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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fast advice needed please - partner and escorts

177 replies

Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:44

DP went away and left his email signed in. I noticed messages from women.
Looks like hes on dating websites and escort websites. I have found messages of him requesting meet ups with escorts. Secret phone numbers.

Obviously this is the end of us. I have got screenshots and emailed them to myself so he cant deny it.

He'll be back in less than 1 hour. Do I need to play it cool and gather more evidence or can I say it out when hes back?

OP posts:
Fallin · 21/04/2023 20:46

Screenshot and send everything to your own email so he cant gaslight you.

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 21/04/2023 20:47

That seems enough evidence!

Brace yourself gor a whole shed load of lying tho.

So sorry.

Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:48

I have done that.
He will definitely try to get out of it if/when I confront him.

OP posts:
CheeseMcKnees · 21/04/2023 20:49

What do you want him to do? Move out now? Think ahead, pack him a bag if you wish. Have a plan and stick to it.

Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:49

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 21/04/2023 20:47

That seems enough evidence!

Brace yourself gor a whole shed load of lying tho.

So sorry.

I actually dont want to bring it up tonight because I know it will be exhausting with him trying to deny it. Its been a really long day already with work 😣

OP posts:
Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:50

CheeseMcKnees · 21/04/2023 20:49

What do you want him to do? Move out now? Think ahead, pack him a bag if you wish. Have a plan and stick to it.

Can I kick him out - am I entitled to?
House is jointly owned and we have 2 kids here

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 21/04/2023 20:53

You can’t legally kick someone out of their home, no. The reason for the relationship breakdown is neither here nor there (unless of course you are at risk in any way).

But morally, you might want to leverage the upper hand and demand that he leaves.

CheeseMcKnees · 21/04/2023 20:54

I would ask him to leave. Can he stay with a friend or parent?

twanmever · 21/04/2023 20:54

Please try hard not to be me. I found so much stuff, but gave it a couple of days and tried to forget it. I'm now in my mid 60s and still haven't made the move, but you still have the chance of a life. I realised far too late that you're only here once, and you need to make the most of it. I'm so ashamed that I didn't do it, I hope you can make it. However I absolutely don't blame you if you can't.

Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:55

HaggisBurger · 21/04/2023 20:53

You can’t legally kick someone out of their home, no. The reason for the relationship breakdown is neither here nor there (unless of course you are at risk in any way).

But morally, you might want to leverage the upper hand and demand that he leaves.

I want him gone. I just dont think I can face it tonight.
He'll be out tomorrow - supposedly at work but who knows, he could be with an escort instead - so I think I'll have more strength then.

Those poor children going to bed with everything ok, then waking in the morning and he has destroyed everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:56

twanmever · 21/04/2023 20:54

Please try hard not to be me. I found so much stuff, but gave it a couple of days and tried to forget it. I'm now in my mid 60s and still haven't made the move, but you still have the chance of a life. I realised far too late that you're only here once, and you need to make the most of it. I'm so ashamed that I didn't do it, I hope you can make it. However I absolutely don't blame you if you can't.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:57

CheeseMcKnees · 21/04/2023 20:54

I would ask him to leave. Can he stay with a friend or parent?

Yes he will be able to find someone. But will definitely kick up a massive fuss.

Its crazy but I actually feel embarrassed at having to tell my family. I havent done anything wrong yet I'm still embarrassed.

OP posts:
twanmever · 21/04/2023 20:57

I should have said 20 years post discovery and I'm still there, still trying to pluck up the courage to say actually I'm entitled to £400k (we're in the North). It might feel messy to you now but please just do it. x

CountTessa · 21/04/2023 20:57

You can end it whenever you want to. Choose your moment. Get things organised so you know you will be OK financially without him.

You have the power.

BlitzExcel · 21/04/2023 21:02

I don't think you should make any rash decisions. Gather the evidence, find a good time to sit down, calmly confront him, and ask for the truth. Depending on how he responds, there is a chance you can save the marriage. Remember, don't make rash decisions. First order of business is to sit down and talk.

greyhairnomore · 21/04/2023 21:11

BlitzExcel · 21/04/2023 21:02

I don't think you should make any rash decisions. Gather the evidence, find a good time to sit down, calmly confront him, and ask for the truth. Depending on how he responds, there is a chance you can save the marriage. Remember, don't make rash decisions. First order of business is to sit down and talk.

I don't think she wants to save the marriage. Why would she? he's been seeing escorts Confused

BlitzExcel · 21/04/2023 21:15

greyhairnomore · 21/04/2023 21:11

I don't think she wants to save the marriage. Why would she? he's been seeing escorts Confused

Show quote history

That's for OP to decide. My point is - divorce should be a last resort and explored only after attempts to save the marriage prove futile. It's not as straightforward as it seems and has an immense impact on children. One shouldn't take this lightly at all.

LiliLil · 21/04/2023 21:16

Why the fuck would she want to save the marriage?

He has been paying for sex, he has lied and disrespected the OP and probably been unfaithful for most of their relationship.

He will cry, beg, say he didn’t meet any of them, claim depression, claim sex addiction, promise the world…but only because he’s been caught.

Deal with it whenever you’re ready OP but I promise your children will be fine in the end, you sound strong and capable - you deserve far, far better. What an utter cunt.

dildeewana · 21/04/2023 21:17

Print out thise screenshots and stick them to the outside of your front door. Then lock up and go to bed for the night, leave keys in cloks. He'll get the idea pretty quick!

BrimFullOfAsher · 21/04/2023 21:20

Messages from other women as in from personal email addresses? Or as in them being from an escort websites email address?

SittingOnTheChair · 21/04/2023 21:23

Sorry this is happening to you OP.

It's so shit.

I couldn't be in the same room as him. I'd call him now and tell him not to come back.

Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 21:23

dildeewana · 21/04/2023 21:17

Print out thise screenshots and stick them to the outside of your front door. Then lock up and go to bed for the night, leave keys in cloks. He'll get the idea pretty quick!

This suggestion made me smile, thanks.

OP posts:
Gamezup · 21/04/2023 21:24

You have the proof. He will likely come out with the usual script such as he was only looking, never intended to go through with it, blah blah. Men who use prostitutes have no respect for their wives or partners or family. You must put yourself and kids first. Sorry OP but you will never trust him again, and yes I have been in your position. And try not to be ashamed to tell his or your families when the time comes - this is not of your making!

Stardust31 · 21/04/2023 21:25

So sorry you’re going through this OP. Gather as much evidence as you can as he will likely delete and try and gaslight you when confronted

ZekeZeke · 21/04/2023 21:25

I'm sorry you are going through this.
Please get yourself a health check/STD test.

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