Partner overheard counselling session

[radroa]

I have been seeing a Counsellor to heal from an abortion I had last year.

This weekwas about anger. We had a structure to the session.

I was meant to really let go and talk about all the anger towards my partner surrounding having an abortion because it's not what I wanted but ultimately was the best decision at the time as I had poor mental health.

I am a lot better now but still very much grieving my lost baby.

When I finished my session (video link) my partner was out. Turns out he'd listened to a lot of it and now is not speaking to me. Saying the things I said have shattered him and how unfair they were.

I feel my session was meant to be about all of the private thoughts and meant to be cathartic. So yes, it was a bit harsh. But it wasn't for him to hear.

I really feel like he's crossed a line and invaded my privacy. I feel like he's read my diary.

I am really upset with him, but he's not even speaking to me now, he wanted me to say none of it was true. But it was all true, I do feel the things I said. He's sleeping in the spare room tonight and can't even look at me.

I've found somewhere else to live, I won't tell him until I've got dates and have a timeline.
Well done OP, fast work.
Have somebody ... burly ... with you when you decide to tell your soon-to-be-ex.
I recommend you do this at the same time you pack up to move out. I don't like to think of how that nasty twat would punish you for having the temerity to leave.

Thank you for the support everyone, I have bigger things to worry about at the moment so he's gotten off pretty lightly.
Let him get off lightly.
He won't accept anything you level at him - it's all your fault, remember?
So keep your head down, & hold on to how satisfying it will be to just calmly tell him you are leaving - while you do exactly that, with a safe & large friend in tow.

FurAndFeathers

This is nonsense. Online counselling is commonplace.

Yes, online counselling is commonplace but having a session in a house with others there is risky. Fact.

A session alone in a room in your own home is considered a safe space and many excellent counsellors offer remote sessions to clients with similar set ups, for a number of reasons.

They will likely ask if you have a private room for your sessions where you feel comfortable and relaxed and able to speak freely.

They won't refuse to do sessions if your partner lives in the same home as they (like OP) would expect an adult partner to have enough respect to not be listening in order to to weaponise what they may hear or punish you for it.

This is quick OP, glad you are sorting yourself out. Wish you all the best. Hope you will be able to deal withe the other stuff too.

Is there anyway you can avoid the counselling session next week he literally wants to spend an hour whining to someone about all the ‘nasty things he overheard’.

Apologies, my therapist and the Counsellor are separate.

'He' is my partner in that sentence. I've just realised how it reads.

Partner wants to meet with the couples therapist at some point.

Please don’t bother with couples therapy… it’s not advisable to seek couples counselling with an abusive partner. Go and live your life.

Relieved to see you're making plans to quietly escape the relationship, OP.

I think you will be so much better off without him.

Good luck.

I would not be meeting with the couples counsellor.

I can see why it's not recommended. The temptation would be to be candid and honest with him, but he doesn't need honesty. He needs strict boundaries.

I had agreed and figured it's an opportunity to tell him in front of a professional that I don't trust him anymore and that the damage is done.

I did have back up plan living arrangements before this all happened. Hence why I managed to find something so quickly.

I am so proud of you for taking control and getting away. I know the mindfuck these controlling jerks are and it’s not easy getting to this place. You have been through so much and he hasn’t been a partner to you at all. Please be safe and remind yourself that nothing is lonelier than being in a relationship like the one you’re leaving now. Live happily ever after.

Well done OP.

Don't waste any further time with him.

Yes, online counselling is commonplace but having a session in a house with others there is risky. Fact.

No, it happens hundreds or thousands of times a day across the country, fact. I've had it myself and there's nothing wrong with counsellors or clients doing it, or it wouldn't be allowed.

I can see why it's not recommended.

@radroa The PP is wrong about that OP. There's nothing wrong with it. Unless maybe the person is in a house with a violent abuser, or thinks it's likely someone else might come into the room.

You aren't psychic to know what he was going to do, and neither was the counsellor.

Ah ok @radroa I thought you meant the counselling in the house thing.

Yep couples counselling isn't recommended with a bloke like this. Look how much he's kicking off already.

And it's a waste of money which you will have other things you want/need to spend it on if you're (thank goodness) going to set up in a new home.

To tell him you're leaving- as much as possible I would just pack up while he's out somewhere and leave. Then text him afterwards to say you've gone. Get someone to come in with you if you need to fetch more stuff.

Or sneakily take stuff out, and for the rest get someone to come with you.