Need a hand hold tonight.

[FromLittleAcornsGrow]

Just that really. My partner of 8 years has just broken up with me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. I know deep in my heart it’s for the best but tonight I’m sad. For the lost 8 years, for the loss of him and the good times.
For thinking at 58 this is it for me. I will
Most likely be on my own now forever with no one to hold me or love me or be there just for me.
I can’t imagine starting all over again with someone new.
I thought we’d grow old together and share our retirement.
it wasn’t meant to be for us. I couldn’t give him what he needed and he couldn’t provide what I needed but I will so miss his friendship and the good times.
Tell me it gets better. That I won’t always feel this lost and lonely.

I suppose I need to realise and truly believe I can do better than him. He treated me badly and that's not ok. I'm mourning what I thought we had, because clearly I got it wrong.

The trouble with the whole idea that you’ll meet someone else is how will you ever trust again that you’re making the right decisions? Twice now I’ve given my everything to men and been let down.
I don’t want to go back to all that uncertainty, that insecurity.
maybe it is better to stay single. As much as it pains me to think that. I wouldn’t even know where to start again anyway.

Precisely. I'm not interested in not committing fully, I wouldn't know how to do any less. But how can I trust I will or am getting that back when twice I've been burned.

It was more I must throw myself into something kind of production

i have adhd and when I’m tired or low I unfortunately go the other way. And last night I was so hyperactive and it was horrible. Couldn’t sit still and I needed rest, it’s a struggle sometimes. Altho mt meds to regulate my emotions so there is that I guess

I've kept myself busy today and got plans with friends tonight. I'm focusing on the positives!

I’ve kept busy today gardening and washing the car.
Got plans to visit friends tomorrow! It’s the only way I can cope.
I am struggling so much not to call him. I’m not going to but it’s so hard.
I have been giving myself pep talks about the things that weren’t good in the relationship and trying to focus on those rather than the good things. It seems to help. Those good things won’t go away but will be there for nice memories when I am more on the road to recovery.

Hey girls

Today has been a wild ride

update u tomorrow. Not in a good place… going to a friends now x

Well done op. I hope you've had a lovely evening.

That sounds like a positive day and a positive attitude Acorns. You ladies are inspiring me. Grenola I hope you are OK. No need to share anything you done want to or can't on here, but we are all here to support each other xx

I had such a positive day yesterday keeping busy … but this morning I’m in bits all over again! I had such a vivid dream about him/us that I woke thinking he was here beside me. I can control my daytime thoughts and fill my hours but how the hell do I control my dreams. I’ve now been awake since 4.30 , too scared to go back to sleep. I’m fighting the urge to message him and even drive to his! I won’t do either but what the hell is going on with me?
I’m so grateful to have you all to tell these thoughts too. I don’t want to burden my friends with all this crap in my head.

Acorns your brain is processing it all at night isn't it, mine is the same. I'm hoping this lessens and gets easier over time. I'm trying so hard not to think about the good times. I almost went crazy the other day thinking I should drive over, funny you say that too. I'd convinced myself it would help and that it was the right thing to do. I'm glad I didn't, it wouldn't have helped, he probably wouldn't have met me in and then I would have felt worse and had to drive home in an emotional state so I'm glad I didn't. Sorry you've had a tight morning. I had fun with my friends last night, I'm going to have a low key relaxing day today, and going to try and keep calm about it all.
Grenola hope you are OK.

Speaking from experience OP:

I want to reassure you that if you want another relationship you will find one.
First of all take time to mourn this one. What you are going through is entirely natural so you are currently in the thick of processing everything. This will get better as you learn to live a life of independence and doing things like days out, on your own.
Why not book a holiday aimed at single people? In the UK or abroad, just do it. Something to look forward to. I did walking holidays and a steam train UK break many years ago (I love the nostalgia of steam trains) and had a great time! I went abroad once or twice and kind folks took me under their wing and I had some lovely times with total strangers.
I will never live full time again with a bloke but I can reassure you that a love life is possible however old you are.
Get yourself out there. The world won’t come to you. You must go to the world.

