Being Single/Alone

[Livelifelaughter]

The Times just published an article about "Being Alone". In the comments section many people wrote about how they enjoyed a morning walk, coffee even holidays alone. The writer explained her love for doing things alone (although was in a relationship at the time she wrote the article).
There's a real difference to doing things alone and having a partner/husband even children to come back to...one of my friends talks about her holidays alone not mentioning her 25 year old daughter is with her. In fact I find it really exciting being alone and notching up the things I would tell my boyfriend.
But there's a massive difference in having exciting experiences alone, going to a fancy restaurant alone while other tables are full of chattering couples and I would rather have a partner with me.
I am not talking about it's better to be alone than in a rubbish relationship, that's obvious...but do people really want to be alone ?

I’ve noticed this trend as well.
It’s mostly for privileged people who already have a partner / kids.
There’s worlds of difference if you’re actually alone.
I don’t think any of these people would like it so much if they’d had to do it for a week/ a month, nvermind if they’d been single all their life.
And it only gets worse the older you get.
Spending money and time for celebrating everyone else, never getting anything back.

I'm lonely a lot of the time.

I have a low tolerance for alone time. I do need it sometimes and find cohabitation hard but I like company for going out and evenings/weekends.

I've done the cinema alone, eating out alone, holiday alone stuff. It can be good and I'm glad I've done it but there's a big difference from doing alone things out of choice rather than out of necessity.

For instance if I want to see a film no one else does then going to see it alone is fine. But if you never have anyone to go with it gets depressing.

For example I'm not well travelled at all and mostly that's because I've not had DPs/friends to travel with.

Some places I'd want there to be someone with me to talk about the attractions, take photos of me, do some of the organising/ split the costs etc. it's also a safety thing as a solo female traveller.

Someone interesting will cross your path OP and you will be a catch when they do.

I went to a local band concert this weekend, like from our town local, now I am not looking but thought the conductor was a (youngish) silver fox. He was lovely. I noticed no wedding ring. Not that that means much. But if he is on the market to me he seemed worth getting to know. Really didn't expect that when I walked in!

I think it depends on what stage your at in life, and how committed you are to making it work
I once read feeling lonely can feel like you are unsupported, if you can learn to support yourself,
mentally, physically and emotionally you feel less lonely.
You never know what life will throw your way, life is very unpredictable, so l just try and enjoy whatever stage I'm at.

But most of all the feeling of being loved and secure

People who enjoy being alone have grasped that these are things you can give to yourself. Then company, or a relationship, are things you can decide to do if you feel like it, like going to the cinema, or having a bar of chocolate: they're nice, but not in any way essential or needed.

Bless you 💕

Yep I would agree....I have friends would describe going on holiday alone when they are married and or have children at home.... massive difference as you say...

I honestly don't think I can replicate feeling loved and cherished myself.... it's a complete different feeling to thinking that and being told that by someone.

Work on it. Best thing you could ever give yourself: emotional security. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship without it, because you are either not ok or relying on a partner to make you ok. That's not a healthy basis for a relationship.

Quite newly single and I miss conversation with another adult after work etc. I’m wary of holidaying alone with my children. All new I guess. Definitely wouldn’t go to a restaurant alone, would rather I had someone to talk to if I was paying for food/night out. However I like my newly peaceful life, no stress because of the person I married. I wouldn’t want to live with someone else while my children are young and would worry about my assets in years to come in terms of my childrens inheritance.

2 holidays abroad last year, one with someone, one very much alone. The best being by myself - because the first was with the wrong person, so was all kinds of stressful.
Bottom line is that it's always better to be alone than with the wrong person. But, dining in a restaurant on your own is never going to be as good as with the right person -even with the most amazing food. I would love to go back with the right person some day.
Taking time for yourself whilst in a relationship is an entirely different scenario, not the same thing as being alone and single.

I don't think you're alone when you have children with you...

When I noticed it most was when I had a sick parent and I was sitting by the hospital bed while most other visitors were with a partner for some of their visits...

I havent lived in a relationship for 12 years since divorce. Had a 2 yr relationship in that period where we saw each other every other weekend ( i had a young DC ) also dated occasionally but nothing worked out, Now been single for a long time but DC13 lives with me. Im a lone parent and would love time on my own, cannot imagine being in a relationship again.

