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Original poster

Staying together till kids have grown up?

394 replies

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 03/05/2023 16:10

Has anyone decided to stay in a relationship for their children until they have grown up and moved out? With all the things in the news about mums new partners and “step fathers” I would personally never want to bring a man into my children’s lives/ a step father, I know not all are bad but I personally don’t want to take the risk. I know I will get told you can be happy alone but I don’t want to be alone and I want to share my life with someone. I’m perfectly happy on my own and have been for several years but I was thinking of the possibility of trying again with my ex, we didn’t break up for anything major no cheating or dv. I know you can be happy alone but it’s like single mums are expected to stay alone once Their relationship ends and some of us would like company and someone to share life with which is not the same as having friends they have their own lives and relationships. Is anyone staying in a relationship till their kids have grown up? (Please don’t tell me to be happy on my own great for you if you are happy to be single and don’t want a partner then this thread isn’t for you)

OP posts:
supercali77 · 04/05/2023 18:04

In your opening post what you actually said was 'Has anyone decided to stay in a relationship for their children'

Typically what follows a question like that is a list of a partners great fathering qualities, or a great home, or literally anything that's a real benefit to the children. What followed was a description of a man who effed off when one was a baby, barely sees them and can't provide diddly squat

Wannabegreenfingers · 04/05/2023 18:09

There have been several threads of thus ilk lately, and the general consensus is don't do it. My parents dud and its no fun. Two happy parents apart are far better than two miserable ones together and the kids always know.

Original poster
ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 18:10

Wannabegreenfingers · 04/05/2023 18:09

There have been several threads of thus ilk lately, and the general consensus is don't do it. My parents dud and its no fun. Two happy parents apart are far better than two miserable ones together and the kids always know.

I’m not happy though I’m miserable and lonely my kids already don’t have a happy parent living alone!

OP posts:
Bapbap45 · 04/05/2023 18:14

The end

Original poster
ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 18:15

Bapbap45 · 04/05/2023 18:14

The end

You can leave you know? No one is asking you to keep commenting? If other posters want to still comment i will respond no one is asking you to stay though?

OP posts:
RunThroughTheJungle · 04/05/2023 18:33

Don't do it. I did it and we've just split up again. Rebuilding my life would've been much easier to do at 40 rather than at 56. I regret staying, massively.

IBlinkThereforeIAm · 04/05/2023 18:34

What is the point of the thread OP though? You have clung to the tiny minority of comments that validate what you'd clearly decided to do before even starting the thread, and ignored or been hostile to everyone else - the vast majority - who have said it's a stupid idea and offered alternatives. So a waste of all our time, really, as you were never going to listen anyway.

Just don't pretend this is for your children's benefit. All the reasons you've given for this are due to the misguided belief it will be better for you, because you can't cope with being independent or building a life for yourself or being single or bothering to look for a decent man.

Your choice. But don't put it on your kids. And don't say you weren't warned it will be a disaster.

IBlinkThereforeIAm · 04/05/2023 18:39

I’m not happy though I’m miserable and lonely my kids already don’t have a happy parent living alone!

Because you won't do any of the work required to improve your life or get theraoy so you're not so bitter and can move on or get financially stable or make more friends so you have a support network or find childcare or meet a decent man or be happy alone and would rather shack up again with the scummy man who walked out on you all and treats you and his kids like you are expendable.

So messed up.

IBlinkThereforeIAm · 04/05/2023 18:53

And you believe he loves you because he said so, even though he abandoned you all and has continued to disrespect you and your DC for years and won't lift a finger for you or them. But it's ok because then you'd have "company" in the evenings. What a joke. I can't imagine what kind of company such a man could provide that would be preferable to an evening alone.

InceyWinceySpidy · 04/05/2023 18:55

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 18:15

You can leave you know? No one is asking you to keep commenting? If other posters want to still comment i will respond no one is asking you to stay though?

Show quote history

No one's really commenting though. You just make up stupid excuses and now it's just entertainment.

Just stop pretending you're doing anything for your kids, and actually can't leave the bloke who dumped you 5 years ago alone.

monsteramunch · 04/05/2023 18:57

supercali77 · 04/05/2023 18:04

In your opening post what you actually said was 'Has anyone decided to stay in a relationship for their children'

Typically what follows a question like that is a list of a partners great fathering qualities, or a great home, or literally anything that's a real benefit to the children. What followed was a description of a man who effed off when one was a baby, barely sees them and can't provide diddly squat

Exactly this.

If you want to do it, which it sounds like you do, then it's your choice OP.

But it's odd to dress it up as 'for the children' when this man is a shit dad who hasn't bothered to build or maintain a healthy and loving relationship with them.

Watchkeys · 04/05/2023 19:00

So, @ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt , do you think he respects you?

InceyWinceySpidy · 04/05/2023 19:04

Watchkeys · 04/05/2023 19:00

So, @ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt , do you think he respects you?

@Watchkeys do you think she even cares? She's just desperate to get him back.

It's so sad for the DC.

Watchkeys · 04/05/2023 19:08

@InceyWinceySpidy

Why do you keep answering questions posed to OP? I'm asking because I'd like to know her answer, because it might help her to break down what's happening. You seem to want to goad; what are you trying to achieve other than putting OP down?

InceyWinceySpidy · 04/05/2023 19:13

Watchkeys · 04/05/2023 19:08

@InceyWinceySpidy

Why do you keep answering questions posed to OP? I'm asking because I'd like to know her answer, because it might help her to break down what's happening. You seem to want to goad; what are you trying to achieve other than putting OP down?

Because she's not interested in responding to anything sensible.

She just picks anything to act professionally offended by, and ignores the other 90% because she can't give an answer. She knows the answer. Can't bring herself to admit the truth though.

Bapbap45 · 04/05/2023 19:22

ItIsWhatItIsTillItIsnt · 04/05/2023 18:15

You can leave you know? No one is asking you to keep commenting? If other posters want to still comment i will respond no one is asking you to stay though?

Show quote history

I'm choosing not to 😆

Anyone joining the thread really ought to read all of your comments and then they can see that you've only responded positively about 3 times on the 3 occasions someone said something that confirmed what you wanted to hear. On a thread with 383 comments.

Choconut · 04/05/2023 19:56

I think you're in a really hard situation but I think you need to be very careful.

How is it going to work? You'd need to take it really slowly with your ex and how would that work with him 2 hours away? If you move out of your place because he doesn't like the area and it doesn't work out or he decides he wants to leave again what will that do to the kids? Will they have to move school if you move in together? Why did he leave before? Why did he decide he wanted to try again?

I totally understand where you're coming from and if you still lived together but it was just going to be platonic then I'd say go for it - my mum and dad had a difficult relationship at times but I am extremely grateful that they worked through it, stayed together and I had that security. But you've already been apart for several years, live a couple hours apart, he doesn't like where you live - and so there could be an awful lot of upheaval for the kids in getting back together - which if he then decides it's not what he wants could be devastating.

whumpthereitis · 04/05/2023 23:30

The thing is it can work, depending on the state of the relationship.

Some kids would hate it and resent their parents for doing it, but some kids would also hate their parents splitting up, resent having to spend their time between two homes, and/or being introduced to stepparents.

There’s no one size fits all answer. You can only do what you think is going to be best for your children in regards to the situation you’re all in.

Watchkeys · 05/05/2023 07:21

Yes @InceyWinceySpidy, but why do you think that your answers are any use to anybody?

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