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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fast advice needed please - partner and escorts

177 replies

Aprilbreakup · 21/04/2023 20:44

DP went away and left his email signed in. I noticed messages from women.
Looks like hes on dating websites and escort websites. I have found messages of him requesting meet ups with escorts. Secret phone numbers.

Obviously this is the end of us. I have got screenshots and emailed them to myself so he cant deny it.

He'll be back in less than 1 hour. Do I need to play it cool and gather more evidence or can I say it out when hes back?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:37

He seems to have sensed something is up. Hes talking about going on holidays that he will pay for and has said he wants to book a wedding for us 🙄He thinks he can pay his way out of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:40

Oh and the most ridiculous piece - he wants another child!

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 22/04/2023 10:41

You what's your plan for today Op?

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:41

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/04/2023 08:57

The UK punting links are interesting

It’s like they all have a hobby

and that hobby is putting their dick in different pussies , it’s not about the women at all
its just putting it in a hole that they like 👍

I actually feel sorry for them in a weird way

what a frustrating hobby to have !
expensive
time consuming
risky
and probably stressful

im so glad I dont have a penis

Yeah but they get huge gratification from anticipating the punt, huge gratification from selecting the sex worker for the punt, great anticipation ahead of the punt, and then the gratification and excitement and orgasm/s during the punt .... With their live sex doll (and that's how they review them, like live sex dolls).

Then probably gratification from reliving it.

They discuss the sex workers like restaurants to try, experiences to have.

And ateotd if they're not using very high end prostitutes, it's actually incredibly cheap.

It's cheap cause it's mostly immigrant women being run by gang member pimps etc.

They happily ignore that aspect of it. Unless the prostitutes inconvenience them by not being pleasant enough and betraying the fact they don't really want to be there, doing that.

Fraaahnces · 22/04/2023 10:43

Sounds like he knows he’s been rumbled. Does the manchild maybe track your activity online?

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:43

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:40

Oh and the most ridiculous piece - he wants another child!

Ah the "women are baby obsessed creatures who can be manipulated and kept by bribing them with babies" approach.

No wonder he also thinks women are objects to be bought for sex.

I find men like that always think of women as things to be manipulated, things to get what you want from, slot machines to get your desired outcome from.

Blueuggboots · 22/04/2023 10:43

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:40

Oh and the most ridiculous piece - he wants another child!

Can you use this as an easy way in to suggest that it's not happening and you're more concerned about STI's right now?

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:45

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:37

He seems to have sensed something is up. Hes talking about going on holidays that he will pay for and has said he wants to book a wedding for us 🙄He thinks he can pay his way out of it.

Well he apparently pays for sexual experiences, so it's hardly surprising he thinks along lined of paying women to stay with him.

Yes, it sounds like his spidey senses are going off.

I mean, it sounds like he's been up to quite a lot, some part of his brain must have been worrying about/expecting discovery.

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:47

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:40

Oh and the most ridiculous piece - he wants another child!

Good thing he's not Ryan Giggs or you'd be landed with a new puppy by now.

TeaserandtheFirecat · 22/04/2023 10:47

He has never touched me but will throw/kick things when in a rage.

This is threatening behaviour, used as a controlling 'look what I could do to YOU' tactic.

He'll be acting like a cornered rat when confronted. Very worrying.

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:50

Aprilbreakup · 22/04/2023 10:34

He has never touched me but will throw/kick things when in a rage.

But you're right, I wasn't happy anyway.

Show quote history

That's actually a form of domestic violence.

As the other poster said, it's a demonstration of his capacity for aggression and violence, intended to cow the woman/kids.

Mumrunningsupporter · 22/04/2023 10:50

He sounds like some sad PeterPan type character who believes he's some David Tennant style Casanova @Aprilbreakup and you need to know (I'm sure you do) that this is 100% about him and zero to do with you.
His choice of action in trying to have sex with other women derives from some problem within himself.
Until he's sorted that out, I'm afraid he isn't ever going to be a good match for you.

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:51

Also a sign of a very immature, self indulgent personality.

welshpolarbear · 22/04/2023 10:51

Stay strong op, and please let us know you're ok. The risk of violence is worrying to hear xx

Sittwritt · 22/04/2023 10:53

Yep, something along the lines of viewing yr browsing history or seeing last login in computer or seeing messages deleted or marked as read. He knows. It’s tempting to play along with this and let him book a holiday only to stop him like a lead balloon 🎈 ‘actually I just realised out wedding date coincides with your booking with an escort’ ‘as does the holiday’ but never mind you can still go alone….

Tempting

Sittwritt · 22/04/2023 10:55

Actually jokes aside he could be violent. You will need to think this through carefully. Best not to provoke.

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:55

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:41

Yeah but they get huge gratification from anticipating the punt, huge gratification from selecting the sex worker for the punt, great anticipation ahead of the punt, and then the gratification and excitement and orgasm/s during the punt .... With their live sex doll (and that's how they review them, like live sex dolls).

Then probably gratification from reliving it.

They discuss the sex workers like restaurants to try, experiences to have.

And ateotd if they're not using very high end prostitutes, it's actually incredibly cheap.

It's cheap cause it's mostly immigrant women being run by gang member pimps etc.

They happily ignore that aspect of it. Unless the prostitutes inconvenience them by not being pleasant enough and betraying the fact they don't really want to be there, doing that.

Show quote history

I'd also add that two of the most common reasons cited by punters for their "hobby" is;

A. Wanting to have sex with more than one woman, their wife/partner can follow pesky monogamy,bits not for them, sure it's not even natural for men

B. I remember one specifically saying that he can fuck women way hotter than he could get for a real life relationship.
Sometimes this is true, sometimes it's not; prostitutes report regular punters showing them pics of their beautiful wives and girlfriends (sort of as social proof that they'd not sad, desperate, done actually need to pay etc).

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:57

*don't

Daffodilsandtuplips · 22/04/2023 10:58

Hold your water op, If you can stomach it be Cool, calm and measured just now and don’t do anything just yet until you’ve seen a solicitor, make an appt asap with one to discuss your options re the house and mortgage.

  1. you’re not married..good. You don’t have to go through the added stress of a divorce.
  2. Married or not he’ll have to pay Child support. If he can afford escorts etc he can well afford to pay for his kids.
  3. Make sure to erase your browsing history.
  4. Change passwords on banking and SM in case he is snooping on you.
  5. Good Luck.
Sittwritt · 22/04/2023 10:58

He he only the desperate need to pay 💰 that much is true. Desperate for attention validation and knowing they’re a shit and no one would want them for the real them.

AprilFool23 · 22/04/2023 10:59

But you're right, I wasn't happy anyway.

Little wonder.

This is actually a good thing op.

You're not struggling with this, in a relationship you thought was good and wanted to stay in. This is just a massive bomb thrown into sonething you were already unhappy in.

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/04/2023 10:59

Sittwritt · Today 07:50
But this apart what’s the rest of the goss? Is he an ok dad provider etc? Husband/ drinker. @BlitzExcel has a good point in not just dismissing your whole marriage. Even in divorce you may want him to continue to have a good relationship with the boys. Remember all this is about him and not about you.”

What a stupid post.

DustyLee123 · 22/04/2023 11:04

Get the child benefit paid into your account if you don’t already.

flexigirl · 22/04/2023 12:18

God your nerves must be shredded to shit today OP. I don't think you need to find a burner phone, you have all the evidence you need already ( you don't even need an excuse to break up if you aren't happy ) he's a dirty smeggy bastard and has knowingly put your health at risk. Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP Flowers

ZekeZeke · 22/04/2023 13:00

Count your lucky stars that you are not married to him.