Guy I’m seeing has invited me to wedding abroad

[Flutterbye22]

Hello all,

I’ve recently started seeing a new guy, and he’s invited me to his friend’s wedding in Greece as his plus 1. I said yes, but I’m now starting to regret it. I was under the impression he would be covering quite a bit of it, but he’s now expecting me to go 50/50 on everything. It’s in a couple of weeks time, so not much notice at all! Im feeling stressed about it all and regretting saying yes.

For reference, I’ve paid £350 for my own flights, bought an outfit, paying for airport hotel for us both, paid £50 for an excursion and he’s now asking for half of the cost of the hire car (which I could do without tbh!!) I’m really happy just chilling at the Airbnb and getting a taxi here and there 😬

he had originally asked for 50/50 on Airbnb too but I explained I can’t afford it right now.

I usually have to plan in advance for holidays.

thoughts?? I’m not sure whether to go anymore but it’s all paid for - we’ve had a bit of an argument about it all.

Thank you lovely

🧁 ☀️ ✈️

I honestly don't know. I've had people be a little offended because I insist on paying my own way. But so be it.

I think someone insisting on giving lavish treats or gifts early on in a relationship is a bit of a red flag tbh. A meal? Fine. A big luxurious night out? Eh... let's wait a bit.

Oops sorry missed there update. Hope you have a lovely holiday.

for what it’s worth when I met my husband he was struggling financially. He never asked for anything but there were times I would offer to do something nice and would never expect him to pay because I already knew he couldn’t afford it. I even surprised him with a couple holidays because I really wanted to go away with him, and I knew he couldn’t afford and I paid. That was my choice.

anyway now he earns more than me and pays for all the holidays etc and he just sorts it because he can. He knows I earn less but I focus on buying things for baby and we have a mortgage now etc and I knows I don’t have much extra after that. He would never expect me to pay towards holiday now because he knows I can’t afford that.

anyway I can see you’re not freeloading or anything. People thought my DH was but can now see that was never the case.

hope you have a very happy birthday

Think you made a bad decision agreeing to go abroad with someone you barely know tbh but hey that's just my opinion

@Christmascracker0 That’s a very good point you’re making there - if you cut all costs in half that then gets rid of that power they can lord over you!

Dating is an emotional rollercoaster honestly. I’m starting to wonder if I even want to bother with it all. 🤯

If it was my friend getting married in two months time and I just started seeing someone, in all honesty, I don’t think I’d invite them just yet. It’s too early days.

If we’d been dating a bit longer, I’d say “x is getting married in Europe and I’ve been invited. I’d love for you to join me. There’s absolutely no obligation to though as I know it’s a big ask for you to fork out money for flights and a trip you hadn’t planned.”

I’d then suggest 50/50 on flights and food & drink while out there, but I’d cover the cost of the accommodation. Not their fault the wedding is abroad, it’s hardly down the road is it?

Don't beat yourself up OP, lesson learned! You weren't to know he'd turn into a jerk.

@Flutterbye22 the one you linked is their new one that’s out in September. I think they’ve updated it for things like Instagram etc. This is the last one that I used https://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Rules-digital-generation-bestselling/dp/0749957247
there’s also lots of Facebook groups that you can post on.

Your story seems to change every five minutes. At first I was 100# on your side, but I’m more his side now.

You’ve only been together a few dates. He’s paid for most things because you’ve told him you’re trying to pay off debts. Fine. And they’ve been expensive dates, you say, by his choice, fine. It’s kinda nice he did that, isn’t it? But then next minute you’re able to find the costs of flights to go on a holiday. And you offer to pay for a hotel at the airport as a thank you. Have I understood correctly? When he asks you to chip in for a few more things, you say you’ve got debts and can’t afford it, and an argument starts? You say he throws the fact that he has paid for dates in your face (I presume because you said he was mean asking you to pay?) but you’re doing the same if you’re throwing the airport hotel, that you paid for as a thank you, you say, in his face. So you’re doing the same.

And you’re saying things like you believe in equality and would’ve paid your way one minute, then the next talking about chivalry being dead and how women should be paid for because of gender divide wages due to having children (I don’t get the impression that you have children yet, so can’t see how this is valid here). You clearly are the type of woman who expects to be treated. I have plenty of friends like that. But there are lots of us that aren’t.

At the end of the day it was a crazy idea to go on holiday together so soon into the relationship, Particularly when you’re so skint and hadn’t discussed how it would be financed properly. You both just assumed differently. I think the most sensible thing you’ve done is to cancel and walk away.

Yes, it’s nice he did that. But to be honest I’m more than happy just going for a picnic or a nice long walk or bike ride or something followed by a couple of drinks. Not expensive steak dinners. He still threw it in my face.

