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Original poster

Partner overheard counselling session

190 replies

radroa · 21/04/2023 22:04

I have been seeing a Counsellor to heal from an abortion I had last year.

This weekwas about anger. We had a structure to the session.

I was meant to really let go and talk about all the anger towards my partner surrounding having an abortion because it's not what I wanted but ultimately was the best decision at the time as I had poor mental health.

I am a lot better now but still very much grieving my lost baby.

When I finished my session (video link) my partner was out. Turns out he'd listened to a lot of it and now is not speaking to me. Saying the things I said have shattered him and how unfair they were.

I feel my session was meant to be about all of the private thoughts and meant to be cathartic. So yes, it was a bit harsh. But it wasn't for him to hear.

I really feel like he's crossed a line and invaded my privacy. I feel like he's read my diary.

I am really upset with him, but he's not even speaking to me now, he wanted me to say none of it was true. But it was all true, I do feel the things I said. He's sleeping in the spare room tonight and can't even look at me.

OP posts:
GobbieMaggie · 22/04/2023 10:44

Difficult to ignore what he was hearing I should think. And what what did you think his would be ?. What would your reaction be ?

If you really do feel like that and meant every word then there'd be no coming back from that, it would be the end for me. I'd be the one moving on.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you are wanting to hear but I couldn't live with somebody who harboured that level of resentment. That's dishonest in it's self.

CuriousMama · 22/04/2023 10:45

@Snaaaaacks God I hope you never think of counseling anyone. Shocking advice.

Op glad you're leaving him.

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 10:48

Naunet · 22/04/2023 10:36

So he’s not wrong to invade her phone etc either, or was that behaviour just not worthy of comment?

Show quote history

Of course it is.
But OP wanted opinions on this particular situation.

I have said that I think they need to separate.

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 10:50

lifeissweet · 22/04/2023 10:42

@ShowUs, Once again, it was not 'slagging him off' to a friend or family member. She was talking about her feelings to a professional who's job it is to draw out these feelings and help her to process them. It's not the same as sending an email to someone venting about him.

Counselling should be sacred. It's a confessional. She should not have to self-censor. She may well be realising, by talking about this, that the relationship is a bad one and she needs to leave - but she gets to that point by admitting her feelings and working through to that realisation.

This is what the sessions are for.

I agree, which is why the partner should not be in the same building whist these sessions are going on.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 22/04/2023 10:56

NotStayingIn · 21/04/2023 22:15

He's managed to be home whilst I have therapy without listening before

I mean.... do you really belief that? Or maybe he just wasn't that annoyed about what he had heard before so didn't let on. Bit of a coincidence that he managed to overhear the bit that reflected badly on him, isn't it?

Any decent person would respect their partner and give them privacy for something like this. His behaviour was awful.

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 10:57

Some of these responses are so depressing. And illuminative of why it’s so hard for women in abusive relationships to recognise the abuse and leave.

All these people determined to take his side and blame the OP for his behaviour. All of you doing this should recognise that you are very much part of the problem here. You are the reason that male abuse goes unchallenged and is even normalised and accepted.

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 10:59

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 10:50

I agree, which is why the partner should not be in the same building whist these sessions are going on.

Show quote history

And he could have gone out. If he respected his partner, he would have gone out. He’d have planned to go out to give her the space to have a counselling session.

Stop blaming the OP for his choices and behaviour.

A good man would have gone out. No question about it.

Naunet · 22/04/2023 11:02

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 10:48

Of course it is.
But OP wanted opinions on this particular situation.

I have said that I think they need to separate.

Show quote history

Ah so he IS wrong after all….🙄

crossstitchingnana · 22/04/2023 11:06

The counselling space is wasn't safe. The therapist has to own that.

crossstitchingnana · 22/04/2023 11:07

Plus, a counsellor should NEVER push you to talk about something.

heldinadream · 22/04/2023 11:16

crossstitchingnana · 22/04/2023 11:06

The counselling space is wasn't safe. The therapist has to own that.

Oh come on if someone is having online therapy in their own home all the therapist can do is make sure they understand they must make the space safe themselves! Which OP tried to do.
This is completely on OP's partner, who broke a boundary. He sounds nasty frankly, and coercing OP into having an abortion and then getting pissy with her because she's still upset and trying to process it is horrible.
💐for you OP. Hope you can get away from him.

DannyZukosSmile · 22/04/2023 11:24

You know you need to leave this relationship, right? It's toxic. He's toxic. End it now.

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 11:29

crossstitchingnana · 22/04/2023 11:06

The counselling space is wasn't safe. The therapist has to own that.

Why is everyone desperate to absolve the man of responsibility here. It’s the OP’s fault he listened it. The counsellor. Anyone but his.

