Need a hand hold tonight.

[FromLittleAcornsGrow]

Just that really. My partner of 8 years has just broken up with me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know deep in my heart it’s for the best but tonight I’m sad. For the lost 8 years, for the loss of him and the good times.
For thinking at 58 this is it for me. I will
Most likely be on my own now forever with no one to hold me or love me or be there just for me.
I can’t imagine starting all over again with someone new.
I thought we’d grow old together and share our retirement.
it wasn’t meant to be for us. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he couldn’t provide what I needed but I will so miss his friendship and the good times.
Tell me it gets better. That I won’t always feel this lost and lonely.

@FromLittleAcornsGrow
You did the right thing then I guess. Being heard is very important.

in so tired there isn’t time for sadness for me this eve, such a long gruelling shift and a poorly child to deal with over the phone getting him seen by his nursing team.

Long hot shower for me and bed xx

Grenola goodness what a tough job. I don’t think I could ever work with poorly children. (Fellow NHS worker here!)
doing a job like that is draining. No wonder you felt you could t take on your DPs issues on top. I admire your boundaries.
Hope you manage to get some rest.

Grenola that's good you're keeping busy, sorry you have a poorly little one though.
Acorns I agree with Grenola, if it's made you feel better, it was the right thing to do. You've been heard and expressed yourself. Hopefully in time that will give you peace.
I've had a funny day. I've got to the 'he can just fuck off' phase, it is dawning in me how badly he treated me at the end. I'm still heartbroken, but I'm also angry and starting to believe I deserve better.

I know the general consensus was not to send the letter but it has strangely helped. The night we broke up I just didn’t feel I had really been able to express myself and in many situations I always think of tons of things afterwards that I wish I’d said! Writing the letter helped me clarify things in my own head. It was a gamble though because if he hadn’t replied and I didn’t know if he had read it properly I would have really struggled with that. At least it feels
more amicable now. Bones I haven’t reached the angry stage yet! 😏
That must be so tough.

Clarity is always good. And that's good that you feel it will be a more amicable parting now. It must still hurt so much, but I'm glad you are happy with your decision to send it. Well done. My anger is giving me a bit of clarity hence the fuck him attitude today, and that's a welcome break from feeling devastated. I'm assuming there will be these ups and downs though, I don't think my sad times are over yet.

Bones I think it takes a long time to get over heart break. That’s what I’m dreading really. Months of not feeling good. Because it doesn’t matter how busy I keep myself at work or how much I keep myself occupied outside of work. That empty sad feeling doesn’t leave me.

You were together a long time, it's going to take time, there's no denying that. I wish it was easier. Sadly yes, we are in for the long haul. We had so much planned for the summer, I'm grieving our past and our future.

Oh goodness! So did we. 3 holidays booked. One I will still do as it was with my mum. Two I presume he’s cancelled. One of them was a lifetime dream holiday! We were both looking forward to it so much! Fair amount of money lost too but it’s only money. Can’t spend it twice. Trying to find things now to fill the time in that leave I have booked.

I have a horrible feeling he will go without me. It's somewhere we've been before which makes that worse in my mind, he'll be there and I'll know exactly what he'll be doing and it won't be our special place anymore.

Oh Bones that would be awful. I hadn’t considered he might go on our dream holiday without me. But I guess he might. Or worse take someone else!! That’s my biggest fear! I want him to be happy, of course I do, it would be awful not to wish he was happy but I dread the thought of him meeting someone else!

Morning both…..

in sorry your both having to deal with the whole what’s shall we do about the holidays ect. That’s tough.

I finitely relate to the ‘this will be a long journey to recovery’ but what I will say is you don’t know how you will deal with this. It could be days weeks and you may be feeling super strong. You might surprise yourself, so don’t give yourself more pain from the fear of this pain. That’s just doubling up. Also give yourself permission to feel better if u start to have glimmers of ok, and also anger is a great emotion in times like this because it is transformative.

cone on let’s keep going XX

Good morning. I'm so appreciative of this thread, thank you both so much. I slept badly and feel rough this morning, I think I've made myself ill from this, who know not sleeping, not eating abs drinking properly and extreme stress isn't good for you eh? I've got a big day at work today though so have to go in. I've got lots planned for this weekend so although I feel like I just want to hide alone in bed I know it will be good for me to see people and keep busy. I'm so tired. I just never wanted to be by myself. Hope everyone has a good day x

I am too getting much support from this thread. I am trying to have stuff planned for the weekend. It’s hard because everyone has busy lives. Last day of work for the week. Going to be tough as it’s meetings day so seeing a wider group of work colleagues. I’m sure the news has got out. I just hope no one thinks I’m going to give them all the juicy gossip! I don’t want to talk about it! Have a good day both.

You're completely missing the point.m It's not about not being happy for people, it's about the fact there can only ever be one socially acceptable happily ever after and that's with a bloke in tow.

@Bone11 @FromLittleAcornsGrow

yes this thread is keeping us all going!
it makes us check in and consider how we feel.

I think because we are used to being in a Couple we now need to be so proactive about planning our weekends. Get something planned for every weekend. As soon as we do that we will feel less bad xx

Oh how I hate Friday nights! Tired, sad and lonely tonight.
Everyone I know seems to have something to do this weekend. The weekend is stretching out ahead of me like it’s taunting me. I miss my XDP so much it physically hurts that I will no longer see him. I know it will get better and I just have to get through this but it’s so difficult!

I hear you. I'm so sad without my old life. I want that life back. I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad, but you are not alone, we are here with you. I want to be cuddled up with him tonight so much. I miss everything so much.

I miss the physicality too. I’m sad I’ll never have that with him again and scared that I’ll never have it with anyone ever again. From the strange high of yesterday that he’s replied to my letter to this terrible low of tonight that he’s still enjoying a weekend of all the things we used to do together. I want fast forward six months. To be in a better place where this awful emptiness has gone. I’m sorry you’re going through this too Bones I feel stuck in this cycle of loneliness.

I keep wondering what he's doing. I need to break that habit, because it's not helping me. I don't want to be alone, and I really wanted the future we had planned. It's definitely a cycle, and I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight. I need hobbies clearly!

I know what you mean. I’m torturing myself that he’s already out on a date with someone else, back on online dating, chatting up the neighbour ? All of which are now none of my business anymore but painful to contemplate. It’s like my brain is trying to plant these ideas to cause maximum pain.

I'm doubting whether he ever really loved me. He can't have done the way I love him that's for sure. God I really am pathetic tonight.

Bones I think that’s a normal thought. Obviously they didn’t love us the way we loved them or else we’d still be with them. For me it’s about him not loving me enough to compromise on something that was non negotiable for me. (My family) and I know deep in my heart it had to end for that reason but my brain keeps taking me to the good bits in our relationship instead of reminding me of the difficult bits!

I wish I could turn all these thoughts off. It sounds like you have made the right decision for you, lets hope time really does heal these horrible wounds. I feel so let down. I'm going to try and sleep now. Thank you for your company.

Morning ladies xxx I’m sorry last night was such a torture for u both.
I was so exhausted but worked in my essay so avoid the thinking.
it’s really hard isn’t it… this cycle of sadness and so much fear for the future.

everyone keeps saying, of course u will find it again. And you know what they are right. But when u in this you can’t begin to imagine it can u xx

Yes, it's meant to make us feel better isn't it, but 'You'll find someone else!' when you don't want anyone else in the world just makes it worse.
Sounds like you had a productive evening Grenola, that's brilliant!