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Original poster

Is he embarrassed by me?

461 replies

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:09

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 29/04/2023 06:43

Wow, just wow. Anyone saying he wants to keep his home and work life separate - come on. That’s completely different to your wife turning up in a pub you’re drinking in and you are angry she comes over to say hi. What was she meant to do, just pretend she didn’t know him? He’s completely out of order and this isn’t something I’d be able to push under the carpet. The fact he thinks you’re the one in the wrong says it all. I’d be livid, he’s got some cheek thinking he’s the one who has been wronged, unbelievable

CJsGoldfish · 29/04/2023 06:47

That's not keeping his 'work life' separate. That is simply nasty OP.
Curious as to whether there were any women in the group?

SparklyBlackKitten · 29/04/2023 06:49

Actually what I didnt see was that you stayed for almost an hour.. which is pretty invasive . You should have just said hi and stayed to talk for a few minutes and then let him be.

Plus the fact you went to the same place where you knew he was going to be is kinda strange...

But that still doesn't change the fact he is a di ck.

Thoughtful2355 · 29/04/2023 06:53

okay something is really really Odd about this :S cant imagine my husband thinking i was an embarressment, i could understand if you were really drunk and acting stupid but doesnt sound like you were. The fact that some people WHO he goes drinking with didnt know he had a wife is definitely a red flag, it means when theyve asked him personal questions he has never mentioned anything to do with home or his wife

Daffodilwoman · 29/04/2023 06:53

I’d go out for the day. Don’t do any cooking for him. Do not wash or iron any of his clothes. Stop all that immediately. If he asks “What’s for dinner?” Say “Wtf are you asking me? I’m not your wife, am I?”
No way would I let this slide. Start protecting yourself op. I’d start planning a life without him. Contact family and friends to make plans and keep yourself busy. This has red flag city. He died today deserve you. Don’t let him gaslight you over this.

ExpatInSlavikLand · 29/04/2023 06:53

aloris · 29/04/2023 05:12

That's a really strange and somewhat paranoid reaction. The normal reaction would be to come over and say hi, introduce everyone round, chat for a few minutes, and then continue on with your separate social events. I suppose you could combine groups but work outings are often about industry chat and can be very boring.

Show quote history

Sorry @HoppingPavlova , @aloris is right, it's a bit of a reach to assume there's a stalking issue going on there based on a single occurrence, especially as we don't know where OP lives and where her husband assumedly works, and how many bars and pubs are in her area. My 'home village' has 3, for instance, so it wouldn't be surprising to bump into someone I know on a night out.

My husband and his bestie even accidentally bumped into me on my hen night, as they didn't expect us to be in that particular pub, and we all happily had a drink together and posed for photos, I certainly didn't screech at him for ruining my 'last night of freedom' and girls' night out or anything!

Daffodilwoman · 29/04/2023 06:54

Doesn’t not died. Although if my dh spoke to me like that then the word died would probably come into it……

VaddaABeetch · 29/04/2023 06:55

Your husband has treated you with contempt.

once contempt enters a relationship theres’s no going back.

Wfhandbored · 29/04/2023 07:01

If he wakes up this morning and isn't full of heartfelt apologies and embarrassment I would be packing him a bag. Even if he is it's time for some really serious conversations because that is completely awful behaviour

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 29/04/2023 07:01

So many questions....

Was he as rude to his SIL too?
How long has he worked there? If only a few months I could understand colleagues not knowing about you yet.
You said some of his colleagues didn't know about you. Does this mean some of them did?
Did you know where he was going to be drinking and deliberately go there to seek him out? I personally wouldn't have done that.
Did you just go over to say hello, or did you insert yourself for an hour? He was out with colleagues, not you, and you shouldn't have imposed for that long.
Does he wear a wedding ring and keep it on at work?

For the record I think he was incredibly rude from what info you have provided and I would be questioning the relationship. I'd definitely want to talk about it more when he was sober to get his thoughts. The one thing that has be wondering is that when you introduced yourself to colleagues as his wife, some of them said "are you sure?" That's a weird response and makes me think he has told them he's single.

FredaFox · 29/04/2023 07:05

I don't think you should have stayed an hour but going over for 5 mins to say hi is fine
Has he told his colleagues he is single? Does he wear a ring?
He sounds an arse tbh and if you are too embarrassing why is he with you

Caloriecount24042023 · 29/04/2023 07:11

You’d be wasting your life if you stay married to this vile human being. Leave asap.

