Need a hand hold tonight.

[FromLittleAcornsGrow]

Just that really. My partner of 8 years has just broken up with me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know deep in my heart it’s for the best but tonight I’m sad. For the lost 8 years, for the loss of him and the good times.
For thinking at 58 this is it for me. I will
Most likely be on my own now forever with no one to hold me or love me or be there just for me.
I can’t imagine starting all over again with someone new.
I thought we’d grow old together and share our retirement.
it wasn’t meant to be for us. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he couldn’t provide what I needed but I will so miss his friendship and the good times.
Tell me it gets better. That I won’t always feel this lost and lonely.

Hope you enjoyed your night and felt liberated for going xxx

well we’ve made it to Friday again.

I had a good session with my councillor and managed more revision. It’s been a tough week in the house a lot except for before and after school.

had a nice eve eith the kids, are a big meal more than I’ve managed in ages and now I feel sick. But hoping it helps me sleep xx

Thanks Grenola
it was a mixed bag of an evening really. I enjoyed the show and seeing my friend but all the way through I also kept thinking about how I was meant to be there with him. Several times I was on the verge of tears. Grateful for theatre lights being dimmed! I’m home now alone and missing him like crazy.
glad you’re ok though. Good to eat! I’m still struggling. Making myself eat but it’s so hard. I’ve lost nearly a stone in two weeks!

It sounds like you have ripped off the plaster now tho as you won’t have that experience again….. I always see each time something is bad as getting it out the way and then experiences from them onwards are new territory…, anything goes and anything is possible….

in fact… I want to remind you all that our futures are not destined or written in stone. No one knows what is about to happen… even people settled and ‘happy’ booked future of happiness is secsured… now this can feel scarey but it also highlights the complete possibility for us. Everything u do something, have an experience it had the potential to be transformative … and give us learning and insight. Even heartache… it’s just a feeling attached to thoughts and we do have some power in how we frame it, how we define it, what narrative we attach to it. We can choose to feel it less, to embrace it as a potential…. I know this is very hard. It is very very hard. But we can do it……
however there is an element of fake it till make it… and a danger of not dealing with your feelings and trauma…. But this approach can help us get to the next stage… the next day.. the next potential moment. And the at how we move on….

I also believe in rituals… not like burning photos of people!!! But similar…. A very hot shower… screaming loud into a pillow… steam rooms…. Massages. These things help us to physically move on too.

Anyway I’m musing…. This kind of thinking helps me… helps me detach from seriousness if it all and the actual person involved in it all.

xx

P.s

something else is do is… talk to me in 5 days times. So I think the ‘me’ in 5 days would say x to me now. And I usually say ‘ don’t waste the days between then and now being sad because it will not get u anyway….. just get to the next 5 days and assess.

night seem silly but does seem to work for me

Thanks Grenola I was definitely faking it last night. This morning it’s had the effect of totally pulling the rug out from under my feet. I have cried and cried today. Something I hadn’t really done. I’ve spent a lot of the day on my own (through choice) and tried to process my feelings. I feel so empty after 8 years. I know I need to stop trying to guess what he’s thinking, doing and saying and accept what’s happened.
interestingly I have been sorting ‘stuff’ today and I came across a copy of a letter I’d written him for our second anniversary and in it I’d actually said that I was worried he wanted more than I could give and that I wasn’t good enough for him! So I think that tells me all I need to know. It was never going to be a forever relationship! We had some fantastic times but there were also some lows. I need to focus on my future self now whilst allowing myself time to heal.

Anyone about want to tell me about their weekend? I’ve had an awful weekend. I’ve done nothing but cry. I was doing so well up until this weekend. Sad but coping. Now the floodgates have opened and I can’t find the off switch. I’ve shut myself away because I don’t think my friends and family need to listen to me whining but I need to hear something positive and uplifting. Reassure me this will get better.

It will get better @FromLittleAcornsGrow My weekend has been positive but not very interesting. Just a thought but maybe if you felt 1% better tomorrow than today, then that would be an improvement or even half a percent, but don't put pressure on yourself.

peterlemonjello
Thanks for coming by. I’m feeling so stupid! When my marriage went wrong I cried daily for 4 months. I swore I’d never let that happen to me again. That no one would ever make me feel like that again. This break up I’ve been so strong, allowing myself to be sad but not distraught and now 2&1/2 weeks in I’m blubbing like a baby! I thought I was doing so well! Using mn to sound off and keeping busy. But somehow this weekend I’ve fallen off the rails. I want to drive there , cry at him , shout at him. Anything just to see him. It’s pathetic. I’m a 58 year old grown up not a bloody teenager. I feel sick and weak and so annoyed with myself. I just don’t know if I can do this again.

Hi all. I've felt low this weekend. I think I might be depressed. Everything is muted and I don't feel like myself. I'm an introvert anyway but have just wanted to hide away. I've cried a lot too. I really thought I was good enough. I'm not good enough.

I wanted our future so much, i really believed in it. I thought he wanted me and us. He just doesn't.

So sorry Bone that you’re feeling desperate too! It’s really awful isn’t it? I really thought that I was doing so well. I keep listing in my head all the reasons why the relationship had to finish and all the things that weren’t good about it. But today that doesn’t help. I just miss him!
I wish things could have been different. I keep thinking about the conversation that led to the break up and wondering if I could have/should have said things differently. Daft because the things that broke us up would have surfaced eventually anyway.

I hope you have someone there with you?

@FromLittleAcornsGrow and @Bone11 Don't be annoyed with yourself, you're only human, and what you are feeling is normal but you absolutely must not blame yourself, accept your share of responsibility by all means but you are not to blame and you are good enough. Tell yourself this.

