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Original poster

Men not being attracted to obese women

557 replies

itchyhands3 · 20/04/2023 12:50

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

OP posts:
Felixss · 20/04/2023 13:32

Its true I used to be a size 18-20. I'm now an 8 I've had nips and tucks. I get men asking me how my day was amazon delivery man lifting the heavy box and putting it in my living room. All this helpfulness never happened when I was obese. Ironically ,I pay less attention to my hair and makeup but get loads more attention. Men are really shallow.

Moveoverdarlin · 20/04/2023 13:32

I wouldn’t be attracted to an obese man. Nor an overweight man. So I would hazard a guess and say it works both ways.

ShandyQuaffer · 20/04/2023 13:34

Who is this "expert" who speaks for all men?

I've been fat and I've been thin. My husband fancies me both ways. Thin suits me better for all sorts of reasons.

Original poster
itchyhands3 · 20/04/2023 13:34

I didn't come on here to start a toxic, goady thread and I don't need pity .
I am however newly single and have put a lot of work into myself and am hopeful. Nasty posters not welcome here .
Nothing wrong with my self esteem whatsoever. I just wanted thoughts n that theory because frankly it genuinely shocked me .

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 20/04/2023 13:34

MeiMeiSushi · 20/04/2023 13:05

Who cares about what men want ? Grin

If you feel unattractive then absolutely lose some weight but do it for you not the male gaze.

They'll be men who aren't attracted to obese women like they'll be men who aren't attracted to slim women or whatever because everyone has personal preferences.

Fair point, but the OP is actually asking about being attractive to men, so I guess she does care. And that's OK.

Kanaloa · 20/04/2023 13:34

Not sure about men but I wouldn’t be attracted to an obese man. I don’t think I look as good when I gain too much weight either. I don’t think that’s to say that someone who is obese isn’t going to find a relationship, but they likely won’t be as attractive to as many people as someone who is a healthy weight.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 20/04/2023 13:35

I’m not attracted to blonde men. That’s just how it is. We all have our preferences and they are many and varied.

MilkshakeEarthquake · 20/04/2023 13:35

Felixss · 20/04/2023 13:32

Its true I used to be a size 18-20. I'm now an 8 I've had nips and tucks. I get men asking me how my day was amazon delivery man lifting the heavy box and putting it in my living room. All this helpfulness never happened when I was obese. Ironically ,I pay less attention to my hair and makeup but get loads more attention. Men are really shallow.

I noticed this when I lost weight, men falling over themselves to offer to help me, didn’t happen at all when big.

NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs · 20/04/2023 13:35

MsCunk · 20/04/2023 13:07

Men shag piles of leaves, exhausted pipes, and jars of peanut butter. Worrying about your own shaggability is a waste of time. Live your life free from the shackles of male approval.

I know this is supposed to be funny, but it’s just makes things extra painful for those of us who has never gotten any intrest from any man, never.
I know it’s hard to believe but we do exist.

SkyandSurf · 20/04/2023 13:36

I wouldn't be attracted to an obese man.

But it's not like all obese people are single - there is someone for everyone

Leah5678 · 20/04/2023 13:36

No offense but why should anyone be guilt tripped for not finding an obese person attractive. Sort out your food issues before expecting people to be attracted to you (not you personally I'm talking about any obese person who guukt trips thins for not being attracted to them)

DiddyHeck · 20/04/2023 13:37

itchyhands3 · 20/04/2023 13:34

I didn't come on here to start a toxic, goady thread and I don't need pity .
I am however newly single and have put a lot of work into myself and am hopeful. Nasty posters not welcome here .
Nothing wrong with my self esteem whatsoever. I just wanted thoughts n that theory because frankly it genuinely shocked me .

It 'shocked' you?

It's hardly breaking news OP.

skyfalldown · 20/04/2023 13:37

It's incredible how men (and sometimes women) never take a step back and think about how Westernized beauty standards, Hollywood and the porn industry shape their perception of attractiveness.