Hi everyone.
I had quite a day yesterday. Rush to finish essay, pack boys up to go to their dads. Met my cousin.
then decided to meet him to talk. I had a councilling session too, which helped me to see I had got very very scared and but so firming putting my boundaries down I had pushed him away. Which is very positive in some ways because I am so geared up to not get hurt again and protect myself and had a gut instinct to things. But it also means that I am very judgmental and harsh to the other person. I’m expecting perfection and am wanting someone without a lady or baggage eft which at 40 isn’t going to happen. It helped me see my role in it all. So that pushed me to meet up with him.
which was a mistake at first, because seeing him made me realise how much I love him and how scared I am but it. I ended up leaving be try quickly, leaving him standing there. Which I feel awful for.

im just feeling so broken, and confused as to how a 3 months lighthearted but passionate relationship has turned in a matter of 7 days. He was wrong to block me, and wrong to not get a handle on his stress and drink before he came to see him. But equally I can’t say to him I want u, but not all of u only the good bits. That’s not who I am, I want someone who feels things and talks thier feelings but I think my fear has made me just push him away.

so today I have lay in my bed and cried and I need to get a hold of this, I need to understand why I am doing this. If it is someone I need to deal with or if I am reacting to something real that is u healthy for me. But for the life of my I can’t put my finger on anything tangible other than I really like him and our connection is more real and sweet and gentle but passionate than I have ever had at age 40.
I have adhd and I do question myself a lot and see myself as vulnerable.

so I have to sit tight and speak to my counsellor again on Tuesday.

he is being great and understanding and says he is patient and understands what I am feeling. He is scared too.

I just need to minimise the stress and threat to my equilibrium and balance and then just keep moving forward. Without knowing what will happen.

im sorry I am bribing a different angle to this thread, and I’m sorry if it upsets you both because it’s not a simple break up heartbreak type thing. Which believe me I have bee through, which I think is why I am going thru this now and freaking out and so fucking scared.

xx

so, yes going abroad is such a good idea. I have just been massaging a friend about summer plan xx

Don't apologise Grenola, heartbreak takes many forms xxx That sounds so incredibly hard to deal with, I don't know how you have coped with all that. I don't have anything insightful to say, but just wanted to reply quickly to give you big hug. I need it as much as you do. I'm very sad today.

Oh @Bone11 thanks for the bug, back at you XXXX

We just have to keep going hour by hour.

massive hugs to u and here all night if u want to get it off u chest or reach out x

Thanks Grenola x My friends are all so bored of repeating the same advice to me. It does help knowing we are all going through similar emotions. I'm really let down by him and so sad that he just didn't love me enough. I know I'm repeating myself. I have really positive intentions and then get busy, but then out of nowhere I get exhausted and just have to give up. Acorns how has your day been?

I think that this cycle nature of heartache is powerful. When I feel a bit better and then hit a wall again I think you have to see it as a new experience with less pain and being one step closer.

we just keep going, and we will find love again, and the risk will always be there that it won’t work. So have to protect ourselves and keep a supportive network.

if he didn’t love u enough he wasn’t right and I bet if you think hard enough and honestly enough you will know u had doubts or wasn’t truelly as happy and you deserve.

@Abandoned1 hope your ok chuck xx

Hi both.
after the awful start it’s been ok. I went to see some friends for lunch. They were very supportive. But they were also very supportive when my XH cheated and left so I can’t help feeling like people are thinking ‘here we go again!’
I only ever wanted ‘a happy ever after.’ I think I’m a good person and deserve that. Guess I’m just crap at choosing men!!

because of where they live I had to drive past where XDP lives which was hard. It took all my Will power not to stop by to just see him!
I feel like I have survived the weekend by the skin of my teeth but that physical pain just doesn’t go away. I’m lonely.
Grenola. Your feelings are just as valid as the next persons. Heart ache is heartache in whatever form. We all just have to ‘hand hold’ together!

You've both just made me cry with your kindness. Thank you for listening and understanding.

That must have been so hard to drive past where he lives. You've been very strong. I'm lonely too.

stratocumuls sorry just realised I didn’t reply to you. I agree I need to find new things to do and new people to meet. I just feel like I’m not very interesting! I feel like I've lost myself along the way through my life.
my life is currently complicated by elderly parents, full time work and just coping with living. It wasn’t meant to be like this!
I did look at singles holidays but they all seem sooooo expensive! But maybe for next year.

Morning all. Another weekend survived!
Facing the coming week with slight trepidation. We were supposed to be going to a concert on Friday. I’m taking a friend instead, as I bought/had the tickets but it will be odd. At least it’s something to do!
Hope you have a good day.

I ring everyone in this thread. Apologies if I miss people out. All over the shop at the mo.

we are all surviving, and each others kindness helps.

keep going, keep talking.

I’ve got a full day of revision and housework xx

I'm at work today. Keeping busy. The sun is shining and I'm doing well so far concentrating on doing a good job today, throwing myself into it. Thoughts to all today.

😘😘😘😘