dwightlovesmichael · 07/05/2023 06:43

I am so sorry you are going through this OP.

I had similar (not a stag do, a work trip), with ex husband and before the days of social media, it was via an anonymous letter.

I confronted him, he denied, got angry, got upset, was so upset and angry that someone would try to hurt me in this way, vowed to “get to the bottom of it.”

Turned out, they were right, he was shagging prostitutes on work trips.

snitzelvoncrumb · 07/05/2023 06:50

I agree it’s probably one of the friends wives.

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