I'm not alone as in I have a very young child, but I haven't been in a proper relationship for over 5 years. Of course there are moments and some lengthy ones where I wish I had a partner (but actually on reflection I think what I needed was more support which could have come from a friend or a family member). I wouldn't want to move in a man whilst I'm bringing up my child and also I enjoy the freedom to do as I wish (to parent how I want) and organise my life in general as I want. I think I used to compromise a lot when younger because I didn't want to miss out on having children (in the end I went down the solo route and am a solo mother by choice).

I'm single and never get lonely.

Having children is not the same as having a loving committed relationship. It’s an entirely different thing and in some ways can make you more lonely. Being a single parent is not conducive to having an active social life or going out indulging your interests. I’m single through bereavement. As it happened I wanted out of that relationship anyway and I’m happier for it. For now I do want to be alone as I need to figure out who I am and what I want. I need to recover from years of abuse. So yes, some people do want to be alone.

I'm single, have been a while now, after being with one person for a long time (together for years before we married). I have older kids, one who still lives with me, so I am not alone completely but I still find it hard at times. Mainly because most people I know are in relationships. I find it's ok if I plan things in advance but if I don't and spontaneously ask a friend to do something that evening or during the weekend they will inevitably be doing something with their partner. I miss that spontaneity of just having someone who you can turn to and say "Let's go to the pub/cinema/out to eat".

Having said all that, I can't see myself living with a partner again and definitely won't ever marry again.

I've been alone now for 3 years. I'm mid 50s and my children have flown the nest too.

I can honestly say I have never been happier.

I do everything I've ever wanted to that my ex partner didn't want to.

I've had several holidays abroad, I go out to eat, to the theatre, to play bingo.
At home I like to craft and watch documentaries.
I'm learning Spanish and doing up my home bit by bit.

I presume I'm menopausal as my periods stopped over 2 years ago, and during this time Ive lost interest in anything involving other people socially, yet I have found a contentment I've never experienced before.

I do keep in touch with a handful of friends and meet up from time to time, however I do this out of a sense of duty (they are good, kind, reliable people) but if I'm honest I would rather not.
I have 5 adult children and I am close to 4 of them, plus grandchildren.

As for a relationship, I have absolutely no desire, time or energy for one.

My life is very full and I wouldn't change anything.

This!

When I was younger, I was very happy to do things on my own - cinema, concerts, holidays, hobbies etc. Probably because I was so busy learning, growing, discovering, working to personal milestones - I never had time to feel lonely. However, now I enjoy it much less. Having been in relationships (and my current relationship too) where my partner was also my best friend, I've seen how much more fulfilling it is to share experiences. Maybe it's also an age thing as now in my late 30s and worry that it's harder to meet a life partner/build a life together the older you get. And I don't know if being 60 and never having built a life with someone would make me lonely.

The last time I was single at 33, I did do things on my own but wouldn't say I enjoyed it more than with a partner. My philosophy was I don't want to miss out on things just because I have no one to go with - would never sit at home and miserable. But I am very sure relationships do add to my life and do what I can to meet someone. When in a relationship, I do still crave the occasional alone time and happy to go off on adventures without DP - but knowing he's back home feels different than knowing it's just me.

What I will say is I have never been conscious of being the only single/solo person around couples. Don't understand people who are. I've carried books to nice restaurants and greatly enjoyed my meal, and have happily showed up to weddings alone. Other people having partners is not the reason I feel lonely, if I ever feel lonely it's because I'm missing companionship (and other people's relationship status has no bearing on my situation).

This.

I LOVED time alone when I had plenty of people to do be with.

I hated it during a time in my life when I had no-one to be with. I no longer wanted to do the things I had previously enjoyed doing alone. Having to do them alone was too painful. So I just stopped doing them.

I do not need a person to tell me I am loved or secure or anything else. I don't like 'alone' it implies lonely. I'm on my own but I'm certainly not lonely. If I have a ONS, it's because I fancy a shag, not because I want a cuddle and my hair or ego stroked. If I want to go for cocktails, or have a night in a hotel or go to a gig, I go. I don't need someone to go with and I sure as hell do not want someone waiting when I get home.

I am like that...I wouldn't live with someone or marry but I still would want a committed relationship.

I've been like this too, it's a shame more people can't. I don't think 'alone' implies 'lonely', though. They're not the same, although some think they are. I love to be alone. I have a partner, now, but still value my alone time.