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Original poster

Guy I’m seeing has invited me to wedding abroad

157 replies

Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 14:55

Hello all,

I’ve recently started seeing a new guy, and he’s invited me to his friend’s wedding in Greece as his plus 1. I said yes, but I’m now starting to regret it. I was under the impression he would be covering quite a bit of it, but he’s now expecting me to go 50/50 on everything. It’s in a couple of weeks time, so not much notice at all! Im feeling stressed about it all and regretting saying yes.

For reference, I’ve paid £350 for my own flights, bought an outfit, paying for airport hotel for us both, paid £50 for an excursion and he’s now asking for half of the cost of the hire car (which I could do without tbh!!) I’m really happy just chilling at the Airbnb and getting a taxi here and there 😬

he had originally asked for 50/50 on Airbnb too but I explained I can’t afford it right now.

I usually have to plan in advance for holidays.

thoughts?? I’m not sure whether to go anymore but it’s all paid for - we’ve had a bit of an argument about it all.

OP posts:
Flappingtarps · 02/05/2023 16:54

Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 16:42

I agree. Future doesn’t seem bright.

I feel uncomfortable.

I also feel terrible I’ve agreed to it in the first place without clarifying costs. Hold my hands up there, that was my fault. I got swept away with it all.

p.s. part of the trip covers my BIRTHDAY.

Show quote history

Your birthday? Oh dear. Chivalry is dead! I wouldn’t feel too badly about not clarifying in advance op! I think many of us here would have assumed that he would be covering accommodation and car hire for example as he would have had those expenses anyway. He’s not exactly catch of the year is he? And this is at the start when you are meant to be madly in love! It would be a no from me op, and a no ever after too.

CheesusWept · 02/05/2023 16:54

How long have you actually been seeing him for?

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 17:03

couple of months now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 17:05

Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 17:03

couple of months now.

Well I’ve known him a couple of months (since Feb) but have only really been on a few dates with him - it is VERY early days. Again, probs should’ve said no to the invite to the Greek wedding lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 17:07

Flappingtarps · 02/05/2023 16:54

Your birthday? Oh dear. Chivalry is dead! I wouldn’t feel too badly about not clarifying in advance op! I think many of us here would have assumed that he would be covering accommodation and car hire for example as he would have had those expenses anyway. He’s not exactly catch of the year is he? And this is at the start when you are meant to be madly in love! It would be a no from me op, and a no ever after too.

Show quote history

Chivalry is dead. We are on same wage. Met at work. Both earn fairly ok.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 02/05/2023 17:09

I don’t think it’s a chivalry thing, but I don’t think OP should chip in on things he was already booked and paid for (different if it’s an extra seat like boat trip - if she wants to do that - or flight)

Dweetfidilove · 02/05/2023 17:16

Yuck! I have no appetite for cheap men, so it would be a no from me. Couldn't date him any further either, so would cancel my flight and get rid.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 17:24

Dweetfidilove · 02/05/2023 17:16

Yuck! I have no appetite for cheap men, so it would be a no from me. Couldn't date him any further either, so would cancel my flight and get rid.

I agree - he also highlighted how he also paid for all of our dates 🤢 clearly just sees me as an expense!!!

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 02/05/2023 17:34

Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 17:24

I agree - he also highlighted how he also paid for all of our dates 🤢 clearly just sees me as an expense!!!

Show quote history

He is too much. Let him go 😶.

Grrrpredictivetex · 02/05/2023 17:39

.

Chowtime · 02/05/2023 17:42

I think you should have declined to go in the first place. I can't really imagine why you said yes to be honest. It's too late now, you'll have to go.But he owes you a BIG favour after this.

FinallyHere · 02/05/2023 17:49

So early in the relationship, and with him quibbling about costs, I'd be concerned that he really only wanted to show up with a plus one and share costs, so that literally anyone would do. And that he might pull the plug on the relationship afterwards.

Now that you reflect, you are having arguments about the fairness.

Yeah, I'd cut my losses now and write off the sink costs as a learning experience. If he is arguing about fairness when it's you doing him a favour, this isn't going to get better, is it?

I'm the last person to not pay my way but honestly, arguing doesn't sound good.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 02/05/2023 17:50

I was on your side until you got to the fact he's paying for all of your dates so far... why aren't you covering 50/50? Perhaps that's why he's trying to rebalance things now, albeit in a really shitty way. Why are you subsidising his hotel and car hire?

