Page 4 | Is he embarrassed by me?

Anonymous881 · 2023-04-29T00:09:40+00:00

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

IDontWantToBeAPie · 29/04/2023 05:32

OP - as devils advocate - were you sloppy drunk? Were you exaggerated screeching or slobbish on him? Grabbing and kissing etc?

If not he's likely being an arse but try and talk it out tomorrow.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 29/04/2023 05:34

HoppingPavlova · 29/04/2023 05:05

There is no way your DH speaking to you like that is acceptable, absolutely not.

I do find the whole scenario odd though. If I was out with colleagues and one of their spouses ‘just happened’ to come to the same place I’d feel sorry and mortified for them as I’d assume some sort of stalking/domestic abuse. I’m not embarrassed by DH and assume he’s not embarrassed by me and our colleagues know we are married etc, but if I went out and found by dumb luck it was where he was with friends or colleagues, no way I’d go over say hi and try and join in. I’d quietly make an exit and go somewhere else so I wouldn’t be perceived as stalking him. I’d expect him to do the same in such a scenario.

This is weird.

First of all they may live in a small town. Where I went to uni there were maybe 4 places to go out. So it's likely you'd bump into each other.

Also no way would I just ignore my partner in a club. We're in love! Of course I'd go say hi.

ThatFraggle · 29/04/2023 05:35

IDontWantToBeAPie · 29/04/2023 05:30

The only way I'd imagine my partner saying that is if I was sloppy drunk

But they would know he was married. Unless op is constantly drunk, morning and night and that's why he didn't want to say he's married.

I can understand being embarrassed if your drunk spouse came over to your work friends and vomitted on your bosses shoes, but I'm sure OP would have mentioned it if something like that was the case.

Lsquiggles · 29/04/2023 05:40

By ruining his work life balance I'd assume he means he's shagging his way through the office and hasn't disclosed that he's married as it suits his agenda

Sorry OP, you sound like a nice person and you don't deserve this

mischlerischler · 29/04/2023 05:42

Where some of his co workers women? He sounds awful. You are not an embarrassment, if anything he is.

MRex · 29/04/2023 05:46

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 02:27

Thanks all.
I've imposed on his evening (we were there not even an hour), I'm embarrassing and he's furious. I've ruined his work life balance.
I am so stunned that this has happened, I thought that everything was great.

I'm sorry you're married to a very unpleasant man, who is most likely trying to have affairs. I don't know that there can be any coming back from this, because he's shown you his character now. You deserve so much better.

MRex · 29/04/2023 05:49

if I went out and found by dumb luck it was where he was with friends or colleagues, no way I’d go over say hi and try and join in. I’d quietly make an exit and go somewhere else
This is really strange behaviour. My work colleagues and friends are all perfectly able to talk to my DH, and vice versa. If he was out just with his old college mates then I would potentially chat briefly and leave them to it, though in the past I've had a few nights out with them too. They are all just people.

YukoandHiro · 29/04/2023 05:51

Oh OP what an awful thing to happen.

If it's out of the blue I know this is hard, but honestly I really think that one incident is grounds for separation. Your husband should be proud to be with you, excited to introduce you to his friends.

Most of all that's what you DESERVE.

I'm glad your SIL witnessed this. What did she say? Do you think she'll chat to your BIL about it?

YukoandHiro · 29/04/2023 05:52

"His colleagues said I wasn't an embarrassment at all"

Of course! He sounds like he's made himself look like a complete dick in front of them all too, if a colleague of mine behaved like that to their partner I would give them a wide berth from then on

Roselilly36 · 29/04/2023 05:53

Unforgivable, to treat you so badly. He sounds very mean, he must look a total idiot in the eyes of his colleagues, I can just imagine what they are saying, but that is caused by his behaviour not yours. I don’t think I could move on from that tbh. Good luck OP.

MayThe4th · 29/04/2023 06:01

I suspect there is more to this. I just don’t believe that someone would openly tell their wife to fuck off in front of colleagues and family and for that to have come out of nowhere. And the whole “I show him off at every opportunity,” what’s that about?

If this is real it sounds as if the op went over and essentially inserted herself into their evening. I mean going over and saying hi is one thing, settling down for an hour is quite another. It would be like all colleagues going out one partner being there.

If a woman posted that she went on a night out and her husband turned up people would say that was a red flag for controlling behaviour. So I can see PP’s point on that.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 29/04/2023 06:04

MayThe4th · 29/04/2023 06:01

I suspect there is more to this. I just don’t believe that someone would openly tell their wife to fuck off in front of colleagues and family and for that to have come out of nowhere. And the whole “I show him off at every opportunity,” what’s that about?

If this is real it sounds as if the op went over and essentially inserted herself into their evening. I mean going over and saying hi is one thing, settling down for an hour is quite another. It would be like all colleagues going out one partner being there.

