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Original poster

Is he embarrassed by me?

461 replies

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:09

So.... Not sure what to think so after opinions please... I went out with my sister in law for drinks, my husband was out with his work colleagues, we saw them and wend over to say hi, I introduced myself to them,, he was so cross and didn't speak to me and told me to F off as I was embarrassing him... We've been married for 8 years and together for 10. I'm not sure how to even take this reaction, never experienced it with him before. Some of his colleagues didn't even know about me, am I being 'over sensitive' or should I be seeing some red flags...

OP posts:
Milkbottle2000 · 29/04/2023 14:38

TheMarsian · 29/04/2023 14:12

I agree about contempt and huge red flags.

And he can’t explain why he was angry because he knows fully well the reason isn’t one you will gladly accept…

He was angry because he's ashamed of his wife , she's not attractive enough to fit the persona he's built at work. He's a prick that doesn't deserve you/

I know at least 1 man like him, has the wife at home and child, but has this persona at work that he literally dates models and is a real Jack the Lad . The man in question is in my office. The exact thing sort of happened with him too. During a lunch time drink, man's wife came over with screaming kid. She was NOTHING like the type of woman he made out he was attracted to, we didn't even know he was married as he never talked about her, had no idea he had a kid. He was mortified as we all watched her ask if he wanted steak and kidney pie for his tea later, he made no effort to introduce her, so she had to introduce herself.

We all felt sorry for his wife being married to such a prick and he had a rep as being a bit of a dickhead, cemented after the lunch time incident.

Fuerza · 29/04/2023 14:45

hAS He brought it up today? It will be interesting to see if he brings it up. Resist the temptation to bring it up immediately. I would be interested to see what his narrative is the next day. Will he know he has to try and re-frame his comments. Will he try to excuse his behaviour saying he'd had too much to drink? ie, acknowledging that he did behave badly? or will he stick to the narrative that you embarrassed him

PrincessScarlett · 29/04/2023 14:46

The fact he cannot explain why he's embarrassed/angry is because you won't like the reason he gives.

To not mention he has a wife (and child) makes me think, as others have said, that he had led everyone at work to believe he is single and is potentially (at best) behaving as a single man when out with work colleagues.

StrandedStarfish · 29/04/2023 14:48

I think only your husband comes across badly in this. He has shamed himself in front of his wife, family and colleagues. I wonder what story he is going to tell his workmates on Monday. I would imagine you. Will be the stalker STBex, and SIL is friend who eggs you on.

FuckNuggets · 29/04/2023 14:51

Nottodayy · 29/04/2023 13:17

I would not go to my DHs when he is out with mates. I’m just plainly shy and I wouldn’t like it myself.
At his last Xmas party he was at local restaurant, having a fun with his mates, I was walking outside from the shops, passing this venue and I would never dream to even be seen outside .. Why would I?

What? Why? 🧐

Irritateandunreasonable · 29/04/2023 15:13

They didn’t know about you? Highly suspicious…

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 15:13

This is probably another nail in the coffin. There will be a tense silence, before OP grudgingly forgives him due to miney, having kids and being trapped. There will be more nails, OP will get a job and start gaining independence so that by the time the affair is revealed there will be no love left, just anger and resentment. She will gather her strength and go through with the divorce, make new friends have a new and better relationship and soon he will be a stranger that visits once a week.

I say this because sadly, this is the most likely outcome. There will be no moment of realisation and forgiveness, he won’t change and OP will be a sad shadow of herself. OP sorry, I hope you gather your strength and dignity and realise you are worth so much more. Dn’t let him get you down.

Bamboozleme · 29/04/2023 15:21

@AngelinaFibres

anywhere near his white shirt and cream levis outfit

honestly, on the basis of his outfit alone, he did you a huge huge favour

HarrietStyles · 29/04/2023 15:33

Anonymous881 · 29/04/2023 01:15

Yep, they were like are you sure...
I feel so hurt, I'm so proud of him, show him off at every opportunity.

Did his colleagues say “Are you sure?” When you introduced yourself as his wife? If so this is the biggest 🚩 to me. If he’d just never mentioned you before, then the normal reaction would be “he never mentioned he had a wife” or “he kept that quiet”. The fact they asked if you were sure, suggests that what you are saying conflicts with what they believed to be the truth. He either said he is single or acts like he was single.

billy1966 · 29/04/2023 15:34

I would never want to recover or get over the absolute nastiness of his behaviour.

He made a show of himself.

If you think someone could behave like that and you believe them when they say they love you🙄, then god help you.

To remain married to someone who would speaks to you like that must be to have a complete absence of any shed of self esteem or respect.

I feel desperately sorry for your child.

Tell your family and friends what happened.

If I witnessed such behaviour from a colleague I would think your husband is absolute scum.

That he thinks an apology can fix this just shows how utterly dim he believes you to be.

billy1966 · 29/04/2023 15:36

Of course his fury is because he has led colleagues to believe he is single and has likely been unfaithful.

cakewench · 29/04/2023 15:43

I can't believe the 'maybe he wants to keep work and life separate' reasons. I keep work and life separate; I don't tell people at work my life problems, when someone is ill or whatever. But we do have "oh how was your weekend/ holiday?" moments and how the hell does someone talk about their weekend or holiday without mentioning their spouse? Like they probably don't know his name but they will know because my responses are always "oh lovely, we went to xyz" etc.