Evening everyone

im sorry for everyone’s pain, whatever part of that journey you are in.

when my husband left I felt like I was having an actual heart attack. The pain was visceral…. I don’t think I will allow myself to feel that pain again.

I feel like the kids and my uni course is forcing me to be in survival mode. I feel nothing and am just like a robot.

also bones, you may be depressed and may need some help from the gp, anti depressants are great for a lift in a dark time. My experience is that they arnt good long term but so help to lift you out a little

I have an exam tomorrow and I know if I succumb to the heartache of it all I will mess it up and then I will have the emotional fall out of that then too

xx

You’re only human and it’s only natural to grieve. It hurts like hell at any age. Still don’t give that git any satisfaction to know you’re hurting over the break up.
There is no time limits of when it will start to ease, but that time will come, be kind to yourself.
Sending hugs your way, if you ever need a chat or vent, feel free to pm me 💜💐

Thanks all. I'm just so lost.

Good luck with your exam tomorrow Grenola x

Bones How are you feeling today? After a weekend with enough tears to save the hosepipe ban I feel strangely calm again today. Like I needed to cry them. I’ve had a busy day with my elderly mum and hospital appointments so that’s helped. I haven’t really had time to think. And his lovely DD contacted me today to firm up arrangements to come and stay in half term. I hope you’ve had a better day?

I'm sorry you had such a tough weekend too. That's good you've been calm today, yes maybe you did need to let it out. His DD does sound lovely, she obviously means it and does want to stay part of your life. I'm so pleased you have that, you must have built such a strong relationship with her I'm glad she's sticking by you. Your relationship may not have had the happy ending you wanted but if you have gained a loyal step DD through him, that's a really wonderful silver lining to cherish. I've been better today than over the weekend, work helped. My house is a tip though and I just can't seem to get on top of it, and I'm not eating or cooking properly so not feeling very healthy. I've got next week off so limping towards that and hoping to get things in order then. I just feel exhausted still. I need to be more proactive in my own life, look after myself properly and prioritise myself. I need to turn this around really. I can't go on like this, but it's so hard to take control. I'm hoping I can do it.

You absolutely can do it@Bone11 We believe in you.

Bones it’s so hard isn’t it? I have always found it difficult to prioritise me! There’s always someone who needs me !
I don’t think I’m out of the woods but a day of calm is a welcome respite after my ‘wet’ weekend!
Yes my lovely SD (which is how i will always see her!) is lovely. She knows how much I loved her dad, she’s seen him self destruct before. I hope her and her little daughter will always be in our lives. Her dad would always respect that. I guess it might just be a hard situation for her if he meets someone else?
sorting yourself out next week when you have a week off will hopefully set you on the path to self belief. It is just going to take time I think.

Thanks all. Hoping we all have a good day today x

Thanks Bones
another mixed bag of a day today. Had a team building afternoon at work. Nice to see people as I work alone or in a small group a lot but tough because all the talk was of a colleague’s upcoming wedding.
I really want to be happy for other people but it just reminds me of my loneliness and inability to have a successful relationship.
hope you’ve had a good day.

Hi Acorns. Wedding talk must have been hard! I'm so cynical these days, even before all this. People tell me how much their weddings cost, I tell them to start saving for their divorce because it's even more expensive! I had a good day at work, got to wear summer clothes as the weather is nice here finally, and saw family after work which was nice. But I am still very much going through the motions. I am just sad inside. I miss him. I'm trying to remember to be a good friend and checking in with those that have supported me with my dramas recently. I need to focus on these people, because they haven't let me down. But, I think about him all the time. And every part of me misses being loved by him.

Bones you do sound so lovely!
I know what you mean about missing them and being loved by them. I keep trying to tell myself I miss the good bits but there’s lots I don’t miss. It’s hard though. Because at the time the good bits outweighed the not so good bits! It’s really hard to turn that around. I keep trying to tell myself I deserved someone who loves me the way I love them and I know I do but I feel very empty inside like I’m going through the motions of life but in a detached way.
I even had some very low ‘it would be better if I wasn’t here’ thoughts earlier which shocked me rather. I’m not someone who ever thinks like that. I just felt so sad and lonely. Those thoughts have passed now but it scared me a little to even feel them briefly. At least it’s nearly bedtime. Sleep helps me to forget. (Unless I dream of him!)

You sound really lovely too. We seem to be very similar in our emotional responses and relationship needs, it's really so helpful being able to talk to you. I've had that feeling too, a flat 'what's the point of being here, who would really miss me' feeling. Not that I'd do anything, but just a really empty what is the point realisation. It didn't last long, and I don't feel like that now. We are worth so much more than they could (or would) give us. We have to keep remembering that. I hope you get some peaceful sleep.

Sorry, I haven't been by for a bit. Sending support to you all, it's such a difficult and confusing time.

My husband and I have decided to try again.... except that it's been over a week, and we're just like strangers. There's no affection, and I'm a tactile, hugger. I need human contact - so the kids are getting lots of hugs, 11yr old ds loves that lol!!

At the moment, I feel like the easy option. We can all stay in the house, continue with the joint finances and generally live quite a nice life. He can do all his hobbies, including one with ds that takes up quite a lot of time. And I'm there, working a full time job, but doing 90% of the housework, laundry and cooking dinner to fit around everyone else. Except me! I want to do intermittent fasting, but it doesn't work with fitting around everyone else. I rarely do anything except work and home. I've completely lost myself.

But I feel so distant from him. I'm not attracted to him. It's like living with a friend, and sleeping in the same bed with just nothing happening! We don't even manage to talk about anything important in person, it's all via text.