Men like to tell themselves (and each other) that they like slim, tanned, hairless waifs. In reality, they'll shag anything that moves.

brunettemic · 20/04/2023 13:37

The thing is if we’re talking BMI here then that isn’t the best indicator. I just checked mine (5’7, 11st)and I’m just in healthy weight and the range goes nearly 2 stone lower, I’d be skin and bones at that weight. I put DH in and it said his weight should range from 10st 8lbs to 14st 3lbs, he’s 6’3, how is he ever going to be 10st 8lb 😂

As for the original question, possibly fewer men are attracted to obese women but I’m sure fetishising it is the answer. Surely being attracted to a colour of hair is just as much a “fetish” as size? I know nothing about that sort of thing though!

Itsmebutnotme · 20/04/2023 13:38

Its not surprising. No matter how body positive an obese person is, they are fundamentally unhealthy. If as some research suggests people are attracted to fertile, healthy people it stands to reason whilst there will be some men who are attracted to obese people, many won't be. I definitely had more attention at a healthy weight that when I was over weight.

ditalini · 20/04/2023 13:38

Can we just stop with the misuse of the word "fetish" when we just mean "a preference for"?

I had a friend who a colleage of mine asked to be introduced to because he really liked the look of her. They got on really well and went on a couple of dates until another "friend" said "oh yes, he's got a fetish for big girls, all his exes look like you" which massively put off first friend, because it was only acceptable for men to overlook her weight, not to be actively attracted (terrible self esteem issues).

I'm really unattracted to thin/slim/wiry whatever men. I'm attracted to men who some people would reject because they're fat. Doesn't make it a fetish, you like what you like.

goodkidsmaadhouse · 20/04/2023 13:38

I wouldn't be attracted to an obese man. I think overweight women look better than overweight men actually.

Willowthecrisp · 20/04/2023 13:39

It’s certainly my experience that it’s a lot easier to attract a male while thin. But its all about conventional attractiveness isn’t it? Tall, rich sporty men go for petite thin blonde women. As a larger woman I didn’t have trouble attracting short geeky skinny men.

MorrisZapp · 20/04/2023 13:40

Obese means two things though. It means people who get compliments on their slim figure while actually registering as medically obese on the scales, and it also means people who look very overweight.

I think it's fair comment that men prefer to date women who look slim to average, which includes those who may be medically obese.

I lost some weight a couple of years ago and I certainly got a lot more attention from men.

HyacinthBookay · 20/04/2023 13:40

OP, there is a "spectrum" of obesity and you are pretty low down on the scale and will be viewed as attractive by men, perhaps even more so than very thin women. because you probably have womanly curves.

In my experience there are many things that some men secretly like which are never publicly acknowledged: many prefer curves over skin and bone, although many like to show off, so love the idea of a skinny trophy because skinny is the main societal trend. Many also really like older women, but again because the societal trend favours youth you'd never know this.

Anyway, I am getting off track. No need to be unsettled by your weight. You are probably very attractive, which is as much to do with personality as with looks.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 20/04/2023 13:41

I like larger, broader men - big bear-like men like my husband.

motherofkevinnotperry · 20/04/2023 13:42

Felixss · 20/04/2023 13:32

Its true I used to be a size 18-20. I'm now an 8 I've had nips and tucks. I get men asking me how my day was amazon delivery man lifting the heavy box and putting it in my living room. All this helpfulness never happened when I was obese. Ironically ,I pay less attention to my hair and makeup but get loads more attention. Men are really shallow.

I'm 18-20 and still get the offers of help, interest and men flirting with me, making comments etc.

I do take good care in my presentation and I agree with the post saying it matters. I agree it does.

mackthepony · 20/04/2023 13:43

Yeah it's true.

As a size 16? No interest.

A size 10? Tons.

Felixss · 20/04/2023 13:44

Leah5678 · 20/04/2023 13:36

No offense but why should anyone be guilt tripped for not finding an obese person attractive. Sort out your food issues before expecting people to be attracted to you (not you personally I'm talking about any obese person who guukt trips thins for not being attracted to them)

It's not that for me it's the fake courtesy and helpfulness from men because I'm now conventionally attractive. It's very shallow.

Oopsiedaisyy · 20/04/2023 13:44

My partner is tall, conventionally good looking and successful...

I'm fat.

I think there are women out there who for what ever reason do not believe they have had interest from men. I'm not sure there's much value in that case to blame any particular aspect of yourself for why that may be the case, but I would say that confidence and self esteem are very attractive qualities. Saying oh men don't ever go for fat women simply isn't true.