Being Single/Alone

[Livelifelaughter]

The Times just published an article about "Being Alone". In the comments section many people wrote about how they enjoyed a morning walk, coffee even holidays alone. The writer explained her love for doing things alone (although was in a relationship at the time she wrote the article).
There's a real difference to doing things alone and having a partner/husband even children to come back to...one of my friends talks about her holidays alone not mentioning her 25 year old daughter is with her. In fact I find it really exciting being alone and notching up the things I would tell my boyfriend.
But there's a massive difference in having exciting experiences alone, going to a fancy restaurant alone while other tables are full of chattering couples and I would rather have a partner with me.
I am not talking about it's better to be alone than in a rubbish relationship, that's obvious...but do people really want to be alone ?

This thread made me feel.a bit wistful today but I just popped outside to sort my bins and could hear a couple along the road having a horrible row and I felt such a sense of relief - don't need to worry about stuff like that these days.
Being single isn't all bad!

Undoubtedly it has its moments...

Truth! Although entertainingly I had to double check your post time because I forgot my bins and have just been back out to do them, cursing quietly 😂

@FellPuck thank you - it's nice to know I'm not alone in liking being alone

@Watchkeys good point, I was being a bit tongue in cheek there with the grin smiley but not sure it came across! I've been a bridesmaid many times and love a good wedding, and definitely don't think singlehood is for everyone. I wouldn't want my happily coupled friends and family to break up and be sad, any more than I'd want to couple up and fanny about with a relationship and be less happy than I am. And I know I'm an outlier but I wish I'd known it was an acceptable option earlier than I did, so try and normalise it wherever I can.

Possibly the only thing that makes me cross rather than sad is having to fend off some people's absolute insistence (usually random colleagues at my old jobs) that I will inevitably change my mind some day and fall at the feet of a man and have his babies as fast as possible it's a totally valid choice but it's not mine and I wish people wouldn't see that as quite so odd.

Personally I find single is bliss.

I agree with you. Same as there is a massive difference in being in a shitty relationship or with someone who is FIFO, and single parenting truly with no one else involved at all. There is a massive difference to choosing to holidaying/ going out alone, and having no one to share these things with.

I love being single and have no intentions of ever being in another relationship. I do some things with friends, but there are also a lot of things I do alone, and I am perfectly happy to do so. I love being able to do what I want, when I want, and not have to factor anyone else into my decisions. Btw, I have lived alone for most of my adult life.

I love being single and after a disastrous marriage many years ago intend to remain single . I have a really full social life and pets and I also work so am never bored or lonely . Sometimes I have to reign in the social life because I just crave a weekend at home on my own just pottering .
The only thing that concerns me about single is when I'm much older and family / friends pass away and the practical side of not having anyone to take you to hospital appointments or if you break your arm who can help you do things or heaven forbid if you get dementia who looks after your affairs . All my connections are same age or older and no-one younger who could do stuff . Single is great for me when I'm active and looking after myself but if I become incapacitated then I'm guessing I'll just have to pay people for services family would often help with .

@hattie43 I think more and more women are living alone and wonder whether we will end up with more shared living for older women in the future

Being in a relationship/marriage is no guarantee that you won't have those same issues in later life - your partner could die before you leaving you in the same situation.
Or you could end up becoming a carer for your partner in later life which can be so difficult too.
I love the idea of communal living in later life and hope this does become something people do.
There is also that great scheme where an older person has a younger person live with them and charges cheap rent in exchange for companionship and some help in the house.

I was very happy being single, travelling alone, meeting friends etc. It wasn't until I met someone, fell in love that I realised that I wanted love and intimacy too. The difference seemed to me that I could do the single things plus have a relationship.
I agree that being in a relationship doesn't bullet proof you for old age and needing a carer or being a carer but it does mean at some of the difficult points in life you have someone by your side totally and aren't relying on friends who may have other priorities over you, or going it alone at hospital appointments etc.
I would say after my marriage ended in my late 30s singledom has been great but I would rather be in a relationship in my early 50s...

Yes let's hope so . I do see the number of single people households is increasing so maybe a new way of ' elderly' living will come with that . A couple of friends and I have joked about setting up a glam old girls commune in our later years but again not all of us will make it that far .

Being single is great now ds is much older. He can take care of himself and at 18 can do fending for himself quite well. I wouldn't swap the peace and quiet and me time for any bloke. As it only really picked up slowly from age 13.

Relationships just aren't my cup of tea. I prefer independence and making my own decisions all the time. In addition being as I am on the spectrum I need extra alone time anyway.

Is it a lifetime commitment? Maybe it used to be when women couldn't actually divorce. It's all very theoretical especially now that there is no fault divorce clause so that people can exit if the relationship is no longer serving them

OK, @Goatbilly , most people are married because they would like to stay married. Many people are single and would rather not be. I'm sure you get my point. It's not really baffling that people say 'I'm currently single' but don't say 'I'm currently married' when saying 'I'm currently married' would directly contravene a commitment made to another person, who you love, and would therefore be upset by it.

You're making a huge assumption that many people marry for love, many people marry out of convenience (would only admit to this year's down the line). It is just embarrassing and socially unacceptable to say so out loud (although in other cultures) arranged marriages are the norm.

I was talking about the vast majority, @Goatbilly Of course there are others.

How do you know vast majority marry out of love? Says who? You aren't in people's heads. The movies?

You come out with statements unable to support them empirically, just nebulous anecdotal stories only giving one sided opinions.

Gosh. Well, I didn't come here to argue with you, because what you think doesn't matter to me, so you have your opinion, and I'll have mine, and they'll be different, and nobody will have to be quite so aggressive.

How's that?

You could start by giving more balanced opinions rather than nonsense about everyone being in love...

Or I could stop, by ignoring you. Best of luck.

Six months out of a marriage never again will I live with anyone I’m loving it I love being out in the day but evenings are mine I’m a home bird. Loving making a home.

I would say there's a certain stage around late 20s early 30s when a lot of people get married, whether those people are in love 20 years later or even content is a different matter. I know people is flat marriages where there's nothing but they want to be in a family unit and want the feeling of stability. There's also the issue that divorce brings a drop in finances, especially if you leave it until after children have finished school education.

The fact most people do it around a similar time strongly suggests that it most probably isn't love to begin with but rather fear and convenience driving them to do it at that time (fear of not finding anyone else?).

Why then why this obsession around dating then?
Why are people in relationships/married put on so high on a pedastal.
Why do we have to celebrate them and single’s looked down upon?
Why do people time after time after time try and find a relationship?

If most don’t even love?
Why all this talk and media, ad nauseam, about ’love’?
If it isin’t even real.

It's not that it's not real it's just that most relationships don't last so people cycle over and over in and out of relationships. Some are lucky and can retrospectively say it has been a consistent love for one person. But how common is that? Social conditioning to have to be in a relationship is quite a strong? Life is expensive as single person? Pressure to have a family/or want a family so need a man for that and a second income? Not all women can or a re prepared to be solo parents....lots of factors really