Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men not being attracted to obese women

557 replies

itchyhands3 · 20/04/2023 12:50

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

OP posts:
RebulahConundrum · 20/04/2023 12:52

On the whole, yes. I've been fat all my life and never had a whiff of interest from a man, even when I was a teen or in my 20's. The majority of men will always go for looks over everything else.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 20/04/2023 12:56

I'm obese, technically....
I'm also busy, hips with a discernable waist and no double chin.
I do have fat arms and a bit of a pcos belly.

Men are very attracted to me apparently. Aged 33 now, I spent all of my 20s with an asshole who made me feel fat and ugly. OLD has made me realise quite how many men do want a bit of meat on the bones, even the ones that are very athletic and fit themselves.

Nimbostratus100 · 20/04/2023 12:56

The whole point of physical attraction is that a man is attracted to a woman to get her pregnant and propagate his genes. Many basic urges are based on this. It doesn't mean all men are attracted to the same thing, and it differs by climate, of course, but many of these things are evolutionary.

slim waist - not already pregnant
wide hips- more likely to carry a pregnancy successfully
breasts - nurture a baby
blond hair- baby gets stronger bones
petite - less competition for resources, and family resources go further if the woman needs fewer calories

and so on

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 20/04/2023 12:57

You aren't obese at that height and weight, you are overweight.

I am the same height and weight as you and don't have problems attracting men.

vamptable · 20/04/2023 12:57

I mean surely this is just the 'expert' stating the bloody obvious? I'm sure anyone can call themselves an expert these days.

'Men aren't attracted to thin women.... unless they have specific attraction to thin women'
'Men aren't attracted to muscular women... unless they are'

I've even seen an 'expert' claiming men don't like intelligent women - unless they happen to be part of the subset of men that do, of course.

There will be lots of men that aren't attracted to overweight women but equally plenty that are. There will be lots of men more concerned about what (any) women bring to the table personality wise. I wouldn't worry too much about it - you'll find someone that values you. You're always going to be someone's perfect flavour Smile

DunkingMyDonuts · 20/04/2023 12:58

Yes, on the whole I think it is true.

And why should they? I dont find obese men attractive.

"If you can't sort your own food issues out and look decent then why inflict yourself on others?" This is what I tell myself.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 20/04/2023 12:58

At a size 14-16 you are probably not the type of women they are referring to.

I used to be a size 8 and now Im a size 20 and absolutely i get less interest from men. I find men are also more comfortable around me as they seem to expect me to realise they wont be interested in me.

But in fairness its not a sex related thing. Im sure if you speak to obese men less women are interested in them too. Not chunky rugby player types, but the male equivalent of me

I don't think it's insulting I just think it's reality

Skankhunt84 · 20/04/2023 12:59

I'd say the expert is probably referring to extremely obese i.e over size 20.

Redebs · 20/04/2023 13:01

No. These self-styled 'experts' are everywhere, making a nuisance of themselves.
Attraction is a complex phenomenon and sweeping statements about 'fetish' is just downright unscientific

3WildOnes · 20/04/2023 13:01

Im not attracted to men who are very overweight. I don't know any women who are.

sevenbyseven · 20/04/2023 13:02

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 20/04/2023 12:57

You aren't obese at that height and weight, you are overweight.

I am the same height and weight as you and don't have problems attracting men.

OP might sneak into the Obese range if she's 13st 10lb or above.

OP, different men are attracted to different things, weight included. Same as women are.

Oopsiedaisyy · 20/04/2023 13:02

Extremely obese size 22 here eye roll

Never had an issue with interest from men, even on OLD. I've always been open I'm a hefty lass and if that's not someone's preference then not my issue.

I'm sure there's men who don't like brunettes, I doubt many women would break out the bleach because of that.

Xrays · 20/04/2023 13:03

You’re not going to put many men off at your size and weight, honestly. You’re not in the very obese category they’re talking about. Yeah I think a lot of men would ideally fancy someone aged 25, 5ft 10 and a size 8 with plump round boobs but equally a lot of men are realistic and won’t be put off by an average sized woman who looks after herself, is chatty and friendly and wants to listen to them and make a fuss of them (that’s been my experience anyway).

Luckydip1 · 20/04/2023 13:03

I suspect most men fancy women who are somewhere in the middle, not too thin and not too overweight, but plenty would still prefer either end of the range, it's down to personal preference.

SiobhanSharpe · 20/04/2023 13:05

I have a friend who would probably considered obese, she always gets lots of attention from men in social situations when we are out together, even though she is not single -- and is not interested in other men either.
She's an attractive woman and a good person who is very confident, smiley and friendly and if god, forbid, anything happened to her DP or they split up, I think she would not have any difficulty finding a new partner, if she wanted to.
Her size (18-20?) is not an issue for her and doesn't seem to be an issue for some men either. As I've seen by how they treat her, anyway.

MeiMeiSushi · 20/04/2023 13:05

Who cares about what men want ? Grin

If you feel unattractive then absolutely lose some weight but do it for you not the male gaze.

They'll be men who aren't attracted to obese women like they'll be men who aren't attracted to slim women or whatever because everyone has personal preferences.

PuppyEyedCat · 20/04/2023 13:05

I think you need to work on your self esteem. You're looking at negative things to punish yourself or justify your dating life failures. The size the podcast would have been talking about is much bigger than you. I think your age is a bigger obstacle than being a size 16 at 5ft 7.
There are men who exclusively love small breasts, petite women or blonde women... I don't see the world taking an issue for fetishizing them??

The reality is, being BMI obese can look just a bit chubby as people are fatter nowadays. And also some women carry the weight in a sexier way than others, namely the pears and hourgasses.. and lastly there are very beautiful faces with great hair and personality that it makes up for any shortcomings in their body. Nobody is attracted to everybody that's just life but you need to work on yourself as you don't sound happy and you started a toxic and goady thread. I feel sorry for you.

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

SiobhanSharpe · 20/04/2023 13:08

'Exhausted pipes' 😂now that's quite an image!

Redebs · 20/04/2023 13:09

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

Best thing I've read today 🤣🏆

Hollowgast · 20/04/2023 13:09

SiobhanSharpe · 20/04/2023 13:08

'Exhausted pipes' 😂now that's quite an image!

It's one hell of a nickname

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:10

I stand by it.

StopStartStop · 20/04/2023 13:11

I'm obese. Have been so for ages. I don't assume men will fancy me but it's clear that enough do. Was told last week that I 'knock spots off any other woman' and 'any red blooded man would love to be given a chance'...

If people want to say 'No fat women for me' that's fine. They are allowed to be selective. I don't worry about it at all, because if as a short, fat, 65 year old I can pull, anyone can.

lala2023 · 20/04/2023 13:11

@MsCunk 👏 all too true

StopStartStop · 20/04/2023 13:12

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

Sheep, dogs etc etc

But my neighbour-woman was in the paper for having sex with horses.