Need a hand hold tonight.

[FromLittleAcornsGrow]

Just that really. My partner of 8 years has just broken up with me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know deep in my heart it’s for the best but tonight I’m sad. For the lost 8 years, for the loss of him and the good times.
For thinking at 58 this is it for me. I will
Most likely be on my own now forever with no one to hold me or love me or be there just for me.
I can’t imagine starting all over again with someone new.
I thought we’d grow old together and share our retirement.
it wasn’t meant to be for us. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he couldn’t provide what I needed but I will so miss his friendship and the good times.
Tell me it gets better. That I won’t always feel this lost and lonely.

I thought I'd come back and say hello as we all seem to be in similar positions.

My husband is now sleeping on the sofa. He thought we'd be fine both sleeping in our bed, but then that gives me absolutely nowhere to go without him!

We had a particularly nasty argument last night. One of those whispered ones so the kids can't hear, where you say the most awful things because you're just hissing at each other. The end result today is that I feel completely shellshocked and numb.

I have my counselling session on Friday, and it's much needed.

One thing my counsellor talks about is attachment styles, and how knowing yours can help in the future. This is an interesting article explaining it: https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships

I'm an avoidant and he's an anxious attachment. My counsellor says this can work well in a relationship, although it's generally the man that's avoidant and the woman is anxious attachment, but can be very challenging when things go wrong. I find it quite interesting, and I can feel myself detaching.

Thank you Definitely that was really interesting. Sorry you’re going through it too. There’s a lot of it about!
Hope you’re doing ok tonight.

Hi all. This evening my mind has thought 'Fuck him. I'll have a summer of meaningless flings and one night stands and just have some fun without all his shit and drama.' That may or may not be the wine talking.

bone love this! Sadly I feel too old for one night stands and a meaningless fling it’s probably 20years too late for me!
I’m imagining my kids if I started that! 😂😂
would love to think it wasn’t too late for a meaningful relationship though… eventually!

I want something meaningful, I just don't think I could put myself through this again. But I don't want to live without a sex life either. I doubt I'll have any luck though, I've never been exactly beating them off with a stick!

Why too late!? That's what they're is an abundance of out there, not relationships

there*

Queef I’m of a generation that sex is something that’s part of a meaningful relationship where the connection is based on more than the physical. I need that connection to even consider making myself that vulnerable.
I don’t want casual. I want something more. I just don’t know if I have the resilience after a long failed marriage and now a longish failed relationship to put myself out there again.
It feels to me that there must be men in their late 50’s out there who want the same ? I just wouldn’t even know where to begin to look?

I’m of a generation that sex is something that’s part of a meaningful relationship where the connection is based on more than the physical.

I am 68, and was no stranger to one night stands in my youth, neither were my peers.
However, I agree this is not the answer to heartbreak.

Orb I obviously led a sheltered life! 😂
Not sure I can change now!

Nah one stands bring too much potential to derail your mental health. If they are good, they are good but if not then they mess eith your head. In fact if they are too good they also mess with your head!!!!

You are probably all right that it wouldn't be wise, I just can't face the heartbreak of a long term relationship ending again. I highly doubt it will be a summer of love for me in any way shape or form anyway! I will be trying to do things for me over the summer, I've got to work on my house and garden and friends and family for a start, that is an obvious focus. Then try and boost my career when I have the mental and physical energy to do so. It was just the idea of some fun and physical comfort that appealed. Sorry for any derailing I've caused!

Well I would def try OLD if you haven’t…. It’s fun in that u meet all sorts of people. BUT you do have to be in the right frame of mind and also be open minded. But i found it empowering to have the confidence to meet someone fir a first date. U also learn a lot about yourself. But it’s. A lottery….. u could go ages not bothered by anyone but equally the first person u match with could be your next person. X

I think I'm just trying to distract myself from thinking about him and what I've lost. I want what I thought we had.

Bone I know what you mean though! I long for someone to love me. And choose me over anything or anyone else!
But self worth is a very important start!
Grenola I have never tried online dating!
where do you even begin? Do genuine guys really try their luck for a meaningful relationship or are they all after a quickie?
I had a look through my friends page the other day. There’s some pretty strange profiles if I’m honest!

That's it Acorns, I want someone to love me as much as I love them. Maybe that's just a fantasy though. I want to be someone's priority, because that's what I'm offering too. I want it to be equal.

Well OLD gives you a good distraction and keeps you busy. And my experience is that as long as u can be focused on what you are after and take charge of the dialogue a bit then you don’t get changers. I never dated any blokes after a quickie…. Did date a few that were nothing like their profile!!
I just got better at it!!
if I got bored I said no not for me. I made sure they sent me up to date pics, and I didn’t massage any egos. Challenged then with dialogue that suited me… I’m a creative and into music. So I only chatted to people like that.

Absolutely plenty of time. Having remained single after her second divorce in her 40's (by choice), my Mother shocked us all by taking a lover at 69!! They've been happily living together for years now.

theemmadilemma that’s good to hear! Sometimes I’m still optimistic that I’ll get my happy ever after and other times I’m just so lost and sad. I guess that means I need to just heal before I will know if I want to move on. I just hate the feeling of loneliness!

I hate the loneliness too Acorns. I miss his goodnight texts and planning our next meeting. I hate how long the evenings are without him.

bones yes! That’s just it. The evenings are so long. My XP didn’t often message me very late because he went to bed early and got up early but still the evenings seem so long and drawn out. The hardest bit for me is not having plans for the weekend to look forward to! The weekend was ‘our’ time. Now the weekend ahead is taunting me. I wonder what he’s planning and who with! I thought he loved me like I loved him. Nothing would have dragged me from his side. I would have compromised until the cows came home. But he couldn’t compromise one bit. I know it’s a sign I have had a lucky escape but it doesn’t feel like it.

It really does sound like you are far too good for him. We clearly have the same passion and dedication for our partners, I wish they had both been worthy of us and our capacity for love. I hope we both find someone that can reciprocate. I know many people are happy by themselves, and that's great for them. But I need companionship. I need to be someone's special person.

bones I think lots of my family and friends thought I gave too much and I’m better off without him, but they’ve all got their busy lives, they’re not the one that’s missing him! Eventually I’m sure I will realise they’re right, but it was a deep love (that I thought was reciprocated and clearly wasn’t ) it makes me question my judgement!
I just feel lost. On a plus note it’s Friday and I’ve made it through another week! I just need to keep busy over the weekend! I’m going out with a friend this evening (but to something I was originally going to with him, so not sure how I feel about that!)

That's very brave of you to go tonight, I'm not sure I'd be able to. I hope you have an amazing time with your friend, it's very inspiring to me that you are off out. Hope you have lots of fun!

bone I already had the tickets, seems a shame to waste them. But I do have mixed feelings about going. Fridays and the weekends were ‘our’ time together! But if I stay home I’ll only spend the evening looking at photos and feeling miserable!
plenty of time for that over the weekend!!