Look, agreeing to Greece was 100% a mistake. I did find the money for flights, yes. As time went on I realised I’d made a mistake but I had already committed to going. I booked the airport hotel on booking.com and I’ve managed to cancel it now. It was all adding up and causing me a lot of stress. I do earn ok, but what I’d realised is I’m not paying off as much debt as I’d like to anymore as I’ve committed to this trip that’s adding up. I never threw the airport hotel in his face. I was more than happy to cover this :)

He’s come back to me today and apologised. He said he even forgot how expensive the flights were and said sorry…

Agree with your final comments. You live and you learn. Should never have agreed and should’ve clarified the financing of it in the first instance. That could’ve then informed my decision as to whether I’d accepted the invite. I got swept away in the moment. 💔

If it was my friend getting married in two months time and I just started seeing someone, in all honesty, I don’t think I’d invite them just yet. It’s too early days

personally I think if someone I’d been dating a few weeks asked me I’d say no, too early days

I’d then suggest 50/50 on flights and food & drink while out there, but I’d cover the cost of the accommodation

sure you would, you don’t even want to pay snthing on your dates 😂

Where you getting the idea I don’t want to pay for dates from?

I said I can’t afford to contribute to LAVISH dates. I can still pay my way.

get your facts straight!

You do that and don't be worrying about your finances.

It was way too early to accept an invite to a wedding, never mind a destination wedding. But you jumped at the chance, as you
thought it was a free holiday.

Not satisfied with freeloading for the dates at nice restaurants etc, you thought you’d top up your goody bag with a free holiday.

He sounds like a bit of a dick, but honestly,
you sound like a user.

You’ve got to clear your card/save for a deposit, but you can blow £350 on a silly invite that you shouldn’t have accepted? You go HALVES on coffee? He paid for Gaucho, it’s then pretty shocking to split the cost of a coffee.

If you didn’t want to be a user, you could at least have paid for the cheaper dates, which were within your budget. Not split the cheap stuff and freeload for the expensive stuff.

I think you’ve both dodged a bullet for different reasons tbh.

OP - some posters here forget that it’s ok to have different attitudes to dating and paying for dates. Why is it always ‘my way is the only right way’? The good thing is: the older you get the less you’ll care how others will tell you to think.
If some posters live by 50/50 rule - good for them. If some see you as a freeloader - let them. That’s their problem.
Don’t be bullied and shamed into changing your boundaries just because they don’t work for others.

Yeah everyone teach your sons it's ok for a woman to expect them to pay for the bulk of dating expenses

No wonder women end up run ragged when letting a man take you for a meal and paying for it is considered ‘freeloading’. It is not unheard of for men to pay for romantic getaways either. When I was dating my husband he printed out all the details of a trip he’d booked (and paid for) as a suprise and tied it with a red ribbon as a gift. If the guy doesn’t want to date you in he will stop asking you out. Nobody’s holding a gun to their heads.

Thank you x 🙏🏽

Exactly.

I truly can’t believe people are calling me freeloaders here! Blimey!

You called him tight, even though he has paid for all your dates, and you said that men should pursue women.
You sound grabby to me.

Your debts are irrelevant.

I’m totally cringing for you latching in so hard to anyone who agrees. There is a whole different between partners occasionally treating each other and someone making the other pay for every date months in.

that’s free loading. That’s grabby, and you’re on here slagging him off as he wouldn’t pay more for you.

good luck finding someone to pay for you op.

@Flutterbye22

I truly can’t believe people are calling me freeloaders here! Blimey!

Hopefully you've now received what you needed when you opened your thread, OP, and can now ignore the more goady comments or just hide the thread?

I'm glad your friend apologised: hopefully you can both move on from this and stay amicable colleagues. 🌹

When did I call him tight? And he hasn’t paid for all of our dates if you actually read properly 😉

does calling other women grabby make you feel better about yourself @GennyGennyGenny sorry you are so angry at the world hun

Thank you so very much!

Yes, it’s time to end this thread. Lots of lessons learnt here. We have both apologised to one another and will continue on as friends putting this experience behind us!

He was very tight indeed, and he was making me feel bad for spending money on me!

and paying for entrance to a castle isn’t the same as paying your way,

Hun.

What about if you drove said person to castle (which was an hour away) bought the tickets, and also covered the cost of lunch, bought said person a gift and baked for them as well. Still think I’m a free-loader?

I think not.

We’re still friends too - so I think he’ll disagree with you as well!

maybe you’re just a bit jealous that someone is willing to be so nice to me! I’m lucky, and I’m thankful to him! Nice things happen to nice people.

sorry you’re so bitter!

this post was about a trip to Greece for his friends wedding - not for you to call me a freeloader and judge me.