Need a hand hold tonight.

[FromLittleAcornsGrow]

Just that really. My partner of 8 years has just broken up with me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know deep in my heart it’s for the best but tonight I’m sad. For the lost 8 years, for the loss of him and the good times.
For thinking at 58 this is it for me. I will
Most likely be on my own now forever with no one to hold me or love me or be there just for me.
I can’t imagine starting all over again with someone new.
I thought we’d grow old together and share our retirement.
it wasn’t meant to be for us. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he couldn’t provide what I needed but I will so miss his friendship and the good times.
Tell me it gets better. That I won’t always feel this lost and lonely.

58 definitely isn't too late to find someone else, but also being single in later life isn't the worst thing either, if you have friends and family who care.

It's definitely not too late if that's what you want, think of all the men in their 50s wanting companions too.

I really hope you’re both right. I never envisaged being a woman alone. I like to go out and meet people but hate doing so on my own. I know I have months and months of healing ahead of me before I can even contemplate a new relationship. Grenola you’re right it is a totally exhausting prospect.
my next grappling issue is I have just rewritten my letter to him. Do I send it? I’ll never know if he reads it (part of me thinks he probably won’t!) but I really want him to hear some of the things I was too shocked to say the night we broke up.
it’s not a grovelling ‘please take me back’ letter We are beyond that but an explanation from my point of view. Would it be so bad to send it?

No, don't send it. It's always the wrong thing to do. Once you're calmer and less emotional, you will regret it. Saying nothing IS closure.

Deleting you from his SM could mean he has someone else, or has an interest in someone else and needs you totally out of his space.

I wouldn’t send it, it won’t change anything. Only do things for yourself, not for him.
my fling before this relationship I really wanted him to know all the reason we could t be together. But in the end I just had to find closure and peace for myself.

I also feel overwhelmed by the prospect of months of healing. Knowing how all this works makes it so much harder and I’m now worried I will just decide to not date again. To just protect myself from now on and take love off the table :-(

Don't send the letter, unless you are trying to get back together. Sending it will prolong things. Use it as a cathartic exercise for yourself, not for him. I totally agree with missing texting, living apart means it's a really big part of modern relationships. I miss that terribly. I've seen a friend today and got some jobs done at home but can't shake the sad feeling in myself, I'm going through the motions. Missing being tactile with someone. I don't think any age is 'too late' to find someone else necessarily, but it's whether you can allow yourself to be open and vulnerable to love again. I find that so daunting. Knowing to get to where we were, would take a minimum of 5 years from now, if I was lucky to meet someone. Healing, dating, finding someone, trusting them, being established long enough to meet kids, then moving towards lives being entwined. For me, none of that can be rushed so it is a long road to find again what I have just lost. So I have a very hollow feeling inside. And a panicked feeling also. Post here as much as you need to, even if you feel you are repeating yourself. We are all here to support you and each other. We all deserve to be happy. I hope we will be.

@Bone11 I feel all of those things.

I’m feeling so heart broken.

breaking up with someone that you still love and have genuine feelings for us the pits. Having to pull away from that person because of red flags and boundaries you need to keep you healthy. It is just so hard. I’m scared by these feelings. It’s worse than my divorce.

Bone11
it’s definitely not about reconciliation. We did that a year ago, when pretty much the same differences split us up, because we still loved each other. There is no way back this time. It’s more about closure and because in the end the break up was swift and unexpected I didn’t feel I’d had the chance to really express myself.
Grenola I know what you mean about being worse than divorce. It does feel worse this time because I loved him in a completely different way. Like I’ve never loved before and feel I never will again. 8 years is a long long time when you feel so passionately about someone. My marriage was a more comfortable cozy pair of slippers kind of love! (Probably why he found another woman!!) 😬

This is definitely worse than my divorce. The decline of my marriage was long and slow and it was never passionate. The intense highs of being in this second relationship are so hard to let go. I've never felt so loved or loved someone so passionately. When times were good of course. Never had such highs or such lows. Ultimately I know he is no good for me, with a spectacularly cruel ending I know this, but my god it hurts so badly.

