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Original poster

Partner overheard counselling session

190 replies

radroa · 21/04/2023 22:04

I have been seeing a Counsellor to heal from an abortion I had last year.

This weekwas about anger. We had a structure to the session.

I was meant to really let go and talk about all the anger towards my partner surrounding having an abortion because it's not what I wanted but ultimately was the best decision at the time as I had poor mental health.

I am a lot better now but still very much grieving my lost baby.

When I finished my session (video link) my partner was out. Turns out he'd listened to a lot of it and now is not speaking to me. Saying the things I said have shattered him and how unfair they were.

I feel my session was meant to be about all of the private thoughts and meant to be cathartic. So yes, it was a bit harsh. But it wasn't for him to hear.

I really feel like he's crossed a line and invaded my privacy. I feel like he's read my diary.

I am really upset with him, but he's not even speaking to me now, he wanted me to say none of it was true. But it was all true, I do feel the things I said. He's sleeping in the spare room tonight and can't even look at me.

OP posts:
Replitad · 22/04/2023 07:16

Good for you OP. You deserve so much better than this nasty man.

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 22/04/2023 07:23

I think you are doing the right thing here. He has massively invaded your privacy on top of other pre-existing issues. As other people have said, if he overheard a snippet he should have moved away or put headphones on. He deliberately eavesdropped.

Crocadoodledoo · 22/04/2023 07:26

Sounds like the right decision, OP, well done. He’s bad news.

Nicecow · 22/04/2023 07:27

I'm so pleased to hear this OP, you won't regret this decision 👏

Schnooze · 22/04/2023 07:33

Relationships shouldn’t be hard generally. They should be supportive and respectful, even if there a few hard patches.

notsayingmuch · 22/04/2023 07:33

Please send an email to your counsellor to explain what has happened. He or she will want to support you through this. It is a huge breach of your confidentiality and your counsellor might be able to arrange face to face sessions so that you can feel secure when you next speak or work out some other way for your session to be totally private. I am glad that you are finding this thread helpful, but your counsellor would be worried that you are seeking advice rather than looking within to see what 'the real you' wants.

Deathraystare · 22/04/2023 07:38

Never had counselling myself but I would assume you want to be in a safe place, telling the person what you would not neccessarily (shit spelling!) tell your (supposed) nearest and dearest or even your friends so the idea is you can really let go. If a friend or loved one had counselling in the house I am sure I would busy myself in another room. He does not sound at all supportive.

AlexisR · 22/04/2023 07:40

You also need to start seeing your counsellor face to face so that you can't be overheard. This sort of thing is common as a fallout from everything being remote since Covid.

The best place for counselling is in a quiet, private room, with the counsellor, in person.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 22/04/2023 07:43

How dare he? How dare he, for all of it.

I am so angry on your behalf. To the point I wish I could come help you move all your things out.

He has violated you brutally, and is punishing you for it.

pippinsleftleg · 22/04/2023 07:43

NotStayingIn · 21/04/2023 22:15

He's managed to be home whilst I have therapy without listening before

I mean.... do you really belief that? Or maybe he just wasn't that annoyed about what he had heard before so didn't let on. Bit of a coincidence that he managed to overhear the bit that reflected badly on him, isn't it?

I agree with this - he has probably listened to all sessions.

I wouldn't;t be able to trust him again.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 22/04/2023 07:44

AlexisR · 22/04/2023 07:40

You also need to start seeing your counsellor face to face so that you can't be overheard. This sort of thing is common as a fallout from everything being remote since Covid.

The best place for counselling is in a quiet, private room, with the counsellor, in person.

That is not always an option the patient gets to make.

What she needs is to get away from this man. Into her own space. To heal from everything that’s happened. Not be forced into an abortion and then punished anew for her own feelings over it.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 22/04/2023 07:45

Choice *

PsychoHotSauce · 22/04/2023 07:49

I haven't RTFT, only your updates and a few other posts, but pre covid counselling was face to face, alone, in a private room, for a reason. Privacy and a safe space is important for dozens of reasons, and is needed for therapy to be productive.

You now are in a position where you can't continue these sessions at home, as even if he went out you'd be distracted listening for him to come back.

Its interesting that his only thought is for himself and what other people think of him. No concern for how you're feeling and why you said them in the first place.

I'm pretty sure this is the end of the road for your relationship. You're right to feel violated. This is such a breach of trust and now you have no idea where else he has been snooping.

I'm so sorry OPFlowers

muppetmayhem · 22/04/2023 07:51

I was pressured into having an abortion by my exhusband 25 years ago.

