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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dodgy text message on dh’s phone

300 replies

Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 18:52

Just found a dodgy message on my dh’s phone from an unknown number.

“Hi babe I’m going to be back down tomorrow for the day.”

What do you make of it? Is there a way of tracking it? An app or something?

I don’t think I can face ringing it…

Is he having an affair? What do I do tomorrow? Help!!!

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 28/04/2023 08:08

AlloPeciaMam · 28/04/2023 08:04

I would ordinarily agree with you. But when you suspect your DH’s actions are dodgy you have no other choice.

Show quote history

I disagree. As someone who has been cheated on, twice. I have absolutely nothing to hide on my own phone but I sure as hell would have something to say if someone went snooping on it. They'd be out of my house. She has a mouth, she could try using it.

HairyKitty · 28/04/2023 08:12

@Ithinktherefore what the scammers hope to get after a few text exchanges is for the unwitting recipient (the 1 in a 1000 who might have “babe” messaging them) to pay for something eg bank transfer for a train ticket or payment on a link for something else credible.

If they send out 100,000 and get 100 gullible sparring with £100 each that’s s lot of money.

Ive had the “Hi mum blah blah I’ve just got to use my friends phone as mines going flat…” one

ifonly4 · 28/04/2023 08:18

Could well be a scam or wrong number, but now it's raised doubts you're going to be on the look out. As well as popping home at lunchtime, I'd find a couple of excuses to phone him on home phone number today (ie think I left something on, can you check something for me, then later to chat about tea or a takeaway). Don't phone him on mobile as that'll be easier and quicker to pick up as he'll have it with him.

LiliLil · 28/04/2023 08:24

The most obvious answer is usually the right one.

Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 08:26

ifonly4 · 28/04/2023 08:18

Could well be a scam or wrong number, but now it's raised doubts you're going to be on the look out. As well as popping home at lunchtime, I'd find a couple of excuses to phone him on home phone number today (ie think I left something on, can you check something for me, then later to chat about tea or a takeaway). Don't phone him on mobile as that'll be easier and quicker to pick up as he'll have it with him.

Depressing

when you’re doing this. The marriage is over. Over.

the family courts don’t give a fig whether or not one party has had an affair. Has NO bearing on financial settlement or child arrangements. So I don’t get the obsession with proving an affair when the marriage is rotten anyway

Guybrush · 28/04/2023 08:27

If it is a scam, the scam is that you reply and say it’s a wrong number. Then they reply saying you’re so kind or they are so embarrassed and try to strike up a rapport with you. Then it develops into a romance scam or some kind of investment/NFT scam. I think they normally use whatsapp though.

redskylight · 28/04/2023 08:40

AlloPeciaMam · 28/04/2023 08:04

I would ordinarily agree with you. But when you suspect your DH’s actions are dodgy you have no other choice.

Show quote history

Or you leave him or try counselling? Because once you start thinking your DH's actions are dodgy, then the relationship is on its last legs, and snooping around hoping to find something incriminating is not going to make it any better. (Because if you don't, you will rationalise that it will only mean you haven't found anything, not that something is not going on).

If I'd seen this message on my DH's phone I would assume it was a wrong number or a scam. The fact that the OP didn't and came to MN to ask if it was dodgy already says a lot about the state of their relationship.

If you think your partner might be cheating, then you are unlikely to get the idea out of your head even if they can explain away every second of their time (and frankly I wouldn't stay with someone who expected me to account for my every movement).

AlloPeciaMam · 28/04/2023 08:57

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 28/04/2023 08:08

I disagree. As someone who has been cheated on, twice. I have absolutely nothing to hide on my own phone but I sure as hell would have something to say if someone went snooping on it. They'd be out of my house. She has a mouth, she could try using it.

Show quote history

Now you’ve made me think about whether I really would do this. I have been cheated on and didn’t do it and never have done. The thought of looking at messages on someone else’s phone make me feel a bit I’ll, so perhaps I am the same as you. I was going to write that I wouldn’t condone a man or woman who did it but then I realised that if a man did it I would definitely see it as controlling behaviour. Thank you for making me stop and think instead of just rattling off a reply in the moment as I sometimes do.

Echobelly · 28/04/2023 08:57

That it's an unknown number increases the chances it's a scam or wrong number - if it was an affair I'd assume he'd put a name on it, even if it was 'Steve from work' to cover it up. I'd have thought the obvious thing would be to check if there were other messages from it? It could be that there were and he deleted them of course, but the fact that he lets the kids play with the phone suggests he isn't worried about hiding anything.

Sirius3030 · 28/04/2023 09:07

Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 20:46

Thanks for the different perspective.

What are the scammers hoping to get from this though?