Bone so sorry you had such a cruel ending. Mine wasn’t cruel , just abrupt.
Mine was unexpected at that point. One minute we were fine the next he was telling me he wasn’t going to see me anymore! Then he just switched off, couldn’t communicate with me , until I collected the few bits I kept at his house and left. His last words to me were leave the key!
such a final symbolic act!! So very sad. 😢

Wow that is abrupt. Sounds very harsh from him! I can totally see why writing a letter and expressing yourself has been helpful so you can process it. I've just ordered myself a takeaway. After days of not eating properly I'm suddenly ravenous. I'm taking that as a good sign! I also couldn't stop myself looking at old holiday photos today, BUT I didn't cry. I do miss him so much though. What are your plans for the evening?

I’m currently at slimming world! I have to say the break up diet works better! Lost 5pounds this week! 😂
Felt quite cathartic to tell people though. Or at least people not directly involved. It somehow makes it more real.
I’ve still got no appetite. I think the empty feeling in my stomach hides the pain in my heart.
copious amounts of tea is keeping me going. I know what you mean about holiday snaps. They always show the good times that are the things we’ll miss the most. It’s ok to cry. Or at least that’s what I am telling myself.
Enjoy your takeaway.

Slimming world sounds very positive, well done! I've just eaten more in one meal than I've had all week I think! I agree it's good to tell people, I have confided in friends and colleagues and that helps make it real and I need all the support I can get. I didn't do that through the bad times in my marriage, kept it all to myself, so at least I've learnt how to take care of myself better this time.

Telling people is the hard bit. It somehow makes it real doesn’t it?

Yes, and I can't help but feel like a failure. He just didn't love me enough. It makes me question the good times, was I deluding myself etc. I so wish things were different.

Well done for going to slimming and getting out.

I hate telling people, I don’t want them to know that I’ve failed again. I’m embarrassed to say to people, I just feel like they will just think I knew it wouldn’t work.
I feel like I’m cursed to never be happy with someone and I’m worried others don’t buy it when I say I’ve met someone and I’m happy. It’s just rubbish :-(

Bones I know that feeling. If only he’d loved me more he would have stayed. Was the rest of our relationship a lie? Was I a mug? In my case I don’t think so, my only fault was believing he would mellow and alter his life aspirations, I should have realised a lot earlier that that wasn’t fair of me to expect of him. Anymore than it was fair of him to expect me to change mine.
Another long day of no contact. Maybe each day that passes will get easier for us. I do hope so. I feel so lonely.
I just managed some toast. First thing I’ve eaten since yesterday lunchtime. It felt like eating cardboard but I made myself eat it.

Age is nothing but a number! I'm sure you'll find someone to spend the rest of your years with. My Ddad is 57 and still chasing the ladies, in a respectful way of course.

Grenola I know exactly what you mean. I feel embarrassed to be heartbroken again at my age! Like somehow the age should make it less painful. I find myself brushing it off and crying my real tears in private. My friend’s husband died last year and she knows how I feel but somehow it feels different (not better or worse , just different ) because I know my XDP could message and chooses not to. (Is that a terrible thing to say? Obviously I wouldn’t say that to her!)

Good for your dad! Genuinely interested in the answer….But does he look for younger partners ? My experience seems to be that men in their 50’s want partners in their 40’s.

Granola - yes, I feel embarrassed too. All my friends are still married to their children's fathers, I've now not been good enough for two men. Which I know isn't true, but it feels like it when I'm low.
Acorns - that's good you've eaten something. So hard to realise love isn't enough and that we just can't change people or expect them to change for us.

I love him so much. I don't care how pathetic that sounds. I do think I am lucky to have loved so deeply, I just wish it could have lasted forever.

It's really helping me chatting on here, thank you.

I'm sorry op

According to Ddad his ideal dating age range is late 40s into early 60s. At 57, I think that's pretty reasonable.