If I were going out of my way to claim "I" alone did things (I went on holiday etc) that's such a purposeful omission and I would think there's a reason for that.

FWIW, no marriage is perfect and I'll never claim mine is even close, but we've been married almost 20 years and if I randomly came across my husband with a group of his colleagues in a pub he'd think it was a hilarious coincidence and introduce me to everyone, if they happened to be ones I hadn't met before. I would do the same if the positions were reversed. That's a normal reaction. "omg who is this woman?" is absolutely insane and he should be groveling before you right now.

Winter2020 · 29/04/2023 15:44

The only thing that makes sense to me is that he is after someone at work who either doesn’t know about you or thinks “his wife doesn’t understand him/you live separate lives/are only together for the children…” take your pick.

Then you show up “Hi lovely hubby/ hi everyone….” and blow his bullshit apart

FortofPud · 29/04/2023 15:44

He isn't embarrassed because you did anything wrong. He's embarrassed because he has let work folks think he is single and then suddenly his wife appears out of nowhere. That is embarrassing because it makes him look a right tit and will leave people laughing at him and questioning why he'd hide his wife, but it's all on him and not you. He has however taken it out on you, perhaps because he'd had a drink. He feels bad the next day for being awful to you but nothing can change how embarrassing it was for him. What a bed he has made for himself!

grayhairdontcare · 29/04/2023 15:48

You set the tone on the type of behaviour that you will tolerate from him now op.
If you sweep this away ,as though it didn't happen then , in his eyes you would tolerate anything.

Lsquiggles · 29/04/2023 16:00

Whether he was drunk or not to say those things and whether you were drunk or not, his colleagues had no idea that you or your child existed! Your husband is living a double life, he has no respect for the life you have together. What other secrets is he keeping from you?

I couldn't stand another second in his presence for the lies or the way he spoke to you.

Sinamin · 29/04/2023 16:01

He's a grade A rat, OP. I'm sorry.

I find this bit interesting though -

We were in the bar for an hour, i was told to F off as soon as I got there, his colleagues asked who I was, I explained who. I could see he wasn't pleased I was there so me and SIL walked away to another area, they then came over and talked to us, male and female colleagues.

So his colleagues were perfectly happy to socialise and in fact sought you out once they knew who you were but your husband still wasn't happy? That's just bizarre of him and for me it proves that you weren't any sort of drunken mess as has been suggested by a few previous posters as if you were they'd have been running in the opposite direction.

Starlitestarbright · 29/04/2023 16:15

Hes definitely a shady character. My dh ever hidden me at work mates. I suspect he's being unfaithful and has portrayed a particular image at work. What did your sil say?

Skodacool · 29/04/2023 16:26

Inkpotlover · 29/04/2023 10:50

It's really quite astonishing the amount of posters (who I am presuming are women) intent on making out it must've been OP's fault that her DH told her to FO in front of his colleagues in a public place. 🙄 There's no bloody excusing such shitty behaviour!

Show quote history

I agree, I can’t believe anyone could justify such behaviour. Apart from the absolute rudeness DH is saying that he has the right to dictate where OP can socialise. Supposing OP had told him to FO?

pfftt · 29/04/2023 16:32

He obviously wants people or a person to think he's single. He hasn't even mentioned you. Think about it. He has not even mentioned you exist. How long has he been at the company? I am so sorry but it reeks of h being a player.

His colleagues came over to talk to you? Yep. They were definitely checking you out to figure out what the hell is going on that this apparently single colleague is actually married.

IncompleteSenten · 29/04/2023 16:37

There's a reason his colleagues don't know you exist and that reason is probably female.

PlinkPlonkFizz · 29/04/2023 17:01

IncompleteSenten · 29/04/2023 16:37

There's a reason his colleagues don't know you exist and that reason is probably female.

Or gay.

chocolatehoovering · 29/04/2023 17:07

How long has he been at that job OP?

You've got to be pretty deceitful/determined to never mention the fact you have a wife and child, to the extent colleagues ask "are you sure?" when they finally meet you.
How does it not slip out at some point? "My kid did this..." "WE have just come back from holiday". "Yeah, my wife likes that show too".
I have never gone round asking colleagues if they have a partner/are married/have children - those questions are a bit of a minefield if you aren't careful - but you get to know pretty soon what people's family circumstances are just through general chit chat.
Somebody really has to make an effort not to let it split out.

Too right he's embarrassed. And he should be. His deceit has finally caught up with him.

azlazee1 · 29/04/2023 17:09

Red Flags all over the place. Were there any other women in his group? Wondering why him having a wife is shocker to some of the group. What he did to you is just awful and undeserving. I wouldn't let this drop until I got some answers from him. Good Luck to you.

GatoradeMeBitch · 29/04/2023 17:32

If you're in a marriage where you are not allowed to acknowledge your spouse as you walk past them while you're out, you don't have a marriage. I can't imagine seeing anyone I know and ignoring them, even work colleagues I don't particularly like.

It sounds like he either is embarrassed of you, or he's compartmentalizing you - for him to have a negative reaction in front of his colleagues I can only imagine he'd been lying about something. Maybe he told them he's single, maybe he told them he's dating a swedish supermodel nuclear physicist... Whatever is going on, you need answers so that you know where you stand.

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