I swear it will come to the point on Mumsnet where absolutely no one will post about any dilemmas or issues ever more because of other posters endlessly goading or dissecting or projecting. Or doing anything they can to make the op feel bad. And we will have all ruined what used to be a helpful and supportive site.
And if an op is honest and admits, god forbid, to not being 100% perfect, or as in this case, having made an error of judgment, then the pile on is even more enthusiastic.
Then the op is put on the position of having to justify themselves over and over again for just being human or, for example, having encountered someone who is less than ideal boyfriend material. And everyone responding to the op is of course 100% perfect 100% of the time aren’t they?
I get that a thread opens up in to a wider discussion but why is it those very women who purport to care most about the sisterhood who seem to
be the very worst at this? Along with incel type men? Both groups appear to be absolutely merciless. They don’t seem to be able to tolerate any other opinion but their own. You see it in the sahm v wohm threads all of the time.
Of course women want financial independence, equal earnings, equal careers, equal childcare, equal housework, and to be paying your own way wherever possible, but honestly, I don’t care how competent and professional a woman is entering a relationship with a man, you cannot ignore the biological vulnerability of that position, despite almost full proof contraception.
Ultimately, along with other variations on the same theme, the biological imperative for most but not all humans, is to meet someone of the opposite sex, form a strong bond, and procreate and ensure the continuation of our species. That being the case, a woman has potentially a lot more to lose entering in to a relationship than a man.
People will howl at this suggestion (fortunately I’m old enough not to care anymore) but even in this day and age where women can support themselves and do it all, it’s no bad thing to check out if a man you are dating is kind, supportive, empathetic and yes, is prepared very occasionally to shoulder the financial load.
Because as a woman, you can’t avoid the biological facts that ensure it will probably be you who are the one stuck earning less during maternity leave, you will potentially be the one taking a kick to your career progression when undergoing one pregnancy or more, and you may be the one forced to cut your working hours if you or your child are ill or disabled through the process of childbirth, or your baby has a congenital health issue, or even just has a bad run of entirely normal infant illnesses. Hopefully earnings will recover, but they don’t always.
Obviously it’s a good idea to go halves on dates before things get serious and to always stand on your own two feet financially, and not feel that you owe anyone anything, but if a man is virtually never ever willing to pay for a meal, or appears to be extremely controlling over money, or as in this situation, makes a financial agreement and then goes back on his word about it, then you can be pretty certain that they ultimately won’t be supportive husbands or fathers either. And it’s far better to find that out earlier on during the dating stage, than at a more serious point in the relationship.
And if that opinion makes me an old reactionary fart then so be it; my point speaks to the reality, not just the rhetoric, of working motherhood.