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Original poster

Guy I’m seeing has invited me to wedding abroad

157 replies

Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 14:55

Hello all,

I’ve recently started seeing a new guy, and he’s invited me to his friend’s wedding in Greece as his plus 1. I said yes, but I’m now starting to regret it. I was under the impression he would be covering quite a bit of it, but he’s now expecting me to go 50/50 on everything. It’s in a couple of weeks time, so not much notice at all! Im feeling stressed about it all and regretting saying yes.

For reference, I’ve paid £350 for my own flights, bought an outfit, paying for airport hotel for us both, paid £50 for an excursion and he’s now asking for half of the cost of the hire car (which I could do without tbh!!) I’m really happy just chilling at the Airbnb and getting a taxi here and there 😬

he had originally asked for 50/50 on Airbnb too but I explained I can’t afford it right now.

I usually have to plan in advance for holidays.

thoughts?? I’m not sure whether to go anymore but it’s all paid for - we’ve had a bit of an argument about it all.

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/05/2023 14:57

I get the impression he's invited you because he wants you to subsidise his holiday.

Can you get refunds for any of it?

tailinthejam · 02/05/2023 14:59

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/05/2023 14:57

I get the impression he's invited you because he wants you to subsidise his holiday.

Can you get refunds for any of it?

I get that impression too.

Suzannargh · 02/05/2023 15:02

I think you should have clarified who’s paying for what before agreeing, but I find it bizarre you’d expect him to pay for any additional costs for you like your flights or outfit.

Do you earn similar amounts?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 15:04

When you are invited to something , you expect to be a guest. In your place I would have offered to pay for my own flight, but I would have expected to be his guest for the rest of it, especially since it is an occasion which is being centred around ‘his friend’.

I think this is pretty selfish of your recent BF. Stand firm in the not paying for the accommodation. If he can’t afford this trip with you subsidising it, better not to go.

FKATondelayo · 02/05/2023 15:07

Yeah, unless he's perfect in every other way, I would cut my losses here. See the sunk cost fallacy. What can you recover? Can you change the flight and use it for another holiday? Can you cancel the hotel and excursion? Return the dress.

How long have you been seeing him?

And yes, if a guy invited me abroad for a wedding I'd expect him to cover hotel and car hire costs as well as the costs of the day (food, drink, gift) seeing as he'd have to pay those anyway.

samestyle · 02/05/2023 15:11

Can you get a refund on the flight? I'd not go, it's too soon, you're not officially his gf anyway, it will be a disaster if your arguing about money before you go.

Snowite · 02/05/2023 15:12

Is your flight cancellable? Or if not, can you reschedule to alternative dates and go another time without him ? I'm assuming you haven't worn the outfit yet, so get a refund or credit note for that, depending on retailer policy.

Honestly, if you've argued about it then the whole trip seems a waste of time, cash and energy given its a new relationship.

Suzannargh · 02/05/2023 15:12

If a guy invited me abroad for a wedding I'd expect him to cover hotel and car hire costs as well as the costs of the day (food, drink, gift) seeing as he'd have to pay those anyway.

That’s where I’d draw the line too - he shouldn’t be subsidising his own trip using OP’s money. But from the OP we don’t know if they’ve both got carried away making it a joint holiday too, or if OP’s been keen for extra excursions which make the car hire necessary, or whether he’d otherwise be bunking up in a hostel room with his mates.

treespouse · 02/05/2023 15:12

Well paying for your flights is normal. As is the dress. He's covering the accommodation while you're out there so one night at an airport hotel seems fair? (If it's the cheaper version - ie Premier Inn and not the fancy airport hotel)
Re the hire car I'd just suggest skipping that and getting cabs when you need it "that way you can have a drink, not worry about driving etc" if he insists then let him know it's not in your budget?
He's a new Bf so I'm not surprised he's not sponsoring your whole holiday but if you couldn't afford it you should've turned down the offer at the beginning

fluffiphlox · 02/05/2023 15:13

I think it would be a ‘no’ from me. Sponger.

Moveoverdarlin · 02/05/2023 15:16

I’d say ‘happy to pay for all my costs myself, like flights, outfit, meals out, excursions’. But I wouldn’t pay for hotel or Air B&B, as he’d be paying that regardless if you went or not. Same with a hire car.

runwithme · 02/05/2023 15:22

Who is paying for the hotel whilst you're there? I really can't see how you're subsidising his trip, to be honest. The flight and dress should be paid for by you. Why wouldn't you go halves on car hire, if you're both using it?