Pollydolly13 · 29/04/2023 07:11

Does he socialise with them a lot? Is it a male environment, where they are possibly hoping to meet women on a night out.
Did he say this straight away or after a long amount of time? Maybe he felt like his worlds collided and didn’t like it? I think if you were there a long time/ drunk you may have overstepped.
However his communication is awful I’m intrigued by what was said that he found embarrassing. Also would consider cocaine use because of his reaction.
Did none of them know about you? If so that’s a massive red flag and so hurtful.

UseOfWeapons · 29/04/2023 07:15

🚩🚩🚩
Get the hell out of the relationship. It’s not going to go well, if it ever really has.

Livebythecoast · 29/04/2023 07:20

This is really hurtful OP. I wonder when you say you were there an hour, do you mean you stood/sat with them for an hour or you just went over and said hi but were in the pub for an hour? Either way, it was a nasty reaction and one I would find hard to forgive.

piedbeauty · 29/04/2023 07:23

Fucking hell.

He sounds insane.

Has he ever mentioned before that he keeps work and home separate? Did you know he'd never mentioned you - or his dc?? - at work.

It seems such a huge overreaction that I'd be rethinking my entire relationship. Is everything else ok?

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 07:23

If my partner ever behaved that way to me, and spoke to me like that, he would be sleeping elsewhere. What a cunt.

MrsPerfect12 · 29/04/2023 07:27

Do they know he has a child? Where
does he say he is when he's on holiday?
He's pretending he's single and keeping his options open. Is he a prize in other areas too?
or is he perfect but only if everything is his way?
I can't comprehend his colleagues not knowing he is married for any good reason.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 29/04/2023 07:29

On the surface this seems extremely rude and odd but can I ask a couple of brutal questions? Well, some not so brutal!

How long has he worked there and is it a big team? I haven't always known colleagues' personal circs. Did some know he was married and some not, or all under the distinct impression he was single? When did he start getting shirty, straight away? How was he with SIL? Did you stay with them for an hour or in the bar for an hour?

Brutal bit but could be pertinent: honestly, were you messy drunk, loud, dominating the conversation or inappropriate? Not shaming you if so, and I'm not assuming you were. But it could be an explanation (not an excuse).

The thing that makes me ask is when you say 'his colleagues said I wasn't an embarrassment'. So either he berated you loudly enough for them to hear, a propos of nothing, or your behaviour embarrassed him, he expressed this, and you were asking workmates whether you were an embarrassment. Again, he shouldn't have told you to fuck off even if you'd had too much but there's a difference.

Strangelisa · 29/04/2023 07:34

I’d be really upset OP. His comments are really unforgivable. It will be interesting to see what bullshit comments he comes up with this morning. Nothing short of a groveling apology would work for me.

pictoosh · 29/04/2023 07:37

I'm pretty open mouthed at this one. How fucking obnoxious is your man there?

Is he often disparaging and disrespectful to you?

WeeblesWobbled · 29/04/2023 07:38

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:15

Yep, they were like are you sure...
I feel so hurt, I'm so proud of him, show him off at every opportunity.

Sorry? I don't understand. Who said "are you sure?" and what did they mean? Did they not believe you were his wife?

I find this almost unbelievable and feel so sorry for you. What is wrong with some of these DH's? There are so many tossers out there. Surely you can't stay with him? Please say you're going to LTB.

icelollycraving · 29/04/2023 07:40

It’s odd he hasn’t said he’s married, I’d assume either a very new job or he’s looking to be acting single.
Also odd is that you & your sil joined them for an hour when presumably it was uncomfortable. Was it a mix of men and women?
If his colleagues started saying you weren’t embarrassing or whatever, did this turn into a domestic row in front of them? That would be embarrassing tbh. I bet the group chat is going mad.
So your sil saw this play out, she will have told her husband too. Messy.
You say you are proud of him and show him off, is there like a pp asked a bit of a gap in your attractiveness? It doesn’t give him the go ahead to be such a wanker but may be a reason (to him).
How awful for you, and how awkward for the people watching this play out last night.

Fraaahnces · 29/04/2023 07:42

Managing a kid as a single dad is going to upset his “work”/life balance even more. Utter prick of a man. Don’t you dare let him minimize this. You are not an invisible human being and everyone deserves better than his. Sexist shithead. He would be coming home to a very empty house.

WeeblesWobbled · 29/04/2023 07:43

Mammalys · 29/04/2023 01:56

I'm not usually the type to jump to the cheating conclusion... but the ONLY explanation that makes sense to me is that his colleagues don't know about you so that he can play the field at work with female colleagues. It honestly is the only thing that makes sense. Especially if he currently HAS a relationship with someone at work that they all know about already....

I agree! OP's sudden appearance at their night out is probably going to be the main subject of office gossip come Monday morning. If there is a woman involved she might be shocked to the core to learn that he is married.