If a woman posted that she went on a night out and her husband turned up people would say that was a red flag for controlling behaviour. So I can see PP’s point on that.

That doesn't excuse him pretending to be single. His colleagues didn't think she was inappropriate at all

Stephhh87 · 29/04/2023 06:09

aloris · 29/04/2023 05:12

That's a really strange and somewhat paranoid reaction. The normal reaction would be to come over and say hi, introduce everyone round, chat for a few minutes, and then continue on with your separate social events. I suppose you could combine groups but work outings are often about industry chat and can be very boring.

Show quote history

If I saw my DH at a night out or vice Versa I think we would both find it strange to not say hi and introduce each other?! We wouldn’t just leave avoid each other completely. I’d find that odd.

electriclight · 29/04/2023 06:11

He sounds awful. I was married for a long time and the only job where he kept me hidden was when he was starting an affair.

But. I do think you both need to discuss it in the morning when completely sober and calm. We were not there and it is possible, I suppose, that you overstated your welcome and some of his colleagues were eye rolling at the fact that you were still with them after an hour. I know you said that they all said that you weren't embarrassing but they weren't likely to say 'yes' in front of you when directly asked. No excuse for his awful treatment of you, but if you were a bit tipsy or loud and essentially gatecrashed for an hour (longer if he hadn't told you to leave?) then there is some context there.

FannyFifer · 29/04/2023 06:13

Wow, what a piece of work.

ZekeZeke · 29/04/2023 06:15

If you were pised drunk, being sloppy loud and belligerent and gatecrashed your husbands work night out and plonked youself down with his colleagues for an hour then I could understand his outburst.

InWalksBarberalla · 29/04/2023 06:20

HoppingPavlova · 29/04/2023 05:05

There is no way your DH speaking to you like that is acceptable, absolutely not.

I do find the whole scenario odd though. If I was out with colleagues and one of their spouses ‘just happened’ to come to the same place I’d feel sorry and mortified for them as I’d assume some sort of stalking/domestic abuse. I’m not embarrassed by DH and assume he’s not embarrassed by me and our colleagues know we are married etc, but if I went out and found by dumb luck it was where he was with friends or colleagues, no way I’d go over say hi and try and join in. I’d quietly make an exit and go somewhere else so I wouldn’t be perceived as stalking him. I’d expect him to do the same in such a scenario.

I think this is super strange. I ran into muy husband on a work night out once at a pub. He was on his way to a gig and was meeting some mates and I was there with my colleagues.
I actually felt a bit sorry for him because my colleagues bombarded him and he is on the introverted side. I was very happy to see him though and would have been pretty offended if he snuck off instread of coming over to say hello

hattie43 · 29/04/2023 06:25

He's having an affair and his colleagues know about it . A wife turning up that they know nothing of is a massive red flag . I know the marital status of all my colleagues.
There is no other logical explanation for what's happened . His anger is because he's been caught out .

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 06:30

He’s chatting up someone at work. Or he’s doing something he is embarrassed of. Or he’s slated you. Either way he is a liar and you are seeing his real dace.

I don’t know what he could do to make it ok from here- the basic respect is lacking. I wouldn’t be cooling ir cleaning for him

marmiteandminticecream · 29/04/2023 06:33

@HoppingPavlova i'd find it weird if i was out with a friend and she said her husband was here and then left without speaking to him
i would be thinking there were problems in the marriage not stalking

Stratusinium · 29/04/2023 06:34

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 02:59

His colleagues said I wasn't an embarrassment at all

Wow not only did he say that, but loud enough for his colleagues to hear.

How can there be a reasonable explanation for that.

Grrrpredictivetex · 29/04/2023 06:35

He's a total knob and we'd be having strong words early this morning. If there was no apology he'd be out on his ear by lunchtime. Sorry this has happened to you @Anonymous881

Boughtitdownthemarket · 29/04/2023 06:37

He's not a nice man, OP. You need to confront him about this. Don't let it lie. But if my husband described me as an embarrassment, I think it would be over.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 29/04/2023 06:40

Back in the day I was sometimes out with work, exDH also out with work, sometimes we bumped into one another and it was never a problem. Small town with one club and it was bound to happen. It only became a problem me bumping into his work colleagues when he was playing away and clearly didn't want them dropping him in it.

ExpatInSlavikLand · 29/04/2023 06:42

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 02:46

His brothers wife, we're really close.
Never ever doubted his loyalty until tonight and reading honest comments.
It was said loud enough and I was told by some I am moan embarrassment.

So not only did he say these things, he said them loud enough for other people to hear you. He's publicly humiliated you, deliberately, and thinks YOU are in the wrong??

His cruel behaviour may be a sign that there are sides to him you had never (or perhaps chose to never) seen before.

I'm so sorry, dear OP.