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Original poster

Is he embarrassed by me?

461 replies

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:09

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

OP posts:
MayThe4th · 04/05/2023 07:33

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 05:40

His colleagues are a bit thick if they didn’t realise he was married

and yet the Op says he wears his wedding ring

I suspect he goes out wearing his wedding ring, and comes home wearing his wedding ring. IYSWIM.

DunkingMyDonuts · 04/05/2023 07:34

The fact he apparently "doesn't know" why he acted like that raises more questions than before 🤔 that's just weird.

Glad he realises a little of how he's made you feel though and you're mulling things over. No point jumping to conclusions when he hasn't even explained things yet.

Truth will out, at some point.

Rhubarbandtoast · 04/05/2023 07:44

@MayThe4th
”I suspect he goes out wearing his wedding ring, and comes home wearing his wedding ring. IYSWIM.”

This^

PaintedEgg · 04/05/2023 08:02

Even if he wears his wedding ring and we assume his colleagues were not paying attention - they may have not known if he has never mention he has a wife

and like everyone else I dont believe for a second he "doesn't know" - every time a bloke "does not know" why he acted the way he did he knows exactly why and he knows it would get him in even bigger trouble.

Has anyone here ever told someone, let alone their spouse, to f off and couldn't say why?

Bamboozleme · 04/05/2023 08:18

MayThe4th · 04/05/2023 07:33

I suspect he goes out wearing his wedding ring, and comes home wearing his wedding ring. IYSWIM.

Show quote history

He’s been there for years!

MRex · 04/05/2023 08:27

Anonymous881 · 03/05/2023 13:46

Been quiet as I've been mulling things over and trying to understand why it happened.
He doesn't know why his colleagues didn't know about me as he's said he's been open and honest. He wears a ring too.
We've had some lengthy conversations, he's said he's 'embarrassed by his awful behaviour and is so sorry he's hurt me and there is no excuse for it', also said he's willing to make up for it and never wants to make me feel this way again.
Think of it as you will but I am willing to let him try, (I'm a bit cautious, naturally) but seeing how it's hurt him by how he's hurt me I think he's genuinely sorry and embarrassed.

Oh dear. He is hurt. Poor sweary pretending to be single man. You aren't allowed to even be hurt, he must be the hurt one. And you're falling in line. Save the thread for next time OP, see if the next incident brings you more clarity as to the type of man you've married

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 04/05/2023 08:31

He might be sorry and embarrassed but he still hasn't given you even an inkling of an explanation which he owes you. He's withholding that.

Fuerza · 04/05/2023 08:33

So he wants you to have no visible reaction to him openly treating you like you don't exist.

@@Anonymous881 if this situation were theoretical would you tolerate it. That helped me at times. When I was younger. If your friend told you this, would you be shocked that she didn't end things?

You have to be allowed to have a reaction to being treated badly. otherwise you'll get eroded over time. If you train yourself to have no reaction to being treated badly then over time you become less certain of your own interpretation of events, which is, in this case that you were treated badly

WeeblesWobbled · 04/05/2023 08:36

PaintedEgg · 04/05/2023 08:02

Even if he wears his wedding ring and we assume his colleagues were not paying attention - they may have not known if he has never mention he has a wife

and like everyone else I dont believe for a second he "doesn't know" - every time a bloke "does not know" why he acted the way he did he knows exactly why and he knows it would get him in even bigger trouble.

Has anyone here ever told someone, let alone their spouse, to f off and couldn't say why?

No but if I’m honest I have sort of said it. I told a family member who I felt had pulled my strings to eff off and I did it in front of younger relatives. The person went crazy and I was so embarrassed that I’d sworn in front of kids that I apologised and said I didn’t know why I did it (a lie that didn’t really feel like a lie). He’s lying.

PaintedEgg · 04/05/2023 08:50

WeeblesWobbled · 04/05/2023 08:36

No but if I’m honest I have sort of said it. I told a family member who I felt had pulled my strings to eff off and I did it in front of younger relatives. The person went crazy and I was so embarrassed that I’d sworn in front of kids that I apologised and said I didn’t know why I did it (a lie that didn’t really feel like a lie). He’s lying.

Show quote history

exactly! a lot of people lied about it (often a white lie - such as in your case), but its never a case of someone not knowing why

I am a bit biased though because my ex used to pull shit like this. He never knew why he swore, why he was rude, stupid bastard didnt even know why he cheated, you'd think he was lobotomised, and the situation OP described really reminded me of some of his reactions

getting caught, panicking, reacting by attacking me and then saying he didn't know why he did something - if this post was written 5 years ago I'd think I wrote it

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 04/05/2023 08:53

@Anonymous881 Something similar happened to me in the first year of marriage. It also looked like my DH was embarrassed by me (although he didn't tell me to fuck off).

I don't know how I got over that. But I did. And we have been married for 22 years now. He was never abusive, just selfish BUT he matured not long after that. Since then I have become disabled and he is my biggest support. He is loyal to a fault (I think because he feels guilty of his early behaviour in our relationship). I wouldn't want to grow old with anyone else.

Only you can decide what's best for you. He treated you appallingly and I'm sorry you had to g through that x

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