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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fast advice needed please - partner and escorts

177 replies

Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:44

DP went away and left his email signed in. I noticed messages from women.
Looks like hes on dating websites and escort websites. I have found messages of him requesting meet ups with escorts. Secret phone numbers.

Obviously this is the end of us. I have got screenshots and emailed them to myself so he cant deny it.

He'll be back in less than 1 hour. Do I need to play it cool and gather more evidence or can I say it out when hes back?

OP posts:
Moser85 · 22/04/2023 14:53

BlitzExcel · 22/04/2023 08:04

They might think that its impossible to save the marriage, in the heat of the moment/when emotions are high. But many a times, it's more likely to be saved than what most people think. The key deciding factor is how OP's husband responds when being confronted.

I'm not suggesting that the OP is taking it lightly. I'm simply saying that divorce is a option (akin to a nuke) that has massive consequences and should be thought through clearly and rationally before proceeding. Not decided in the heat of the moment.

Show quote history

What decade are you living in?
These marriages are not saved more than I think. They're not.
The minority who respond on these threads to say they gave their partner a chance then say he did it all over again. Once a punter always a punter.

Hiring escorts was akin to a nuke, do not put try to make out the OP is the one tearing the family apart because it's absolute bullshit.

Mercyovermerit · 22/04/2023 16:18

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:40

Oh and the most ridiculous piece - he wants another child!

He’s RAVING mad !

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 22/04/2023 16:37

He probably knows because you forwarded the emails to your account rather than taking pictures.

But stand firm and get some advice from a solicitor

Joystir59 · 22/04/2023 16:55

Gather up your strength and you will get through this- I'm sorry you have to deal with it though

FuckYouEzekiel · 22/04/2023 17:14

Men have been known to share these types of threads on other forums as a 'heads up'

tonyele · 22/04/2023 17:17

Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:44

DP went away and left his email signed in. I noticed messages from women.
Looks like hes on dating websites and escort websites. I have found messages of him requesting meet ups with escorts. Secret phone numbers.

Obviously this is the end of us. I have got screenshots and emailed them to myself so he cant deny it.

He'll be back in less than 1 hour. Do I need to play it cool and gather more evidence or can I say it out when hes back?

OK, Man here, my advice would be to have someone with you when you confront him with this evidence.

What you are in effect exposing is his deepest dark secret, whether you know it or not you weald huge power over this guy right now, this is the kind of thing no one forgets and wrecks reputations.

I think you are absolutely right to chuck him out, what a bastard, but be careful because you don't know how he will react, could be the whole tears and forgive me routine, or could turn nasty.

That would be my advice, sorry for your woes, he's in a minority thank god and the other blokes will not view him well for doing it either, so he's got a lot to loose all round and he will know it.

Sadless · 22/04/2023 17:23

Post it on social media then lock him out. If he's got enough money to pay them then surely he can put himself up in a hotel.

Sal

CaroleSinger · 22/04/2023 18:03

Sounds like he knows you've seen something. Good luck with telling him what you found. Don't let him turn it into you x

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/04/2023 18:53

AprilFool23

you are right , I was thinking abiut the dating site aspect more than the ‘paying ‘ aspect with the comments
but very true

EekGoesTheBaby · 22/04/2023 18:55

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:40

Oh and the most ridiculous piece - he wants another child!

Oh, HELL no!

Sending you strength, OP.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/04/2023 18:55

OP saw your updates

a baby ! Jesus really
again it’s so easy to say , but playing cards slowly here would benefit you

say she who reacts in anger !

im very pleased you are not married
and legal advice always beneficial
and soooo much cheaper blessedly

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 22/04/2023 22:46

Are you OK op? X

Bourbanbiscuit · 23/04/2023 00:03

Hope everything's OK, thinking of you xxx

welshpolarbear · 23/04/2023 09:03

Coming back to check on op too.

Been thinking of you since yesterday am op. Hope you're ok Flowers

Mix56 · 23/04/2023 12:17

It doesn't matter if he knows you know,
You were about to tell him anyway.
What is important is that he doesn't convince you or blame you
DARVO, is the likely & the script.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/04/2023 12:28

I've been thinking about you OP. Hope you're ok x

Curlyfluff · 23/04/2023 13:36

Thinking of OP too.... At some point I will post what happened when I found my husband's secret phone.....not good....
I hope she hasn't come to harm.

Blossomed · 23/04/2023 15:44

Yeah, really hope all is ok OP x

Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 23/04/2023 17:57

Thanks all.
I'm ok just have the most horrific migraine I've ever had from this stress. I have made an online appt for a doctor tomorrow, I need to get rid of this so I can function for the kids and at work.

All your advice was really useful so thank you. He tried to deny it, asked what evidence I have etc etc. I followed advice and didnt get into the details because that wouldnt have changed anything. Hes gone but will want to come back so I'll be trying to find legal advice tomorrow

Thanks again for helping me to be strong when I was confronting him.

OP posts:
tonyele · 23/04/2023 18:12

Nice, good for you! keep strong!!

Hamiltonfan · 23/04/2023 18:22

Well done OP. Get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day x

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 18:23

Well done OP, that can't have been easy at all. It sounds like you stayed very strong. Hopefully you can get some relief for the migraine so you can think through the next few days.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/04/2023 18:44

Well done OP I'm so pleased you're ok. Well apart from the migraine. I hope you can get some rest tonight and feel better I. The morning. Sounds like you didn't take any crap off him. Hugs 🤗

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 23/04/2023 19:59

So sorry this has happened to you.

Sittwritt · 23/04/2023 20:27

See your best best thing right now is the fact he has no idea where you got ur info from. For all he knows you could have hired a detective another friends husband saw him etc. keep the power and control. Because his gross self probably gets off on control he has in paying and making people have sex with his spineless body. Well done on being brave.

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