Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Like a flip has switched

196 replies

Greenissle · 28/04/2023 08:42

Been with DH for 16 years I'm 34 years old, we have 3 children together with the youngest only 2 months old. Sorry this is long I just don't want the leave any details out.

DH went out with a few new girls from his work 2 weeks ago and I was ok with this. The next day he stated he was unhappy with his appearance and was researching nose jobs. He's been losing weight and started using sun beds.

1 week ago I felt like DH was being distant. He text me from work last Friday and said he was coming home to get dressed and heading out with friends, he literally give me 1 hours notice and I had been at home all day with the children. I was annoyed and said 'no your not' but I would never stop him I was just angry. He came home got dressed and went out without even speaking to me, he came home at 4.30am.

The next day he wouldn't speak to me and refused to tell me who he was with and where he was. Since then he has been acting like he doesn't care anymore, is being hurtful with his words and is no longer really helping me with the younger children. When I try to talk to him about how I feel or to sort things out he is shutting me down.

I don't understand what's happened. I don't know who he's become this past few weeks. He has been struggling with work pressures for a while and I have suspected low mood but he disagrees, is it a midlife crisis or has he snapped I don't know. I'm trapped because I'm on Maternity and need him for money at the moment. I'm so upset he is making me miserable but acting like I'm the problem. Perhaps he just doesn't love me anymore but he won't tell me that.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Muffit · 29/04/2023 08:33

Remember his behaviour is a bit like bullying, he doesn't want others to know how badly he's behaving. So make sure you do tell your support network what's going on, or what you suspect is going on.Don't hide it and think only you have to keep it in and put up with it.You don't have to suffer alone.
You're still in shock but if you can get angry about how he's behaved, thus will help you get what you need for yourself and your children.
How dare he treat you and his children like this.

JulieHoney · 29/04/2023 08:49

I hope your eldest’s event goes swimmingly. Enjoy it, and enjoy the glass of wine and chance to spend time with others.

You are strong and resilient, even when you don’t feel it. He, in contrast, is a cowardly gaslighting weasel.

SchoolTripDrama · 29/04/2023 10:05

littleripper · 28/04/2023 09:51

Call his bluff, tell him he is right, there is no point and you are sick of being alone as well. Ask him to leave immediately.

This is what he wants! This is why he's being mean, so that SHE ends it and he's not to blame! I'd be doing the exact opposite and being nice as pie until he snaps

LizzieSiddal · 29/04/2023 10:14

i hope your event goes well today. Once it’s fine please talk to someone in real life, you can’t be shouldering all this on your own.

Quitelikeacatslife · 29/04/2023 10:16

Enjoy today (bet he plays SuperDad)

frazzledasarock · 29/04/2023 10:26

Tell your closest family members what he’s been doing. Show them the text messages he’s sending you.

get RL support around you. Don’t cover for him or pretend he’s amazing.

if he acts the super dad, look at your relatives and say that’s the first time he’s picked the baby up and cuddled him in whatever time span.

wizzywig · 29/04/2023 10:28

If he is a teacher, do you know any parents at the school ? Are you close enough to them to ask if kids are gossiping about your husband and any teachers?

AgrathaChristie · 29/04/2023 10:44

Texts 2 and 3 are the script.
The fourth text is downright nasty.
Im sorry OP, it sounds like he’s decided the single life is more exciting for him, he’s forgotten why he married you and decided to have children.
Don’t know what you do, but you don’t deserve any of this.

ClubTropicanaVIP · 29/04/2023 10:46

Enjoy the event today and the wine!

Now it’s time to gain some inner strength and remain so Uber cool and calm (no neediness or panic) that he starts to wobble and wonder what you’re thinking - just try to always keep the upper hand. Especially now you’ve questioned him and he knows you’re suspicious. You’re a strong woman and deserve to be happy 💐

Skybluepinky · 29/04/2023 10:52

Sounds like yr relationship is over and he has found someone else.

SleazyLizzard · 29/04/2023 11:10

hell definitely be all over the baby and kids being the perfect father and husband in front of family, ignore that.

SchoolTripDrama · 29/04/2023 13:58

How's things OP?

GreenIsle · 10/05/2023 11:24

So my child's event went sort of ok, DH was bit moody at the start. However everyone was right he was a very hands on dad that night and at one point had the two youngest in his arms prancing around and asking me if I needed help every so often.

We have continued to be on and off with each other in the past few weeks. He is acting pleasant though most of the time.

Two days ago he was on his phone and smiled again whilst texting so I asked who he was texting he responded with 'never you mind' and denied even smiling. My oldest DC was in the room and walked behind him and shouted 'oh he's texting Rachel' (fake name). When dc left I asked why he wouldn't say and what it was about, he said of course he would have told me and was messing said it was silly message about work. I said why smile then and he again denied it. I asked the next night to read the message between them and he said he deleted them like all his messages. Complete lies. He thinks it's all hilarious like it's a joke that I could possible think he's cheating. The thing is this girls room is right next to his room (conjoined) and also separate from the main building, this girl is also absolutely gorgeous Confused and childless.

I'm fucked but I'm not talking about it anymore because he won't admit to anything and will just lie. I need hard evidence but I don't know any codes or anything else.

I just want to enjoy my time with my baby's. I'm so angry.

user1471517095 · 10/05/2023 12:20

Well, I'm pushy and confrontational so when my husband started behaving like he was single - out doing his hobby and then the 4 hours of drinking that followed. Every weekend. I asked him how he sees his weekend's going when he has the kids. Because if he carries on with his selfish behaviour we will be separating. That snapped him out of it. You don't need proof of anything you just need to maintain your position, he can't behave like this and stay married to you.

BlastedPimples · 10/05/2023 12:22

@GreenIsle you don't need evidence to split up. You just need to be miserable. That's all.

He sounds so toxic.

And your eldest dc has wind of it all too.

I wish you could kick him to the kerb. Wipe that smug smile off his face.

PercivalP · 24/11/2023 13:28

I’d like to know how it all worked out for you OP, well I hope.

Epidote · 24/11/2023 13:58

OP I think he already had checked out. One of the text said that other than kids you have nothing to talk about.

It is not you is him being a dickhead. Don't allow it.

StopStartStop · 24/11/2023 14:03

I don't understand what's happened.

He's found someone else and moved on. Ducks in a row, OP. Shark mode.

Don't talk to him about it, don't talk to family or friends. Talk to professionals and get your life sorted.

Don't let him talk you into hanging around for years while he conducts one affair after another.

Original poster
Greenissle · 25/11/2023 18:34

So in June it looked like he had cheated on me on another night out. Soon after this I found text messages to at least 2 other women on a old phone that he had obviously been using. He completely gas lit me but the messages were clear as day.

I could not believe after all these years this is what it came to like if you knew him you would never expect this at all. We are currently in the midst of separation and I am strong since it all happened

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenissle · 25/11/2023 18:35

Yous were all right it did turn out to be other women although he still Denys it

OP posts:
Elmer83 · 25/11/2023 21:19

Sorry OP. I hope you are finding the strength to leave him. You deserve so much more than this.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page