DH burst through a locked door. In also to blame

[Burstdoor]

Just trying to get this all down fairly quickly after it has happened. I'm upstairs needing a quiet five mins and my head is all over the place.

Our son 3.5 is a poo witholder and it is particularly bad right now. I am absolutely exhausted right now, and I guess I'm just so fed up with the witholding that I just lost patience.

So I had DS on the toilet and I showed him the poo goes to pooland app. My son was getting upset even watching it because he would likely do a poo if he did. So he was crying and saying he wanted daddy. Usually we give him 10 mins of sitting time then take him off. But I felt DS was sooooo close to pooping that I went and locked the door so my husband couldn't come in and take our son off the toilet. Son was crying for daddy saying he wanted off. DH tried the door and found it to be locked. He told me to unlock it and I said no.
Next thing I know he has punched the door in and the sort of frame where the lock was joine to has broken off the doorway.
Obviously this was scary to DS who was crying a lot at this point. I took ds off the toilet and there was a bit of soft poop around his bum so got it cleaned but I'm so fucked off because clearly he was close to doing a full poo and this whole episode has fucked it now AND our son is confused as to why daddy broke the door.
We downplayed the whole thing and have said daddy is naughty. DH has apologised.
But I messaged my mum and she's just telling me both are in the wrong.
I feel like, yes my action of locking the door and refusing to unlock it wasn't great but that doesn't mean it's ok to fucking smash through it in desperation to get to DS?

You're not the first one to say "there was a poo about to come". How would op know? And how can anyone be "distracted" out of pooing if the urge was genuinely there? 🤔

I think the OP has probably got everything she's going to get from this thread now.

1. years of experience of their child’s bowel movements.
2. that’s what witholders do. They withhold unless the conditions are absolutely perfect and sometimes even then.

I don't think 10 minutes of crying suggest perfect conditions, really.

The way I read it, DH has a habit of ignoring the methods OP is trying (which are following medical advice) and taking DS off the loo instead, undermining her hard work. OP was desperately worried as DS hasn't pooed for ten days, the poo just started to emerge, when DH came to the door. In an attempt to ensure DS wasn't stopped from pooing by DH ignoring her, as usual, and taking him off the loo, she quickly locked the door.
Instead of listening to her explanation through the door, DH smashed the lock.

Of course OP should not have locked the door, but it's very stressful and difficult when the other parent is sabotaging painstakingly difficult work and a child's health is at stake.

Well few children love sitting on the toilet, but it has to happen. Look up the information sheets from any children’s hospital for the paediatric incontinence service if you’d like more information. Or just Google children withholding or soiling or constipation. Not ensuring your child sits regularly is a disaster in this situation, and the OP has made clear they try to make it pleasant. What is your comment trying to prove exactly? Have you ever had a child who has an impactation?

Well, no, to be fair.

I find this thread so weird. This isn’t what your doctor has told you to do to help your son is it?

what exactly did your husband do to the door? If it’s the type of flimsy lock that a hard push can release, then you might have exaggerated the situation a bit. If he kicked in the door, then he sounds unhinged and was obviously going through a fit of rage

i would take a back seat with this situation and get your husband to take over the monitoring. It’s clearly a point of contention and frankly, I get the impression that your husband doesn’t care as much as you do about it. He seems to be indifferent whether your son does a shit or not, whereas you’re on a mission.

I feel like you’re setting your son up for a lifetime of mental health issues if he has to continue to witness things like this. His mental health already seems damaged by the fact he’s scared of a normal bodily function.

Absolutely bonkers replies to this thread. OP - take the advice of those who have been through this with their children and ignore the rest.

Your last sentence…..

Withholding in children is more common than you would think. They then become scared of pooing because the poo gets harder the longer it isn’t expelled. It’s quite understandable to get scared and not a sign of poor mental health in the child. The OP already has her child on a number of medication to try and soften the poo as well as a regular sitting routine (both of these things are very common advice for kids who are constipated/impacted).

I can’t get over the hubris of people like you criticising the OP on a medical matter they know nothing about. Oh to have your self confidence! And diagnosing mental health issues too! Extra points for you!

Yes it has. I've been here for years and I've never ever seen a thread justifying a man knocking through a door, no matter the circumstances. (life or death obviously). In fact, I've seen threads full of LTB for much less. I think the thread has been taken over by one of these "fathers rights" groups or something. It just doesn't add up.

So much to process in your post.

1. 10 minutes on the loo is far too long.
2. You'd already turned the toilet into a forced activity by forcing your child to stay there.
3. Now he'll associate the toilet with scary situations due to what your husband did.
4. Why did you lock the door? Why not just communicate with your husband what was going on? Why not let him in the bathroom to help encourage your child?
5. If someone was in the bathroom with my child and they were clearly upset and screaming for me, I'd also be concerned like your husband was.
6. Have you asked a professional for help with the toilet training?

Is that you Peter Andre?

Faaaaark. So much stupid in YOUR post.

1. Ten minutes is not too long. It’s recommended for children who are seriously constipated and withholding.

2. see point 1

3. Yep husband is a prize dickhead

4. see point 3

5. the dickhead knew exactly what was happening.

6. The OP has advised they have sought medical advice.

Sigh. I hope you are ok OP. I’m off to bed but hopefully you can ignore the batshit and focus on the actual advice given. Good luck. We are on the other side of it now after many years, multiple specialists , diet changes and medication etc. If you want to PM me I’m happy to share tomorrow what worked for us and what didn’t.

i too had a toddler with constipation issues, it’s brutal. You know what needs to happen and they just can’t do it. From what you describe it does sound like overflow which is not like having a normal urge to poop. The progress you had made a few months ago is positive, you can get there again. I’d seriously consider intolerances, especially dairy. It’s not uncommon for gut flora to be wiped out after illness which makes dairy a bigger problem. Also as an interim I’d offer a few blueberries each day, these are gentler on the stomach than prunes or pears and far more effective.

Been through this and it is horrific.
If my DH had locked me out and my child was crying for me, I'd break down the door too. Why the hell did you refuse to open it??
Your son is going to be 100 times as scared going to the toilet now!

My daughter held her poo, and it was hands down the most stressful part of her childhood, I shudder even now at the thought (and it was way back, shes 13 now, but still I shudder!).
Locking doors/breaking doors is way extreme though, its seriously crossed the line now. You and your husband need to regroup and chat, set yourselves boundaries.

When my daughter was holding, our HV suggested getting a few toilet ducks in different colours, and tubes of glitter, and turning the inside of the loo bowl into a riot of rainbows and glitter before and after she poo'd. And it fekn worked, my daughter actually started looking forward to pooing!

Well, maybe. But I suspect maybe not. Perhaps he is prone to getting his own way and overreacted to not doing so.

It could be, he does really love his kids! 🤣

Well you don't know anything - and all the OP says suggests the contrary so perhaps you should keep your nasty comments to yourself!

Matchymatchylemonscratchy · Today 23:00
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 22:58

You’re both out of order.
10 minutes sitting time? That’s nuts.
You say this as a medical professional specialising in paediatric impactation? Because that’s who I heard that advice from. I’d certainly love to hear from another highly experienced medical professional with countering advice though, so do share your credentials and expand upon your post. “

No, I’m not a medical professional but the mother of one. 10 minutes is too long and distressing for a very young child.

Well there’s no retention of shit here.

I don’t believe I’m the one being nasty here. The OP is clearly distressed and wanting to help her child. You’re sticking the boot in unnecessarily. It makes people scared of asking for parenting advice.

It's so obvious you've had a name change. Same nasty posts under a different name.