I had a nervous breakdown over it. I eventually forgave myself but I still do not forgive him and the way he behaved.

please, please leave him.

As for the counselling part he should never have listened in.

billy1966 · 22/04/2023 07:54

Oh OP,
You poor woman.

What an utterly disgusting excuse of a man he is.

Completely without honour or decency.

Get away from him as soon as you can.

He really is bad news.

Wishing you well.

MrsRickAstley · 22/04/2023 07:59

The abortion was the beginning of the end.

Eavesdropping has put the nail in.

Discussing it is frankly irrelevant - he won't understand your side. I think it's over and perhaps has been for a while.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/04/2023 08:08

This is shocking. Do you not see it?

He not only pressured you into having an abortion, but is now deliberately listening into your counselling sessions?

He's managed to be home whilst I have therapy without listening before.

Oh, he was listening alright.

This is emotional abuse.

I am working on forgiving him

I"d be working on leaving him. He sounds awful.

HyacinthBookay · 22/04/2023 08:08

Triedit · 22/04/2023 03:54

He shouldn’t have listened but It’s very difficult to be sure noone hears even accidentally. I have counseling via the equivalent of Zoom and if anyone is home I sit in my car or even drive somewhere private to talk.

It’s his home and haven too, imagine if you overheard him letting rip with his counselor and he was talking about you. It’s not that it was OK that he listened, it’s just human nature to find it very difficult if you know your partner is having private discussions that involve you in your own home.

I know everyone is dissing in him, but if the shoe was on the other foot and you were on here saying you overheard your partner furious with you in therapy, I think there would be more understanding.

You are in a relationship and share a house, he is only human.

Like I said, I always make sure I have complete privacy for counseling by leaving the house if anyone is home.

Nope. If she did what he did we would say she wbu.

you are asking her to try to understand a violation of trust? With a man who pressured her into an abortion?

Her husband is a cunt and we all know he is. Listening in on her counselling session was a deliberate act of control. He can’t even allow her to have her own thoughts - a basic human right.

You need to leave him op before he destroys your mental health any further.

weirdoboelady · 22/04/2023 08:15

I just want to post this in case it helps anyone else. I used to run a charity that provided counselling, and we were always concerned about sessions being overheard. We invested in some white noise machines which were kept on, and running, outside the counselling rooms. It does mean that there is much more active effort required to 'accidentally' hear anything that is going on in the room.

SquidwardBound · 22/04/2023 08:17

This is an enormous invasion of your privacy and, actually, I think the way he’s behaving is outright abusive.

He pressured you into an abortion. Now you’re having counselling to help you to try to come to terms with that.
He knew you were having a session. He chose to listen to what you were saying.
Now he’s using what he heard, in your private counselling session, against you and trying to make you believe he’s the victim here.
He’s sulking with the intention of punishing you for daring to think or feel in ways that aren’t entirely about validating him.

He sounds awful.

You should leave him. Stop trying to forgive him for this stuff and fix yourself so that his needs/want are prioritised.

Be angry with him. Anger serves an important purpose. Here being angry at how he’s continuing to treat you is your body giving you what you need to get out of this situation.

FurAndFeathers · 22/04/2023 08:21

I suspect this man is controlling in other ways too.

he doesn’t respect your autonomy - he sees you as a possession of his.

he deliberately chose to invade your privacy so that he could weaponise your thoughts against you.

don’t try to reason with him. He’s clearly abusing you emotionally as a form of control.

please ensure you’re safe and end your relationship with this man.

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 22/04/2023 08:24

Well done OP, I think you are making the right decision.
although listening in on a private counselling lesson is an invasion of privacy, I could find it forgivable if I meant he realised how his behaviour had so badly affected you and was sorry and apologetic for it. The fact that instead he is more concerned about his reputation and completely dismissing how you felt is completely unforgivable. There’s no coming back from that.

ClairDeLaLune · 22/04/2023 08:25

Oh OP that sounds really tough. What you’ve been through and now his behaviour. Well done you for realising what you have to do next. He doesn’t make you happy. You need to move on and find someone who does. Flowers

Fraaahnces · 22/04/2023 08:31

Thank you for being brave and saving another woman from becoming yet another silenced, worn-down, invisible person. I am so proud of you for finally recognizing that you are far more valuable than this. You absolutely deserve better. Please treat yourself with the kindness you deserve and believe and accept nothing less from others in the future.

GabriellaMontez · 22/04/2023 08:32

Awful. He sounds extremely untrustworthy.

I think you've done the right things.

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