Spottycarousel · 02/05/2023 15:23

The trip sounds like a disaster in the making. It's all happened fast and it does sound like the guy has taken advantage. If it were me I would be trying to get out of going or risk the whole thing being a disaster. Is there anywhere you could get a refund? This relationship doesn't sound promising

purplecorkheart · 02/05/2023 15:24

Sorry but I think I would cut my losses too. You do know he will expect you to go halves on a wedding gift etc. Cancel or move the fight if you can, cancel the airport hotel and return the dress. Sounds like he wants you to subside the cost of things for him. I bet he will look for the money for the air bnb from you later or make you pay for all the food and drink instead.

mcmooberry · 02/05/2023 15:35

Cut your losses and salvage what you can. You didn't chose this as your holiday and it's just becoming more and more expensive and stressful, you will just end up feeling resentful.

gannett · 02/05/2023 15:45

If it's someone I'd only just started seeing I'd absolutely expect to pay for half of everything. I would also expect a say in what that "everything" was though, so I'd say no to the hire car. If he's paying for 100% of the Airbnb that's a pretty hefty chunk of holiday expenditure covered right there that I wouldn't expect.

How much more money do you think you'd have to spend beyond what's non-refundable? What's paid is paid but there's no shame in setting a hard budget for what more you can afford. Really, two weeks away is just too soon to pull out completely (well I guess you can but it'd be poor behaviour).

OneMoreCookieMonster · 02/05/2023 15:49

I'd itt doesn't feel right to you, I'd say cancel. It's not the worth the further expensive and aggro especially if you're already arguing about it this early on in a relationship. You both clearly have different boundaries.

This will cause friction while you're away and you don't want to be in a position where you're stuck in a different country and can't afford to get back if it all goes tits up.

And, there's no shame in saying that you can't afford it.

Dragonsandcats · 02/05/2023 15:51

Think I’d cancel, return flights and change flights to somewhere I wanted to go when I wanted to go!

Dinoswearunderpants · 02/05/2023 15:53

Let me get this straight, he invited YOU along and now expects you to be paying 50/50 for everything that had you not been going along, he'd be paying for it all...?

Flights I understand you pay for but the rest is a bit of a p-take. Especially if you've already said you can't afford it.

Is the airport hot necessary? Could save some money there.

80s · 02/05/2023 16:09

I'd have asked how much it would cost before saying I'd go. It's fine if you want to be with a man who'll pay for things, but you can't just assume that's happening when you've just started dating. Weird that he didn't bring it up either, or is he a lot better off?
Now you've paid for the flight you might as well go (unless you now hate him of course!). Tell him you want to take taxis and don't have any more money for excursions or anything extra. Enjoy the holiday then don't meet up any more.

Provenza · 02/05/2023 16:11

A solid no. I’d at least expect him to cover the costs of anything that he’d have to pay for himself anyway. That’s just a very basic requirement. Flights? Debatable, I can understand that, but your presence there should be seen as an added value to this trip. Hm.
He’s setting the tone for the future OP.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 16:35

Suzannargh · 02/05/2023 15:02

I think you should have clarified who’s paying for what before agreeing, but I find it bizarre you’d expect him to pay for any additional costs for you like your flights or outfit.

Do you earn similar amounts?

No no, absolutely do not expect him to pay for my flights or outfit costs! I’m more than happy to pay for this. Was even willing to contribute towards the Airbnb too but he told me he’d cover the costs of everything while we were out there and now he’s asking me for 50% of those things such as the boat trip, the hire car etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 16:42

Provenza · 02/05/2023 16:11

A solid no. I’d at least expect him to cover the costs of anything that he’d have to pay for himself anyway. That’s just a very basic requirement. Flights? Debatable, I can understand that, but your presence there should be seen as an added value to this trip. Hm.
He’s setting the tone for the future OP.

I agree. Future doesn’t seem bright.

I feel uncomfortable.

I also feel terrible I’ve agreed to it in the first place without clarifying costs. Hold my hands up there, that was my fault. I got swept away with it all.

p.s. part of the trip covers my BIRTHDAY.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 02/05/2023 16:48

Sit down with him.

”when we talked, you mentioned x and y costs and said you would cover them, now that seems to be changing. I don’t have much budget for this after flight and dress, and I assume some of the costs you would have had anyway, so can we take a look at it all and see? If we can’t figure it out, I’ll leave you to it and look at getting a refund on my flight and dress.”

Suprima · 02/05/2023 16:50

he’s using you to subsidise his accommodation

surely this was obvious when you have received a totally inappropriate invite to a major life event? Even you say you are just ‘seeing’ each other. This isn’t a boyfriend.