It’s not some subtle nuance that’s easily missed. The fact that it is unacceptable to listen in on someone else’s counselling session is patently obvious to everyone.

He knew what he was doing. He wanted to listen in.

GobbieMaggie · 22/04/2023 11:31

heldinadream · 22/04/2023 11:16

Oh come on if someone is having online therapy in their own home all the therapist can do is make sure they understand they must make the space safe themselves! Which OP tried to do.
This is completely on OP's partner, who broke a boundary. He sounds nasty frankly, and coercing OP into having an abortion and then getting pissy with her because she's still upset and trying to process it is horrible.
💐for you OP. Hope you can get away from him.

Show quote history

But she knew he was in the house, right from the get go. Difficult to ignore what you’re hearing in those circumstances. And even more difficult to pretend you didn’t hear it. Few ppl are gonna ignore that. That’s a red light.

libertybonds · 22/04/2023 11:32

I'm so sorry. This was a massive invasion of your privacy. I think that you should get rid of this horrible man.

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 11:34

GobbieMaggie · 22/04/2023 11:31

But she knew he was in the house, right from the get go. Difficult to ignore what you’re hearing in those circumstances. And even more difficult to pretend you didn’t hear it. Few ppl are gonna ignore that. That’s a red light.

Show quote history

Why are you making excuses for him.

the OP should have been able to trust that he would respect her privacy. To take measures to afford her the privacy to have a counselling session.

That is a very basic level of respect.

The fault is his.

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 11:35

These excuses are the emotional abuse equivalent of ‘he wouldn’t have hit you if you hadn’t made him angry’.

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 11:35

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 10:59

And he could have gone out. If he respected his partner, he would have gone out. He’d have planned to go out to give her the space to have a counselling session.

Stop blaming the OP for his choices and behaviour.

A good man would have gone out. No question about it.

Show quote history

I’ve not blamed OP for his choices or behaviour at all.
Please don’t lie.

I said he should go out and if he refused then I would have ended the relationship immediately.

I have said that anyone who stays in the same building whilst their partner has therapy does not respect their partner at all.

CountZacular · 22/04/2023 11:39

GobbieMaggie · 22/04/2023 11:31

But she knew he was in the house, right from the get go. Difficult to ignore what you’re hearing in those circumstances. And even more difficult to pretend you didn’t hear it. Few ppl are gonna ignore that. That’s a red light.

Show quote history

This is still 100% on him to give her space.

I had counselling over lockdown in our home so DP respected my privacy, took his lunch break during my sessions and went for a walk. There was one that was a struggle to go for so he had his headphones in and moved to the other side of the house. That is what a respectful partner should do.

I’m not sure why you are so adamant to keep making excuses for him. He’s completely in the wrong in every conceivable way. From nosing in to then laying into her after he didn’t like what was heard.

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 11:39

Naunet · 22/04/2023 11:02

Ah so he IS wrong after all….🙄

Show quote history

No he was not wrong for being upset in this situation.

AlwaysGinPlease · 22/04/2023 11:42

You need to leave this relationship. He's abusive and toxic. I'm so sorry OP

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 11:46

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 11:39

No he was not wrong for being upset in this situation.

Show quote history

He was wrong.

oakleaffy · 22/04/2023 11:46

NotStayingIn · 21/04/2023 22:12

You do not accidentally listen to a lot of someone else's private counseling session.

You may hear a snippet and move out of earshot, but if you are hearing a lot, there is nothing accidental about it.

And now he's turned it around so that you are the bad guy?

Honestly, I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

THIS!
How awful that he should have listened in.

Not good at all.

MenoRageisReal · 22/04/2023 12:04

SkyandSurf · 21/04/2023 23:16

Leave him!

Why are you 'working on forgiving' this man?

There is so much wrong here I don't know where to start.

Pressuring you into an abortion you didn't want us fucked up. Listening to your counseling session is fucked up. Having access to all your devices is fucked up. Not giving a shit about your pain and focusing only on his own reputation is fucked up. Not speaking to you to punish you for what you said privately in therapy is fucked up.

This is a broken, harmful relationship with a horrible man.

Anger is a protective emotion. It's trying to take care of you. If you feel angry towards him- good! He's mistreated you. Keep that anger and use it make yourself safe.

I agree with this.

I'm not a standard "MN LTB at a drop of a hat" type poster but this chap is NOT coming across as a good guy.

I suspect your mental health may improve if you get shot of him to be honest.

LadyJ2023 · 22/04/2023 12:07

Erm of your in a house like ours anyone talking upstairs can clear as day be heard downstairs lol so hard to believe he didn't hear other sessions. Maybe this time something hurt him to. Maybe consider he regrets you didn't have a pregnancy now who knows. Try talking instead of having a go at each other.