Show quote history

In this scam, the criminal initiates a conversation that can start with a simple “hi.” Sometimes they pretend that a friendly message was sent to the wrong person. Hoping to make a connection, the scammer can drag it out over several days, eventually ending in asking for money.

Doggymummar · 28/04/2023 09:08

Did he take the phone to bed?

Liorae · 28/04/2023 09:09

AlloPeciaMam · 28/04/2023 08:04

I would ordinarily agree with you. But when you suspect your DH’s actions are dodgy you have no other choice.

Show quote history

Yes you do. End the marriage with some dignity.

Sirius3030 · 28/04/2023 09:12

mainsfed · 28/04/2023 06:54

I would call the number from his phone and say he’s confessed and ask her why she targeted a married man.

And you think you will have a conversation? Not just get the phone slammed down?

DogInATent · 28/04/2023 09:14

Ithinktherefore · 27/04/2023 20:46

Thanks for the different perspective.

What are the scammers hoping to get from this though?

Show quote history

Could be a few scams or scam-type things.

  • Premium rate. Making money from anyone that responds to the message.
  • Escort/Only Fans/sex chat service fishing for customers.
  • Blackmail. Pay us or you start receiving a few more messages like this and we tell your wife. They don't know who the wife is, they just take a gamble that of they send out enough of these messages they'll hit someone with something to be guilty about.
My mobile number is available on the internet (company website, email footers, etc) for work. These types of message on SMS and WhatsApp are not uncommon. I just block the number and delete the message. My colleagues get the same.
Doggymummar · 28/04/2023 09:17

DogInATent · 28/04/2023 09:14

Could be a few scams or scam-type things.

  • Premium rate. Making money from anyone that responds to the message.
  • Escort/Only Fans/sex chat service fishing for customers.
  • Blackmail. Pay us or you start receiving a few more messages like this and we tell your wife. They don't know who the wife is, they just take a gamble that of they send out enough of these messages they'll hit someone with something to be guilty about.
My mobile number is available on the internet (company website, email footers, etc) for work. These types of message on SMS and WhatsApp are not uncommon. I just block the number and delete the message. My colleagues get the same.
Show quote history

Same here. I've had some corkers. Difference is I always tell my other half and we come up with a scheme to prank them.

Liorae · 28/04/2023 09:26

mainsfed · 28/04/2023 06:54

I would call the number from his phone and say he’s confessed and ask her why she targeted a married man.

Why not have a conversation with your husband about why he is targeting women outside his marriage? I doubt he's such a prize that women are targeting him.

Wombats23 · 28/04/2023 09:26

FrenchandSaunders · 27/04/2023 18:57

Take the day off and follow him

Yeah, this, definitely.

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 28/04/2023 09:30

I once got a text message thanking me for a wonderful 3some the night before.

I had actually been out the night before (but I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that happening - not drunk as I was driving lol).

Can you imagine what my OH would have thought if he snooped my phone?

peachgreen · 28/04/2023 09:31

To be fair some people do just call everyone babe so it isn't necessarily anything dodgy...

HyggeTygge · 28/04/2023 09:34

I'm more concerned that you did a screenshot on HIS phone and sent it to your phone - using what, a text msg or WhatsApp or email or bluetooth? If you don't remove the sent item he'll know you've done it.

GoodChat · 28/04/2023 09:54

Doggymummar · 28/04/2023 09:08

Did he take the phone to bed?

I always take my phone to bed and put it under my pillow. It's not suspicious. I've got nothing to hide.

Liorae · 28/04/2023 09:59

Tookeffort81 · 28/04/2023 08:26

Depressing

when you’re doing this. The marriage is over. Over.

the family courts don’t give a fig whether or not one party has had an affair. Has NO bearing on financial settlement or child arrangements. So I don’t get the obsession with proving an affair when the marriage is rotten anyway

Show quote history

I agree. The day you choose to snoop on your partner's phone is the day you should admit to yourself that the relationship is irretrievably broken.

Softoprider · 28/04/2023 10:02

It looks to me like a touring escort sending out messages to clients she has seen informing them she is back in the area and that is why she sent that message to your husband OP because she has saved his number from the last time he saw her. It's a marketing message

AlloPeciaMam · 28/04/2023 10:18

Softoprider · 28/04/2023 10:02

It looks to me like a touring escort sending out messages to clients she has seen informing them she is back in the area and that is why she sent that message to your husband OP because she has saved his number from the last time he saw her. It's a marketing message

How do you deduce that, Sherlock? What are the clues?

Softoprider · 28/04/2023 10:22

Let's just say I have come across this before and is one of the many reasons I am no ,longer with my husband