Tbh,the whole thing sounds like it's ot going to last. I'd cut my losses now if I were you.

snowlady4 · 02/05/2023 18:02

Sounds like you have different expectations.
Personally, if I invite to something like a wedding, I cover the majority. Definitely hotel as that would cost the same whether you take a guest or not. Also, the gift I would 100% cover myself.
You've paid for flights and outfit now- so I would probably go, if you still like him enough to do so.
I would say no to paying for the hire car- just say it's an unnecessary expense you'd rather do without a car. And be clear and tell him you'll be needing to keep the trip cheap and cheerful as it's cost way more than you expected already- and that you're only going to support him.
It's not exactly a holiday for you is it- a wedding full of people you don't know! I think he is being a bit unfair really!
Hope you have a nice time though!

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 18:36

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 02/05/2023 17:50

I was on your side until you got to the fact he's paying for all of your dates so far... why aren't you covering 50/50? Perhaps that's why he's trying to rebalance things now, albeit in a really shitty way. Why are you subsidising his hotel and car hire?

Tbh,the whole thing sounds like it's ot going to last. I'd cut my losses now if I were you.

I’d explained to him early on that I’m in a little bit of debt that I’m prioritising clearly currently which meant I cannot afford lavish dates. He said he understood and would like to take me / us on them anyway.

and then he kind of threw it in my face today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 18:37

Chowtime · 02/05/2023 17:42

I think you should have declined to go in the first place. I can't really imagine why you said yes to be honest. It's too late now, you'll have to go.But he owes you a BIG favour after this.

I agree - I’m regretting

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 02/05/2023 18:38

FinallyHere · 02/05/2023 17:49

So early in the relationship, and with him quibbling about costs, I'd be concerned that he really only wanted to show up with a plus one and share costs, so that literally anyone would do. And that he might pull the plug on the relationship afterwards.

Now that you reflect, you are having arguments about the fairness.

Yeah, I'd cut my losses now and write off the sink costs as a learning experience. If he is arguing about fairness when it's you doing him a favour, this isn't going to get better, is it?

I'm the last person to not pay my way but honestly, arguing doesn't sound good.

Going to talk to him but really considering cutting losses yeah x

OP posts:
custardbear · 02/05/2023 18:40

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/05/2023 14:57

I get the impression he's invited you because he wants you to subsidise his holiday.

Can you get refunds for any of it?

Yep!

gerbilcrocus · 02/05/2023 19:18

Well I’ve known him a couple of months (since Feb) but have only really been on a few dates with him - it is VERY early days. Again, probs should’ve said no to the invite to the Greek wedding lol

Whatever the situation with the costs, even if it was all expenses paid, agreeing to go to Greece with a man you've only been on a few dates with is a big mistake - sorry. It's far too fast, far too soon...

Watchthedoormat · 02/05/2023 19:31

If you feel this way you are going to have an awful time and be seething with resentment.
The joy has been sucked out of it.
Doesn't he realize you're doing him a bloody favour by being his +1?
Very nice for him you've agreed to keep him company and pay for the privilege!
I'd of paid for my outfit, possibly the boat trip and a couple of nice meals whilst out there. Not sure you should really even be offering the flight.

Bluebells1970 · 02/05/2023 19:33

I'd cut my losses now. Imagine when you get there it'll be food, drink, petrol, airport parking, presents for the bride/groom .... you'll save in the long run.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 02/05/2023 19:43

He shouldn’t have paid for all the dates. You shouldn’t have agreed to go to a wedding/on holiday after a few dates.

you should pay flights, he should pay accommodation, boat trips etc should be by mutual arrangement and shared funding.

sack him off, get a refund on whatever you can.

HTH

Flappingtarps · 02/05/2023 20:17

Chowtime · 02/05/2023 17:42

I think you should have declined to go in the first place. I can't really imagine why you said yes to be honest. It's too late now, you'll have to go.But he owes you a BIG favour after this.

You know what, she doesn't behave to go if they split up in the meantime!

Flappingtarps · 02/05/2023 20:33

Flappingtarps · 02/05/2023 20:17

You know what, she doesn't behave to go if they split up in the meantime!

Show quote history

Behave???

Oops she doesn't have to!

Flappingtarps · 02/05/2023 20:36

Although it was a mistake to agree to travel with him so soon, in a way you've dodged a bullet op, as you haven't wasted more time finding out what a tight arse he is!